Debra Basham

Living and Loving

Tag: depression

  • It’s a Gift

    And I said to my body, softly,
    “I want to be your friend.”

    It took a long breath. And replied,
    “I have been waiting my whole life for this.”

    ~ Nayyirah Waheed

    Speaking about his book, All for Love: The Transformative Power of Holding Space, Matt Kahn shares,”I look back at these times and all the stories that I tell — I’m telling some very deep stories, I’m telling some very emotionally stirring stories. But as I’m telling the stories, even when I’m recalling the deepest pain, I’m really recalling them from a place of gratitude, because I look back at my life and I really do see how everything was a divine setup for who I came to be and all the lives that I’m so blessed I have the chance to touch.”

    This has certainly been true for my life as well.

    In 1988 I was living with chronic pain. I was having bad days and worse days. I NEVER had a day back then that was free of pain.

    Experiencing relief of unrelenting chronic pain resulted in my passion for getting certified in Healing Touch.

    It is other-worldly to even imagine what would have unfolded differently without all of it.

    The focus circle is based on the work of Jerry and Esther Hicks (The Vortex), and the sample used below is adapted from one that was created by Arvind Singh.

    Step one is to identify what you think of as a current limitation. The sample I have used is: “I feel insecure about my body.” Write about whatever you are working with in your own words so you know what will help.

    Next, make a short, positive statement of what you do want: “A vibrant, healthy, sexy, body.” Be sure to avoid anything that might seem unrealistic or unattainable right now, like the following: “My body could be on the cover of a fitness magazine, “or “I can have my dream body in a week.” Again, using your own words for your goal.

    Now, easily start your change in attitude, belief, and behavior, from a place you have experienced because, as Singh says, it is hard to have emotional resistance about something that you have already had.

    1. I like the way that I feel in that new outfit.
    2. I have a desire to be healthy.
    3. I felt so vibrant that night in Cancun, just dancing all night.
    4. I feel my cells responding as I write this, getting brighter and healthier.
    5. Everything I have ever really put my mind to, I have accomplished.
    6. I’ve been told I have amazing eyes.
    7. What I’m experiencing right now has created a strong desire for change.
    8. I can see myself feeling confident and attractive.
    9. My inner-being loves me unconditionally.
    10. I appreciate the fact that I can deliberately achieve what I want.
    11. When I close my eyes I can see and feel my vibrant, healthy, sexiness.
    12. I am a beautiful and beloved creation.

    I always like to look again at my positive statement and notice I can actually feel that now.

    State your current positive statement, “I feel vibrant, healthy, and sexy now” and just relax a bit as you think about all the things that are wonderful that came to be out of a process. Plants, babies, houses, your goal for better health and well-being – they are all things that take a while to achieve and they are worth the time and commitment.

    All human beings are navigating life.

    Rather than be disappointed or angry or sad about what someone (even if that someone is you) is experiencing, realize that you might be moments from a breakthrough.

    While it is undeniable they are not pleasant, breakdowns can lead to breakthroughs. We end up having more compassion, more understanding, and more wisdom. We learn something helpful and share that with others.

    At first, we can feel out-of-control and overwhelmed with our feelings of despair and anxiety. It’s hard to see that what we are going through is often a gift wrapped in a not-so-pretty package. ~ Kristen D. Boice

    Its a gift that I have been waiting my whole life for!


  • Big Fires

    I go to nature to be soothed and healed,
    and to have my senses put in order.

    ~ John Burroughs

    Several individuals expressed feeling depressed with all that is going on right now. I mentioned how the uncertainty shifts us into the sympathetic nervous system – fight, flight, or freeze.

    Some people are said to look for love in all the wrong places. Trying to find peace or trust or love or joy while the sympathetic nervous system is active is like setting a lobster trap in the Sahara dessert.

    The sympathetic nervous system simply can never find peace!

    Later that day, another group gathered and the same topic came up! The teacher, Barbara Brodsky, invited us to think about the experience itself.

    Can we acknowledge that mental and emotional and energetic experience called depression, without trying to get rid of depression? Who is the one that is watching this experience of depression? And what is the energy field and mind like for the one who is watching depression?

    When something is unpleasant, what happens in my mind?

    Being truly present you can see depression as an object arising out of conditions — impermanent, not “self.” Without trying to fix it, just really look at what it is. Here’s this strange object called depression. But what is it, and from what does it arise? Where will it go?

    ~ Barbara Brodsky

    The parasympathetic nervous system handles uncertainty very differently. Recognizing the only constant is change, and like a young child, you see everything as an adventure. Each step is an amazing part of the journey.

    Watching a panel discussion on Infinite Potential sponsored by the Fetzer Foundation, I was in awe of how much is known about science and spirituality. Everything science can prove, mysticism has always known.

    One of the closing comments, this one by Bob Roth, CEO of David Lynch Foundation, is worth holding onto with your head and your heart:

    Water puts out fire, if the fire is too large, you need more water. Its not the fault of the water, its how large the fire has grown.

    Yes, there is a lot going on right now, and yes, the sympathetic nervous system misses the truth, but each step is an amazing part of the journey of our Infinite Potential…..

  • Calamity and Collapse


    Grapevine Daily Quote
    May 30
    “Truly transforming spiritual experiences are nearly always founded on calamity and collapse.”
    AA Co-Founder, Bill W., August 1957, “The Physicians”, The Language of the Heart

    August of 2017 was a month of ginormous change. We were settling into our new tiny home. My brother-in-law, Jim, passed peacefully early in the morning on Wednesday, August 16. My nephew, David, was released from prison and began what was to be one year of parole. Over the months, I have mentioned him in previous blog posts. The story of his being accepted at the men’s mission in Holland (Google Maps and 70×7); helping him get his commercial driver’s license back (A Wonderful Week); calling on kitty therapy to breathe through a crisis (Pure Positive Energy); confessions of dealing with fearful patterns (The Voice of Assurance); and his being incarcerated again (Depression: The Secret We Share).

    Through each of these posts, my fingers on the keyboard brought clarity, peace, and sanity in times of calamity and collapse. Today, again, I write.

    Last week David got out of Jail, and his mom picked him up and brought him to St. Joseph to get his truck. His job was going to keep him, and the place where he was staying was going to let him come back. Within 24 hours he cut himself out of the tether, and went on a binge again. Two days later he called his mom, asking for $200 or the dealers were going to “bash his head in.” She told him she didn’t have the money, and for him to try to get away. He ended up having my brother-in-law come and get him and he turned himself in again. His parole agent said David is in a very dark place and has asked to be sent back to prison saying parole is too hard.

    These posts are about my process, as much as they are about David. I share his pain, his disappointment, his discouragement, his despair.

    I am reminded of a funeral I went to decades ago. I do not even remember now who the woman was but I remember she had committed suicide. The pastor talked about the way we tend to view the whole by looking at a single part. He lifted up how hard she had fought the depression, how many moments of success she had experienced, how much she loved life and her family. He reminded us to remember those moments too, not just this moment of her death.

    Part of my therapy this week was watching Momma Mia! (again). Feeling my chest tighten, witnessing the lump in my throat, and welcoming tears as Meryl Streep and Amanda Seyfried sing “Slipping Through My Fingers” , I knew I was also watching for David. Here are the lyrics, but if you can, please, click on the link to watch the clip. Streep is brilliant. Seeing this clip is moving because it holds such truth for our human condition.

    Schoolbag in hand, she leaves home in the early morning
    Waving goodbye with an absent-minded smile
    I watch her go with a surge of that well-known sadness
    And I have to sit down for a while
    The feeling that I’m losing her forever
    And without really entering her world
    I’m glad whenever I can share her laughter
    That funny little girl
    Slipping through my fingers all the time
    I try to capture every minute
    The feeling in it
    Slipping through my fingers all the time
    Do I really see what’s in her mind
    Each time I think I’m close to knowing
    She keeps on growing
    Slipping through my fingers all the time
    Sleep in our eyes, her and me at the breakfast table
    Barely awake, I let precious time go by
    Then when she’s gone there’s that odd melancholy feeling
    And a sense of guilt I can’t deny
    What happened to the wonderful adventures
    The places I had planned for us to go
    (Slipping through my fingers all the time)
    Well, some of that we did but most we didn’t
    And why I just don’t know
    Slipping through my fingers all the time
    I try to capture every minute
    The feeling in it
    Slipping through my fingers all the time
    Do I really see what’s in her mind
    Each time I think I’m close to knowing
    She keeps on growing
    Slipping through my fingers all the time
    Sometimes I wish that I could freeze the picture
    And save it from the funny tricks of time
    Slipping through my fingers…
    Slipping through my fingers all the time
    Schoolbag in hand she leaves home in the early morning
    Waving goodbye with an absent-minded smile..
    Songwriters: Benny Andersson / Bjoern K Ulvaeus / Bjorn Ulvaeus
    Slipping Through My Fingers lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Universal Music Publishing Group

    This morning I hold my mala beads as I let the illusion wash away:

    Marker bead: Namo Prajna, Paramita Hridaya. Homage to the wisdom mind.

    63rd Bead: Whatever has the nature to arise has the nature to cease and is not me nor mine.
    64th bead: When wholesome thoughts arise, cultivate the wholesome.
    When unwholesome thoughts arise, abandon the unwholesome.
    65th bead: Tend the contents of the mind with compassion, as a mindful gardener tends his garden.
    66th bead: This is the way to purify the mind and
    remove the clouds that obscure the vision of ultimate reality.

    Intention bead: In this way will I train myself.

    David is not his actions, skillful or unskillful. He is not his thoughts, wholesome or unwholesome. He is not his emotions, pleasant or painful. Nor are you and neither am I. May all beings come to the end of suffering.

    P.S. Let me know if you would like a copy of the 108 Bead “Daily Recollection” version by Barbara Brodsky of Deep Spring Meditation Center.

  • Depression (The Secret We Share)

    It might be that suicide and depression came to mind this morning after learning last evening that the son of a friend/colleague just took his own life. Or it might be that my nephew has again been back in jail, still seeking sobriety and a solid footing on the path of successful reentry to society after having been in prison for committing a felony. Or it might be knowing that on average, adjusted for age, the annual U.S. suicide rate increased 24% between 1999 and 2014, from 10.5 to 13.0 suicides per 100,000 people, the highest rate recorded in 28 years.

    Whatever led me to a powerful TED talk about depression by someone who knows, I am grateful for the awareness that “The opposite of depression is vitality.”

    “The opposite of depression is not happiness, but vitality, and it was vitality that seemed to seep away from me in that moment.” In a talk equal parts eloquent and devastating, writer Andrew Solomon takes you to the darkest corners of his mind during the years he battled depression. That led him to an eye-opening journey across the world to interview others with depression — only to discover that, to his surprise, the more he talked, the more people wanted to tell their own stories.

    See Depression: The Secret We Share.

    Search for tips on overcoming depression, and access the free National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

    Writing helps me work through strong emotions. Doing energy work helps me increase my vitality. Self-care is vital, but depression is more than lack of self-care. Depression can be overcome and there is nothing to be ashamed or afraid of about seeking help.

    Whether this is for you or someone you care about, may all beings find relief. May all beings know love. May all beings come to the end of suffering.

  • Thankful for Release

    Thanksgiving means different things to different people. This year, I am thankful for more than most.

    So many people I love are navigating challenging situations; adult children passing with cancer, living with addictions or with those with addictions, recovering from surgery, and money stress (or lack of money stress). At the root of all of these lies FEAR.

    In essentially every situation, fear is not ideal, and religions offer many warnings.

    Of course, those who recognize we live in an inclusion-based universe realize that telling yourself not to be afraid can be counterproductive, given that sometimes it is not even your fear.

    This week while in Tennessee for Thanksgiving I was blessed to visit with a good friend who is a Nurse Practitioner. She is also a healer. She knew immediately that I had picked up some attachments, and this was the cause of the anxiety-driven elevation in blood pressure I have been experiencing.

    My initial exposure to spirit release work was in Healing Touch, through Kathy Sinnett, and a very small book, The Unquiet Dead by Dr. Edith Fiore. Her work was studied and performed (and published) by William J. Baldwin in a very big book, Spirit Releasement Therapy: A Technique Manual.

    I was fortunate to be trained by Robert and Caterina Pellegrino-Estrich as well.

    One suggestion my friend made is to notice when you are feeling anything other than good. Depression, addictions, chronic pain, fatigue, anxiety. These are all symptoms that might be appropriate for spirit release work.

    Caterina says spirit release is the first therapy to be done regardless of the presenting problem. Kathy Zerler says if you treat everyone you meet as someone who is in pain you are probably treating them right. Perhaps this is true about energetic attachments, too.

    I work in this field and I had missed my own state of attachment. I certainly feel better today.

    What else might be possible as you take responsibility to clear your energy field….

    Steps to Spirit Release Work and Soul Retrieval

    Opening ritual from Angel Gail Konz:

    I am the light
    The light is within me
    The light moves throughout me
    The light surrounds me
    The light protects me
    I am the light!

    Addressing the attachment with genuine love and desire for well-being for all:

    You died and you don’t have a body.
    Your being attached to hurting me and it is not good for you.
    There is no hell. All that awaits you is a wonderful light body.
    Look for the light. Beings that love you are welcoming you so we can both be free
    We all deserve to be free. You are loved. Go now….

    You will sense this release, maybe seeing or hearing confirmation as well. Immediately begin to call your spirit back from this time in childhood. You might imagine picking a bouquet of flowers or gathering a basket of fruit or any metaphor that allows you to claim all of your own genuine parts. Others can have their own…

    Closing ritual:

    I release all energy that does not belong here. I release all karmic responsibility and obligation in and around this work, knowing the work comes from our expanded self and God. I give thanks for the many blessings, above all the honor and privilege of serving.