Debra Basham

Living and Loving

Tag: deep spring center for meditation

  • True Compassion

    Sandhill cranes are known for their lifelong pair bonds, making them symbols of devotion and faithfulness in some cultures. While I often hear them in the area (sometimes on Sandhill Boulevard) out riding my bike, yesterday morning I was gifted a very close encounter with a pair. These birds are very used to humans.

    My encounter gave me joy and stimulated a substantial amount of nostalgia. When we were on the East Coast of Florida many years ago, they would come right into your garage if you left the door open! Of course, nature has a way of reminding us that too much of a good thing is still too much. What came to mind was the beautiful way the Deep Spring Daily Reflection encourages us to cultivate true compassion.

    Compassion is a healer for the Earth, for yourself, for others. You are not here to do it perfectly, and no human does. What you are here to do is love. So often those of you that are so attuned to others, so desiring of service and so attuned to the suffering of Gaia herself and all that is upon her, you can become stuck in a place of sorrow and grief and anger for the things that are happening that don’t need to be. At this point in Earth’s evolution they are, but you see that we don’t have to destroy each other in war, we don’t have to destroy the food supply, none of these things. But these things are here now. Anger has an energy to it that sometimes is an impetus for change, but in and of itself it cannot truly bring that change that is needed and desired for you inside yourself, for others, for the Earth.

    Compassion is the fertilizer of the soul.

    So, I encourage you as you go through your daily life, in moments you’ll be sad, you’ll be angry, all the different emotions. They just come and they go. But when you begin to feel contraction or depression, anxiety or agitation, what you may call fear, or wanting to fight against, to push against, either to push away or to contract, to protect, when you notice it, just breathe. Sit and breathe for a moment. See it for what it is. It’s neither good nor bad, here nor there. But then consciously move into compassion. You cannot have true compassion for the Earth and others if you do not have it for yourself.

    So, when you find yourself in constricted places, take time to move into compassion, but do not leave yourself out of the equation. ~ March 14, 2025

    It seems the message here is quite universal: It’s neither good nor bad, here nor there.

    When migrating, sandhill cranes carry a stone in their mouths to help them stay awake. If the stone falls, it wakes them up. Similarly, if a crane is standing watch at night, it will stand on one leg so that if the other leg drops, they wake up. This is why many equate cranes with vigilance. (from CreationGirl Blog)

    A very good reminder….

  • Retreat Musings June 12, 2024

    Retreat Musings June 12, 2024

    Today is the last day of this retreat with Barbara Brodsky and John Orr. I was blessed to stay in the guest quarters at the home of my dear friends, Delcy and Tom Kuhlman.

    The title of this week is “Living Our True Nature as Love: Vipassana, Pure Awareness and Practices of the Heart” and this morning I wrote in my journal:

    What has it meant for me to be present in this retreat? Nothing more or less than what it means for being present in any place and any time.

    Two things that seem to want to be shared.

    1) What is in the way is the way.

    2) Practice with the everyday things of life, called the mundane. Years ago we learned an exercise to take a small amount of water into your mouth and just hold it as you watch an urge to swallow arise. When the urge begins to lessen, consciously swallow. Absolutely everything is arising and ceasing out of conditions. Perhaps there is a third thing that wants to be shared🤪

    Everything in the mundane sense realm goes in totally. You may only be aware of aspects, but your experience includes everything: what you see, what you hear, what you feel (the kinestetic cluster includes what you taste and smell) as well as what you know. The sense realm that you are least aware of consciously often has the greatest influence.

    It has come to be my experience that the same can be said of what are called the supramundane. Each mundane sense has a corresponding higher sense realm, because it is the consciousness with which we are perceiving that shifts what we perceive. These supramundane sense experiences are also always present, whether we have awareness of them or not: Nada is always there. Luminosity is always there. Chi energy is always there. Spaciousness is always there.

    In Buddhism, however, nada refers to the sound of silence. To detect the nada sound, turn your attention toward your hearing. If you listen carefully to the sounds around you, you’re likely to hear a continuous, high-pitched inner sound like white noise in the background. (Article The Sound of Silence, published in Lion’s Roar.) Interestingly, nada is also the Spanish word for “nothing.”

    According to Wikipedia, luminosity or clear light is the innate condition of the mind, associated with Buddha-nature, the realization of which is the goal of meditative practice. It can seem that everything is more brilliant than physical light, illuminated, almost glowing. Think about images of halo’s you may have seen.

    Chi energy can be thought of as the bridge between your form (meaning your physical body, your thoughts, emotions, sensations) and the formless part of you which is your true essence — soul, spirit, or consciousness itself. Science might speak of the bio-electric magnetic field, energy that emanates from your organs.

    Spaciousness is a bit more challenging to define but is likely the most basic. Think about it this way: The spacious mind has room for everything. It is like the space in a room, which is never harmed by what goes in and out of it. In fact, we say “the space in this room,” but actually, the room is in the space, the whole building is in the space.

    The Daily Quote from Deep Spring for June 12, 2024 says, “There is no duality. Anything that is born of love also carries darkness and fear. These are not the essence; these are conditioned expressions. You cannot fully express love until you face fear. You cannot fully express light until you live in darkness and learn how to move through and transcend the darkness, transcending it by the light within you.”

    The Daily Tejaniya tied right in: “Let things unfold naturally. As you watch an experience continuously, you will begin to recognize patterns. Later, you will see the whole picture. The value of meditation becomes more apparent with dedicated practice over long stretches of time.” (Article Noticing Space published in Tricycle.)

    One of the most active points of this retreat was Dharma Sister who as the result of a brain bleed is having difficulty navigating the technology to access Zoom. It has taken a village to assist this beloved one to be able to have the experience of study, sharing, and meditating with others dedicated to the path. In thanking those who were physically there to offer the necessary support I said, “I am confident that if you had been with us on our closing Zoom circle to see and hear her read with such skill and depth of understanding of the Dharma her sections of the Mala Recitation I know you would share now in that joy completely.”

    So many things shared by those on the retreat still resonate in my heart. Here are a couple of things that may also touch you deeply:

      The Path of Love
      by Rosemerry Wahtola Trommer

      And here I thought the path of love
      would look like love. Like kindness.
      Like generosity. Like gentleness.

      Instead it looks like me being bothered
      by the sound of loud chewing. Me
      wanting praise. Me needing to feel
      loved. Hello me. How elegantly love
      has arranged for me to meet
      all the parts of me that would stand
      in love’s way. How easily
      it shows me I’ve thought of love
      as a destination. But here is love
      with no expectation. Here is love
      with no name, no locus. Here
      is love with no face, no shape, no
      promise, no vow, no hope.
      Here is love as itself, surging
      and flowing, love as itself insisting
      on love, love as itself eroding
      all those layers of me that still
      think they know something about love
      (and love holds me while I rail
      and love throws me back in the stream
      and love is what is still here when I am not).

    “Today, like every other day, we wake up empty and frightened. Don’t open the door to the study and begin reading. Take down the dulcimer. Let the beauty we love be what we do. There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the ground.” ~ Rumi

    Yes, there are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the ground, and love is what is still here when I am not.

    Blessed be….

  • I Am Made of You

      It is this disinterested but completely allowing contemplation of the body in the world that the body loses its ‘me-ness’ and the world loses its ‘not-me-ness.’ In this way bodily sensations no longer cry out ‘I am separate, I am exclusively you” and perceptions of the world no longer cry out, ‘I am separate, I am not you.’ Everything sings out, ‘I am made of you.’ ~ Rupert Spiria


    Is this a drawing of a duck or a rabbit?

    A catchy little trick from NLP (Neurolinguistic Programming) was to ask a client if he or she was sure enough to be unsure when that person could see conflicting points of view. This week it has come into clarity how vital it may be for each of us to move toward willingness to live in a state of asking that of ourselves: “Am I sure enough to be unsure?”

    The point is freedom from identification with any point of view; a full freedom from attachment to ALL points of view. This does not mean I won’t have a point of view. Of course we will. The shift comes as awareness reveals whatever the point of view, it is simply a point of view.

    Points of view can be very similar, somewhat similar, somewhat different, radically different, or even diabolically opposed. I think you will agree that way too often solidified points of view which are widely differing or diabolically opposed can become deadly. Literally….

    At the very least solidified points of view have an impact on rapport and can damage relationships, cause stress, and rob us of our natural state of harmony and happiness.

    Decades ago it was pretty easy for me to hold a firm intention to have freedom from a “negative” point of view, and to observe the changes within myself when I was free from that point of view. I could quite easily and notice when my Debbie Downer was in charge, and I could choose a better feeling thought. This was quite skillful at that time.

    The past several years I have been studying Sacred Darkness with a group of others who are also intentional about awareness with a capital “A.” What is sometimes called “pure” awareness is not a limited awareness of this or that, and it is not attached to a particular point of view. Even preferences of positive or negative are simply part of the continuum of The All That Is.

    For sure, I prefer feeling positively, but can you see that this preference is also aversion to feeling negatively? I remember so well letting something negative “go,” but continuing to hold the point of view that it was or is negative.

    Aaron’s Daily Reflection:

    Many of you were raised with this idea, “Hold it in the light and it will dissolve.” What do I do if it doesn’t dissolve? And of course, sometimes it doesn’t dissolve. If the conditions are present and have not yet been purified, then that condition will arise and will maintain itself until the conditions dissolve. If the conditions for body pain are still there, the pain will remain, no matter how much you try to love it. You do not love it to make it go away. You hold it in love — the body pain, the anger — because that spaciousness is what allows the conditions to dissolve. If you hold it in a kind of idea of love, saying, “I will love it. I will love it. Why is it still here? I’m loving it so hard! Why doesn’t it go?”, well, you’re just more and more contracting, more and more caught up in whatever has arisen, because you’re trying to smash it away.

    Rupert Spira is a teacher of non-dual awareness. He is the author of the opening quotation. His words are still a bit foreign to most humans when we try to use the finite mind to know or speak about the world. However, Spira’s work assures us, “It’s not possible to view the world directly from awareness’ perspective,” because, “There’s no room in the infinite for the finite.”

    Awareness needs the finite mind to know the world. The finite mind holds points of view.

    Every point of view is finite but love is infinite.

    Perhaps one way human beings are able to open to and enjoy the sweet fragrance of infinite love is by being sure enough to be unsure…. I am made of you.

  • Grace is All Around

    My husband and I were a bit traumatized after witnessing an horrific incident at a bridge close to where we’re camping in Santa Cruz, as we were walking back from the beach. A man had a medical incident (DUI-drugs apparently) while driving across the bridge, hitting someone and another person either leapt out of the way or was also hit and fell over the bridge. Apparently he landed on the dock below, then was airlifted.

    The screams from the bridge will remain with us for a long time.

    We went for a lovely bike ride the next day all along the coast. When we passed the amusement park on the boardwalk, the screams on the roller coaster brought it all back.

    However, the following day, the Daily Reflection from Deep Spring Center for Meditation spoke to me hugely. I am the guy who fell over the bridge, the guy who caused the incident, the injured woman. We are all one. There are no sides.

      Even in the most terrible disaster, when people are dying, when people are suffering, those who have emerged personally unscathed experience an excitement of sorts. It grows partly out of having escaped harm themselves. It has its roots in fear. It’s a kind of relief, what you might feel if you were on a bridge with some friends and it began to tremble and pieces fall out, and you all ran to the end and just got off the bridge in time before it collapsed. Other people on the bridge plunged to their death. You would feel a sadness, a true sadness for them, born out of the recognition that it could have been you, but also a very personal sense of relief: I’m safe. My loved ones are safe. We escaped. Can you see that this grows out of fear? There is a separation: WE escaped, THEY died. It’s not okay that they died, but, “Whew, we escaped.” Part of this is the denial of the human of its own mortality: here’s another one that I’m free from; it didn’t get me this time. So there’s a sense of denial—that isn’t me on the bottom of that chasm. Never mind that my loved ones and I are here safely on the side, that’s still US down there.

      The human mind sometimes cannot cope with the enormity of the suffering that it faces. Sometimes that degree of denial becomes necessary for survival. I’m not saying that it’s good or bad, only that the being that would grow in spiritual ways needs to be aware if one is experiencing that, that one is experiencing that. Experiencing denial, experiencing profound fear, feeling overwhelmed, and by way of needing to cope with the heaviness of this catalyst, moving into denial. This is something that can mask as sadness, but it’s not true sadness, it’s fear. Sadness that grows out of love is a very profound emotion. It leaves you feeling helpless, in a sense, deeply aware of the reality of suffering. Simply watch the way it arises, all of you, to further clarify this distinction. ~ Aaron

    There are no coincidences.

    It is truly remarkable Aaron’s teaching was about falling off the bridge….

    The same day as Aaron’s quotation in a book I’m reading The Covenant of Water, by Abraham Verghese, there’s a scene with two surgeons — one is injured and the other looking at him with compassion and wanting to help him — but from a place of oneness and love, and not as “one” looking at the “other.”  

    Reading Verghese’s words also spoke to me. Grace is all around.

  • Killdeer Babies: Know Where to Look

    When you cease to relate to the darkness
    as something separate or other than the light,
    this invites the darkness into its sacred expression.
    In its highest expression
    it comes as teacher — perhaps not pleasant,
    but as teacher.
    Pain, fear, grief —
    not separate from the light.
    ~ Aaron

    On Tuesday evening at the Awakening and Living Awake class we heard, “When it is dawn in your back yard, it is dusk on the other side of the world.” We have been looking at our relationship to darkness over the past few years. Aaron has suggested we ask ourselves what duality (I would edit this to be “seeming” duality) we most frequently get caught in. Aaron said Barbara most often gets caught in wanting to have a body that is pain free and wanting a husband who can participate with her.

    Someone spoke of the idea that it “should” (I would add or should not) be this or that way, rather than allowing it to be the way it is. The term “duality of expectations” was used.

    In small group I spoke of my most frequent experience being a state that is not even holding an intention or an intention being held but awareness that is aware of holding and aware of being held where both exist. Words seem inadequate, but I think of it as a transcendent awareness. A classmate spoke of the need to not see yourself as “the kind one” or get caught up in being “the meditating one” as an identity. This is just another type of duality of expectations.

    For example, I have been blessed to see three baby Killdeer on my early morning bike ride. The thing that is most unusual about this sighting is Killdeers’ determination to protect their offspring at all costs, even at great risk of harm to themselves. I recall having seen an adult Killdeer along that street a few times, but I was focused on the nesting Night Herons I have been watching up in the tree along that same street.

    Truth be told, Killdeer chicks are born with great camouflage. Streaks of color make them near impossible to be seen against gravel, brush, or leaves.

    Even so, the adults try every trick in the books to divert attention away from their young. They will often pretend they have an injured wing to get your attention and flail on the ground. This behavior has resulted in the Killdeer coming to signify protectiveness, family values, and self-sacrifice.

    Once I had seen the chicks, the next day when first one and then a second adult crossed the street in front of me going off to my right I knew where not to look.

    Looking in the opposite direction, I could see all three chicks directly across the street!

    “Pure sheltered innocence of childhood” is also part of the symbolism of Killdeer.

    We do not enjoy difficult experiences. It is natural to be resistant when things do not go or look as we expected. Our last few days in Paradise are spent with the house we are renting getting a new roof. The damage occurred six months ago when Hurricane Ian made landfall. We have been here since December 20, AND NOW A NEW ROOF? All this week, as have been trying to pack and load the cars the yard and drive have been booby trapped with roofing nails!

    This is not what I wanted. But THIS ignites a spot previously touched. I had already experienced the home owner as dismissive about our finding two huge (dead) roaches in the pots and pans cupboard and the lack of cleanliness upon arrival. We learn both skillful means and unskillful means from our previous experiences.

    Because of my previous experience I knew where not to look and I knew where to look to see what I wanted to see: the Killdeer babies.

    In its highest expression pain, fear, and grief come as teacher — perhaps not pleasant, but teacher none-the-less. Getting caught in duality causes such profound pain. If we want to see what we want to see, we must know where to look.

    We are all moving through our past. We were children. We were adolescents. We have had lots of experiences and some may have been challenging, unpleasant, dismissive or even abusive. We are also moving into our future where we do not yet know what we will see or not see. We do not know what will surprise and delight us — or surprise and offend or harm us. This is the nature of working with both the darkness and the light.

    Would you think it possible to get two full-sized lampshades into a 2-quart pitcher? I was able to roll up two full-sized lamp shades and slip them neatly into this pitcher for safe travels North. Here is a photo to prove it!

    As Robert Fulghum wrote in All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten: “Don’t believe everything you think!”

  • Currently Open on my Laptop

    Texting with a close friend early one morning as she started her busy day, her friend sent the day’s “Daily Reflection” from Deep Spring Center for Meditation:

    Consciously envision peace. Spend at least a few minutes every day envisioning what this world could look like in a very detailed way if beings were able to live peacefully with each other, making space for different views, and free of hatred. Practice peace in all the simple ways. Smell the flowers as they emerge this spring. Take time in your lives to be peaceful. Do not allow yourself to get caught up with the spectacle that your media may present. Watch unpleasant news a few minutes if you need to, and then go and pray and meditate. And in these ways, you will find yourselves becoming centers of peace for yourself and for all those who touch your own life. ~ Aaron

    She immediately sent back this photo of a quote by Joseph Campbell back to her friend: “We’re not on our journey to save the world but to save ourselves. But in doing that, you save the world. The influence of a vital person influences,” along with a four-word message: CURRENTLY OPEN ON MY LAPTOP.


    Called or uncalled, God is present.

    This is actually a statement that Jung discovered among the Latin writings of Desiderius Erasmus, who declared the statement had been an ancient Spartan proverb. Jung popularized it, having it inscribed over the doorway of his house, and upon his tomb.

  • Birds at Oakwood

    The 8-day silent meditation retreat will take more than one Yellow Brick Road to share with readers. Day One included 22-month old, Jackson, our great grandson, being air-lifted from the hospital in Chattanooga to Vanderbilt after he had a seizure in the parking garage following discharge.

    Day Eight is complete with nurse Linda diagnosing the rash I have been plagued with all week as likely a yeast infection. I will spare you photos of that, but more about both of these strong catalysts are sure to appear at a later date….

    Birds were an active part of my inner process this past week, so I will share with you their respective totem meanings in the order of their appearance:

    1. Chickadee Meaning

    Lots of Chickadees were in the grasses out back when I went for a short walk on dinner break of the Deep Spring Center Oakwood-at-home retreat with Barbara Brodsky and John Orr, and a host of spirit friends, as well as dharma sisters and brothers.

    People with the chickadee totem animal are fiercely protective of their “flock.” This manifests itself as vigilance which can at times become excessive. It is crucial that people with this totem animal learn to recognize the difference between healthy caution and anxiety.

    Chickadee tells you to be cheerful and hold your head up in all situations. You can transform your life and dictate your outcomes by thinking positively.

    Click to hear the Chickadee.

    2. Swan Meaning

    Each day I would choose a “touch” stone. I held the swan rose quartz on Monday.

    You become aware of your own inner beauty. You also unfold the ability to bridge to other realms and powers. The swan medicine helps you see the beauty of yourself as well as of others despite outer appearances. And that ability makes you like a ‘magnet’ that draws other people to you.

    3. Woodpecker Meaning

    The woodpecker teaches us to look beneath the surface of things and to open up our minds to the hidden meanings, lessons, and opportunities that life on earth has to offer.

    4. Blue Jay Meaning

    Blue Jays relate to everything from strength to confidence to communication, depending on the context in which you see them. For some, these birds have the reputation of being loud, aggressive, and mean. However, certain cultures see them as lucky or a symbol of good things to come.

    5. Crow Meaning

    Crows show up to let you know that there are spiritual shifts happening around you and remind you to pay attention to the spiritual messages that are sent to guide you. They represent transformation, cycles, psychic tools, and insight into unseen realms. Crows are problem solvers and can help you tune into a solution when you are faced with a challenge.

    6. Sparrow Meaning

    As the carillon at Pilgrim UCC church on the corner nearby began playing, the Sparrows in the shrub just outside my window began to sing right along! I noted in my retreat journal that this was happening, and clearly I heard in my mind, “Would you miss my sweet song just because I’m so ordinary?”

    Surprising Sparrow facts.

    The sparrow totem animal is connected with unity, selflessness, and integrity. People with the sparrow as their totem tend to be great team players…

    The House Sparrow (Passer domesticus) is, in fact, one of the most common and widespread animals on this planet. Although our familiarity with these birds often desensitizes us to their beauty, these common birds are no less fascinating and beautiful.

    Sacred to the goddess Aphrodite of the Greek pantheon, to Vishnu in Hindu mythology, and both Branwen and Rhiannon in Welsh mythology, the sparrow’s common nature has earned it a place in cultural traditions around the world.

    7. Blue Grosbeak Meaning

    Okay, the Blue Grosbeak sighting was in the wonderful article by my friend, Hart Rufe. His article posted on November 1, but I just saw it today after the end of the retreat. You can access the column at: https://www.stlucieaudubon.org/hart-beat-2022. New with this column is access to all past columns right in the top of the current page

    Symbolic of many things, including faith, adaptability, romance, and good news; the grosbeak is an endless source of wisdom. Like all birds, grosbeaks teach us to appreciate the beauty and blessings of the natural world. Different grosbeak colors have different symbolic meanings. Rose feathers symbolize emotions and they tell you to find a heart song that will heal your pain. Blue and green feathers signify abundance, fortune, harmony, and the possibility of a wedding.

    It is my sacred intention for that wedding to be a union of each human being with the higher self. May the benefits of this retreat be a blessing to all beings.

    Thank you, Claudia Mierau, for sharing this beautiful poem from the book, Go In and In, by Danna Faulds.

      “Allow” by Danna Faulds

      There is no controlling life.
Try corralling a lightning bolt, containing a tornado.
Dam a stream and it will create a new channel.
Resist, and the tide will sweep you off your feet.

      Allow, and grace will carry you to higher ground.
The only safety lies in letting it all in – 
the wild and the weak –
 fear, fantasies, failures, and success.

      When loss rips off the doors of the heart
 or sadness veils your vision with despair,
 practice becomes simply bearing the truth. In the choice to let go of your known way of being, the whole world is revealed to your new eyes.

  • Good Can Come From This

    This post was started on October 17, 2022. Today is now ten days later. I cannot explain fully what derailed my completing the entry, but, say only, a lot has changed during this interim. The post began with this:

      On Sunday, October 16, this loving blessing came through Barbara Brodsky:

      The Mother to Debra (10/16/2022)

      I love you.

      I know you heard what I said to the friend before you. The joys, the challenges, and with the challenge, “What gift have you brought me?”

      You are wise, My Dear One, and you understand that the challenge comes with a gift, but sometimes in your hurry to get through the challenge you don’t pause long enough to really see and to know the gift. Watch that fix-it mind that wants to push through it rather than pausing and saying, “Yes, ah…. Challenge, challenge. I am here to receive your gift.”

      And just rest there for a bit.

      The gifts reveal themselves to you but you’re still in a hurry to move through the challenge rather than experiencing the fullness of the gifts.

      “What gift have you brought me? Thank you. Thank you.”

      And it’s fine at the same time to say, “Yes, but this is too heavy for me right now so I wish to release it.” It’s fine to ask that, and the gift will return again in another form.

      I am with you and helping you. I love you.

    The “challenge” over the past few days surrounds our 22-month-old great grandson, Jackson. On Monday evening, October 24, Jackson had a seizure. He was taken by ambulance and admitted to Pediatric Intensive Care at Children’s Hospital at Erlanger in Chattanooga, Tennessee, where he has continued to have absence seizures, meaning they are detected on the EEG, but not by the human eye.

    Imagine a toddler with tubes and leads and restraints, and lots of pokes and lots of medications, and nothing at all normal…. that is where Himz (one of our nickname for Jackson) still is at the time of this post on Thursday morning, October 27.

    Of course, our concern and compassion is for Jackson, but also for his mom, our granddaughter, Courtney. And for our daughter, Stacey, Courtney’s mom. And for Jackson’s dad; Papa Bear, G-Pa…. Uncles, Brad and Adam. We are all shook to the core with these developments.

    John is so bonded to Jackson. Jackson was a major part of John’s healing goals when he went through the open-heart surgery in January. Getting to Tennessee in April on our way back to Michigan was about seeing Jackson.The color of Jackson’s favorite green blanket became a cue image for John’s recovery.

    This has been such a clear time for me of noticing myriad points of view in a single experience. My own childhood medical trauma (being hospitalized and treated for polio at age five); my terror when Stacey was about that age and face-planted into a fieldstone fireplace requiring a trip to the emergency room for stitches; month’s old grandson Brad’s being taken by ambulance during a Saturday night snowstorm with RSV…. Seeing every condition like waves in the ocean. Each appearing as separate, but part of the whole.

    Here is a recent photo of Jackson happily eating his first sandwich.

    I was not very skillful when Stacey had to have stitches. In fact, they would not allow me to go into the room with her because I was so distraught. The memory of John and me leaving the hospital with our baby (Stacey) folded into the crib under an oxygen tank with her baby (Brad) is as active now as it was 32 years ago.

    Each experience is woven together. Some threads are more obvious. Some patterns are more hidden.

    On Tuesday afternoon as Jackson was being sedated for an MRI, having a spinal tap to rule out some infection that might be causing the seizures, and wired with a continual EEG…. I wrote in my journal: “Good can come from this.”

    At meditation online that afternoon Sheilana’s poignant opening words, ”Why do we try to figure it out? Why don’t we just live and breathe and let it just be what it is? Is there any reason for me to believe that it should be anything or any way other than it is?”

    The theme for that evening’s class with Barbara Brodsky: When something startles you, or pain arises or fear, what state and stage of consciousness opens habitually with that challenge?

    Wednesday morning waiting news about how they were all doing, I put the following scripture on the Basham Family list:

    Romans 8:26

    In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans….

    Again this morning I wrote in my journal: “Good can come from this.”

    P.S. On Wednesday afternoon Stacey stepped out of Jackson’s room to give us a call. It was the first time we had spoken on the phone since all of this occurred and she was crying. A stranger handed her a card. Many of you have seen that card in a Sacred story post, but for any who have not, here is the link: Card From a Stranger
    P.S.S. Just as I was about to push publish, news that when the EEG was taken off Jackson sat up and smiled. His mom said, “I never knew how much I missed that smile!”

  • Drama Triangle Revisited Again and Again

    Lately, almost EVERYTHING I read or see or hear or feel reminds me of The Drama Triangle Revisited, one of the more infamous SCS/NLP offerings.

    A key awareness of Healing with Language is built on the Drama Triangle, developed by Steve Karpman. The main roles of the Drama Triangle—Victim, Persecutor, and Rescuer—are well-known, but not everyone is familiar with either the Cognitive Triangle or the Transrational Pyramid.

    For more information, see “The Drama Triangle Revisited” (a free download in PDF format).

    It will help you identify the various roles and allow you and your friends, family, and clients to move away from the drama of life and gain a sense of awareness, clarity, and harmony available from the Transrational Pyramid (Healing with Language, 2008, Bowman and Basham).

    For example, on Sunday, the blessing of Darshan with The Mother was clearly related to John’s medical process: You can hold your own aspirations and choices with love and offer them out for him to receive, but the highest aspiration always needs to be for that which is for the highest good for him and for yourself. Because you are straining yourself trying to carry him. And you cannot carry him. I will not help you carry him, but I will help you hold a field of love around him, around each other.

    At Tuesday’s Evening with Aaron, we were encouraged to move beyond any old fix-it habit energies. While Aaron did not use the term Drama Triangle, the message was clear: Fix-it energy helps to hold in place those two roles of victim and victimizer. What if you step out of that idea, holding space for both of them, seeing how they’re constantly pushing at each other. You can instead say, “I will not play with this whole cycle anymore. I step back out of it. You are responsible for finding the power in yourself to cease being the victim or victimizing others. And I will support your doing that in wholesome ways.”

    That is precisely what The Mother had told me about John! “I will not help you carry him….”

    Aaron went on to explain that the role of the fixer assumes there is something broken, and if something is broken, then something needs to be fixed. It is a never-ending cycle — until you stop being victimized by it. And you can. ONLY you can. Only YOU can. Only again and again.

    I have been invited as guest pastor at St. John United Church of Christ on June 19, which is Father’s Day. The theme of our time together will be observing your masculine teacher (for most of us our father). I am excited about the music for the day: Father’s Eyes by Amy Grant, and Father I Adore You, and Our Father (The Lord’s Prayer). I was looking for a wonderful piece of work from The Celestine Prophecy: An Experiential Guidebook on a flash drive holding the remnants of my previous PC that crossed the rainbow bridge.

    While searching for that, I came upon some old notes from a self-retreat at Still Waters. The notes were from a book by SARK. Susan Ariel Rainbow Kennedy, check out her amazing work. I am sorry that I do not know what book this saying is from, but I know the page number is 217.

    I am willing to live by this saying, “I don’t know why this has happened, but since it has, I must have helped cause it.” ~ SARK

    SARK made an important distinction: this is different from belief that an experience is happening to me because I need to develop such and such a characteristic. This is awareness we are co-creators.

    John and I are certainly experiencing awareness through all of this. A dear friend wrote today, “I continue to admire your wisdom, insights, courage and perseverance as I read your blog posts. It sounds like a long difficult passage, but with many blessings along the way.”

    I responded,”Like birth! And incarnation!!!!”

    While Joel P. Bowman and I were developing the body of materials we called SCS/NLP, he was triggered by a reference I made to a shared office space as”my office.” My comment, or perhaps more clearly his response to my comment, set of a chain-reaction and weeks of stress. Working together for over twenty years, we came to say we had fights so fierce we named them. This one was named: my office.

    During the “my office” drama, John and I were in the car on our way to Grand Rapids to have dinner with a friend. I was again and again hashing over the event when John asked simply, “What are you and Joel working on right now?”

    “The Drama Triangle,” I responded before continuing, “Why do you ask?”

    “Because you are always living the material,” was John’s wise reply.

    Joel and I recognized the third “triangle” in the human psyche is actually not a triangle at all. It is a pyramid. The Transrational Pyramid is centered in the heart chakra, and it is transrational in the sense we are able to be with our experiences beyond our personality. We live in a meta state throughout which Awareness is aware of the conditions or context; aware of our personal issues, and aware of the thoughts and feelings of the others affected.

    Aaron is fond of saying there is nothing needing to be fixed. From transrational awareness, we simply bring loving attention to what ever needs it. Transrational Awareness combines with Clarity and Peace to produce a sense of Harmony within self, with the other, and with the universe as a whole.

    Ah…. Transrational awareness. One of the many blessings along the way of this long difficult passage called life….


  • Outside of the Lines

    “If a wild animal like a cheetah
    can be tamed into forgetting her power,
    forgetting her majesty,
    forgetting her wild —
    then so can a woman.”

    ~ Glennon Doyle Melton

    I watched an interview in which Glennon Doyle Melton reported an experience of going to the zoo and watching the “cheetah run” with her children. She describes a zookeeper coming out with a dog on a leash and saying this dog has been a companion of the cheetah and allowed them to train the cheetah. The dog ran the race, chasing a “dirty pink bunny” behind a vehicle. The the cheetah did the same thing.

    Inside her very body, mind, and spirit, she recognized the way we (women AND men) have been trained.

    It is difficult for me to separate my hearing Glennon’s words from other current conditions.

    I write to a friend:

    His kids are moving him to a memory care facility in Tennessee. I finally see what about that pisses me off. Moving him to a facility so they can watch him like an animal in a zoo. Not moving him into their home and making the commitment to care for his needs as one would care for a newborn baby.

    He is not doing any of the things that make this option out of the question. He doesn’t run. He doesn’t fight. He simply forgets whether he has eaten or is hungry; whether or not he has showered or shaved or gone to the bathroom.

    Mind you, I do not pretend to know what is best for him. My reaction is not about what is happening to him. It is about what is happening within me.

    I can feel some life-calling brewing. Like my dreams upon waking, I have insufficient recall of the details.

    Everything is related to everything. Reading Glennon’s book, “Love Warrior: A Memoir” and taking notes:

      Love Warrior: A Memoir
      By Glennon Doyle Melton

      (p. 144)
      I’m trying to fix my pain with certainty, as if I’m one right choice away from relief. I’m stuck in anxiety quicksand: The harder I try to climb my way out, the lower I sink. The only way to survive is to make no sudden movements, to get comfortable with discomfort, and to find peace without answers… There is only one strategy I can count on during this time: Just do the next right thing. One thing at a time.

      I can never glimpse the end of the path, but if I squint hard, I can see the next step.

      I say: Give me today my daily bread. I don’t know what will happen tomorrow, but today, give me enough energy and wisdom and strength and peace to handle what comes…. Help me ignore the big decisions, which will make themselves, and just help me focus on the small ones.
      ~~~~~~~

      (p. 195)
      My spiral staircase of progress means that my pain will be both behind me and in front of me, every damn day. I’ll never be “over it,” but I vow to be stronger each time I face it. Maybe the pain won’t change, but I will. I keep climbing.
      ~~~~~

      (p. 203)
      Our pain is not the poison; the lies about the pain are….

      Along the way, we’ve internalized the lies: You are supposed to be happy all the time. Everybody else is! Avoid the pain! You don’t need it, it’s not meant for you. Just push this button. Finally, I was being quiet and still enough to hear the truth: You are not supposed to be happy all the time. Life hurts and it’s hard. Not because you’re doing it wrong, but because it hurts for everybody. Don’t avoid the pain. You need it. It’s meant for you. Be still with it, let it calm, let it go, let it leave you with the fuel you’ll burn to get your work done on this earth.

    The threads are witnessed from a safe distance. The right religion. The right treatment. The right partner. As though there is such a thing. We try to find the truth about the tooth fairy by putting our teeth under our pillow. The lies must been brought into the light. Yes, the tooth is gone and there is a quarter (OK, too cheap for today…. there is a dollar) under my pillow, but that has nothing to do with the truth.

    On Easter Sunday morning I watched the replay of an April 5 IANDS interview “Overcoming The Challenges and Discovering the Gifts of Spiritual Experiences” with Dr. Nicole Gruel. I so relate to her saying that the top risk of NOTES (Non-Ordinary Transcendent Experiences) is the relationship loss as others (and we ourselves) cannot accept awarenesses of the larger reality accessed by our experience.

    I did not go out of my way to notice that dead people talk to us.

    I would never have gone.

    Nor did I willingly leave the safety of the cocoon of Christianity to recognize the SOURCE of all life is “present within” each religion, but not “contained within” it.

    I would never have gone.

    If I had known learning Healing Touch would drive me into decades of despair dancing with the egotism of allopathic medicine, I NEVER WOULD HAVE GONE.

    Something changes when you are opened to the reality of the ever-perfect within the ever-imperfect. Everything changes when you stop searching for the RIGHT choice about anything and let your inner radiance see the light that shines brightly upon a path to everything.

    Later in the day I also tuned in to the Deep Spring Center for Meditation Easter Sunday gathering where Barbara Brodsky and Colette Simone took turns channeling Jeshua and Mary. I made few notes but the notes I did make are significant: The point is not to get through the incarnation, but to consecrate the incarnation. Aware of where we would not have been open to the heart, now we are able to. WOW. We are doing it.

    Glennon said it this way: My spiral staircase of progress means that my pain will be both behind me and in front of me, every damn day. I’ll never be “over it,” but I vow to be stronger each time I face it. Maybe the pain won’t change, but I will. I keep climbing.

    It pisses me off that his family does not know him well enough to draw out of his decaying brain things that he still knows. That he will be in a sea of strangers ignorant of the truth of him as a brilliant university professor who assisted so many on the path of learning. That someone will give him chocolate chip cookies instead of his preferred oatmeal raisin.

    But even as I am willing to feel the heat of anger, I am also willing to feel the spaciousness of peace and trust.

    Perhaps I can stop saying I never would have gone and see that I am going again even now.

    Sharing with a friend via text this morning I wrote: Maybe the trick is learning that the REAL art is what we create outside of the lines.

    Perhaps creating outside of the lines is itself a non-ordinary transcendent experience….