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Hello, this is Meghan.

Sacred Stories

Her daughter, Meghan, had recently passed. As she was preparing for a trip to one of Meghan’s favorite places, she took time to share a sweet encounter on her social media page.

Of course, there is always a frenzy prior to leaving the country and this morning nothing was going right as far as uploading travel documents. I finally decided to call the airline for assistance. I was talking to Meg out loud.

After only a one minute wait the phone was answered and I heard a young woman say, “Hello, this is Meghan. How can I help you?”

What are the odds?

It’s easy to take clouds for granted. They are almost always up in the sky and we often don’t notice them. But then there are the moments when they command our attention. (60 Cloud quotes)

July 21, 2022

July 16

The passion to alleviate suffering is itself part of the path, you know. To whatever degree we are able to do that.

And to honor that place in us that wishes to see the world as different.

~ Beverly Lanzetta, “Engage 2022“

Today is a momentous day in human history, when 13,152 Jews in Paris were arrested, including more than 4,000 children. Likely few individuals alive, exactly 80 years later, remember that date.

I just finished reading Sarah’s Key, a historical fiction novel by Franco-British author, Tatiana de Rosnay. On July 16, 1942, when the French police took Sarah and her parents into custody, this innocent child locked her younger brother in a cabinet — their secret hiding place — thinking he would be spared the trauma of the arrest. Even though Sarah’s Key is not historical fact, you can see why this is not an easy read (also made into a movie).

In 2012, as I was going through surgery to remove a 22cm mass on my ovary, I received a message from the Holy Spirit that the “divine feminine” could not be stabilized on the planet until human women could forgive human men. (The divine feminine is the spiritual concept that there exists a feminine counterpart to the patriarchal and masculine worship structures that have long dominated organized religions. The divine feminine extends well beyond one belief system, and instead can be used as a spiritual lens to balance our perspective.)

More from Beverly Lanzetta, in a talk titled “Becoming Wisdom:”

be

make

do

in

Last evening I received an email message from a friend on the dharma path asking me how I manage when there are so many people whose names we have to say prayers for. “It can become a very long prayer session, several hours, to say individualized prayers for each. Yet it feels insincere and superficial, irresponsible, to do some sort of group prayer.”

I shared some of my process. “In a practical sense, I first set an intention for the GROUP – meaning all beings – not just the sangha. I then allow (trust) spirit to bring to mind (I think of it as focusing a lens) individual aspects or persons. I do not try to manage this from my conscious mind.”

I went on to share about the time I was providing surgical support for a colleague in Tennessee who was having knee surgery. I used my customary process but on the day of her procedure she and her surgery did not come into conscious awareness. The following day she called to thank me and said my presence with her was palpable!

Yet another phase of softening around a “personal” identity.

Here is some more of the conversational stream with my dharma friend:

D: Yes! No “separate I” praying for or to, just awareness of that stream of consciousness called prayer. I read once, years ago, that prayer does not change god, it changes us. This makes a deeper sense to me now.

A: I know I spontaneously and periodically think of them throughout the day. I remind myself momentarily that they are in need, are suffering in some way that needs God’s attention and help.

D: Yes! I am in awe of how someone will pop into my mind and I will reach out and discover there is great need for support at that exact instant. One time, I received a mailing from our church conference. I saw the name of a woman I had counseled with at a youth camp. I knew her husband had been ill. I picked up the phone and called her. He had just passed…. I mean moments before. His body was still there in the house. When she asked me what had made me call, I told her seeing her name on the conference mailing prompted the call. She said she had not been in that group, and when I looked again at the list, her name was not on it!

A: Maybe Spirit knows and hears despite my drifting consciousness.

D: I am convinced you are right about this. In Christian terms it is said that the holy spirit prays for us. “In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans …” Romans 8:26.

On this July 16 (2022), the wordless groans of those 13,152 Jewish men and women, including the 40,000 children are heard….

“You can’t wait until
life isn’t hard any more
to be happy…”

~ Nightbirde

July 16, 2022

Dear Heart

Several times yesterday I felt great sadness and compassion for my body. This is likely the result of talking to my primary doctor about what I observe related to blood pressure and heart rate. She said the medications are not causing the things I am observing, so it makes her wonder about my heart. I am already scheduled to have a Coronary Artery Calcium Score test done next week.

The feelings of sadness and compassion for my body are like one would feel for “another” person. Awareness of all that my body has endured, plus a desire to care for it, fills me with great love.

The “Voice” assures me my heart is healthy.

The same “Voice” said it has assured me I was done with melanoma, and that has been the case.

At 2:00 am I received an email from a woman in our dharma study group. She is in her last trimester of pregnancy and she and her husband, their toddler son, and her parents are all ill with Covid. Two of Barbara Brodsky’s sons have tested positive and are quite ill. Another of my dharma buddies is also navigating.

I pick up crayons and a pen and begin to draw and write.

I draw a four-chambered heart, as observed in The Four-Fold Way: Walking the Paths of the Warrior, Teacher, Healer, and Visionary, by Angeles Arrien. Arrien is a cross-cultural anthropologist. She is a leading expert on native spirituality and shamanism. In The Four-Fold Way, she reveals the four archetypal principles of the Native American medicine wheel and how they can lead us to a higher spirituality and a better world.

Flowers spring up and I write a haiku (poem).

A Heart Haiku
Be strong, my dear heart
Be clear, like the open sky
Be full, like the moon

Opening can hurt
But being closed is not life
Break open, my dear heart

I write about beating. Beating all the odds. And that a heart breaks in only one direction: open. I write a an acrostic poem, in which the first letter (or syllable, or word) of each line (or paragraph, or other recurring feature in the text) spells out a word or message.

O – Only
P – Perfection
E – Exists
N – Now

I write a letter to my own physical heart.

Dear Heart,

I’ve taken you for granted most of my life. Please feel my gratitude for your constant beating — for moving blood through my body. For keeping time.

This day I pray for all hearts to awaken.

This day may all hearts be strong, clear, open and full.

May the heart of my body and the heart of this planet beat in harmony that all beings come to the end of suffering.

May all beings know peace.

Love, Debra

~ Daily Quote by Aaron

July 14, 2022

Moments of Choice

If you want to go quickly, go alone.
If you want to go far, go together.
~ African proverb

Several weeks ago I saw a coyote pup in the field adjacent to Pilgrim Congregational UCC Church, directly across from our park. I mentioned it in a previous post titled: Coyote Pup and Purposeful Purse Project. I had stopped and we watched one another for quite some time, but it made the pup nervous, so, “He pulled away first but I continued to watch as he gingerly picked his way to the church parking lot and out of my view.”

Edward Salim Michael (1921-2006) was an extraordinarily talented composer and had tremendous potential as an artist, but most importantly, he was a mystic, almost a natural mystic. For those who have never heard of him, it is worth noting that his work was about how you can achieve a direct inner experience of your higher nature and the after-death state (from which you originate and to which you will return).

If you are interested in what is referred to as “the law of attention,” or you know you long to have an experience of “hearing the holy sound,” you might want to check out The Price of a Remarkable Destiny: The Life and Spiritual Journey of Edward Salim Michael.

This book–at once simple and powerful–stands as a monument to the lifelong spiritual struggles of Edward Salim Michael, struggles that he heroically surmounted on his path to enlightenment. Due to the circumstances of his birth, Michael had no education, no mother tongue, and no book learning when he was drafted at the age of 19 into the British Royal Air Force during World War II. After learning to read and write he became an accomplished classical composer in France. In 1949, after seeing a statue of a Buddha for the first time, he experienced a powerful awakening of his innate Buddha Nature, which inspired him to begin a sustained and extremely disciplined meditation practice.

On Saturday morning, I rode my bike to the remembrance garden at the hospice building in preparation for meeting with my friend Kim, to officiate the Celebration of Life of her 32 year old son. I saw a dead coyote pup on the edge of Maiden Lane. I cannot say with certainty that it was the pup I had seen previously. I was instantly reminded of having seen both the peaceful fawn corpse, then the traumatized doe corpse. I looked up “coyote” totem meaning again:

The coyote is here to remind you that even if you don’t feel it, you actually have the capacity to handle any situation you find yourself in.

It seems right now every human being on the planet is experiencing many moments of choice.

This morning, looking back over my notes from a healing workshop with Barbara Brodsky, and Aaron, on Wednesday, May 24, 2017, I read about ancestral baggage.

Aaron: When I think of ancestral baggage, I think of literally the karma one has taken on from one’s physical ancestors, both family and of a wider group – cultural group, religious group, even human karma. The personal karma is different.

For example, as I meet, counseling and working with people, there is a generation today, many of whom experienced the Holocaust from one side, one perspective or another. Many who experienced it, not personally but had parents and grandparents who experienced it, are carrying some of that “personal baggage” from it and in healing it through finding forgiveness for the places of fear and hatred in their own hearts, healing that in themselves. They don’t have to be thinking of the situation of the Holocaust, but they are helping to free the anger and fear and hatred of their ancestors.

Those from the other perspective, who were among those who were doing such great harm, may experience the same thing. There’s often enormous shame and guilt in the incarnate self, without any real understanding of where it came from. Its not personal karma, but they came in to the incarnation with the intention to help to heal, to free some of the ancestors who are very much trapped in the terrible things they did and the self-remorse and self-hatred over those things.

Tavis: Can one heal, then, these longstanding ancestral issues by addressing one’s own guilt, shame….

Aaron: Absolutely. And this is the best place to release it. When you release it for yourself, you release it for everyone. So, this is very powerful.

What to do if you see a coyote?
If you see a coyote during the daytime, you should exhibit caution, as that coyote may have become habituated to humans (and may be more likely to attack). If you are approached by a coyote, you should yell, wave your arms, and/or throw something at the coyote (do not run away).

May all beings resist the urge to run away when we witness ancestral karma, and may we each make the most of many moments of choice.

July 11, 2022

It’s a Gift

And I said to my body, softly,
“I want to be your friend.”

It took a long breath. And replied,
“I have been waiting my whole life for this.”

~ Nayyirah Waheed

Speaking about his book, All for Love: The Transformative Power of Holding Space, Matt Kahn shares,”I look back at these times and all the stories that I tell — I’m telling some very deep stories, I’m telling some very emotionally stirring stories. But as I’m telling the stories, even when I’m recalling the deepest pain, I’m really recalling them from a place of gratitude, because I look back at my life and I really do see how everything was a divine setup for who I came to be and all the lives that I’m so blessed I have the chance to touch.”

This has certainly been true for my life as well.

In 1988 I was living with chronic pain. I was having bad days and worse days. I NEVER had a day back then that was free of pain.

Experiencing relief of unrelenting chronic pain resulted in my passion for getting certified in Healing Touch.

It is other-worldly to even imagine what would have unfolded differently without all of it.

The focus circle is based on the work of Jerry and Esther Hicks (The Vortex), and the sample used below is adapted from one that was created by Arvind Singh.

Step one is to identify what you think of as a current limitation. The sample I have used is: “I feel insecure about my body.” Write about whatever you are working with in your own words so you know what will help.

Next, make a short, positive statement of what you do want: “A vibrant, healthy, sexy, body.” Be sure to avoid anything that might seem unrealistic or unattainable right now, like the following: “My body could be on the cover of a fitness magazine, “or “I can have my dream body in a week.” Again, using your own words for your goal.

Now, easily start your change in attitude, belief, and behavior, from a place you have experienced because, as Singh says, it is hard to have emotional resistance about something that you have already had.

1. I like the way that I feel in that new outfit.
2. I have a desire to be healthy.
3. I felt so vibrant that night in Cancun, just dancing all night.
4. I feel my cells responding as I write this, getting brighter and healthier.
5. Everything I have ever really put my mind to, I have accomplished.
6. I’ve been told I have amazing eyes.
7. What I’m experiencing right now has created a strong desire for change.
8. I can see myself feeling confident and attractive.
9. My inner-being loves me unconditionally.
10. I appreciate the fact that I can deliberately achieve what I want.
11. When I close my eyes I can see and feel my vibrant, healthy, sexiness.
12. I am a beautiful and beloved creation.

I always like to look again at my positive statement and notice I can actually feel that now.

State your current positive statement, “I feel vibrant, healthy, and sexy now” and just relax a bit as you think about all the things that are wonderful that came to be out of a process. Plants, babies, houses, your goal for better health and well-being – they are all things that take a while to achieve and they are worth the time and commitment.

All human beings are navigating life.

Rather than be disappointed or angry or sad about what someone (even if that someone is you) is experiencing, realize that you might be moments from a breakthrough.

While it is undeniable they are not pleasant, breakdowns can lead to breakthroughs. We end up having more compassion, more understanding, and more wisdom. We learn something helpful and share that with others.

At first, we can feel out-of-control and overwhelmed with our feelings of despair and anxiety. It’s hard to see that what we are going through is often a gift wrapped in a not-so-pretty package. ~ Kristen D. Boice

Its a gift that I have been waiting my whole life for!

July 6, 2022

Five Tiny Crystals

Sacred Stories

She has had a Karma chakra chart with the corresponding colors laying on her desk at work for a month or so. She was straightening up and getting ready for an appointment. Everything was normal on her desk. She plugged in a new CD with healing sounds from crystal bowls and that reminded her of her friend, James, so she said, “Hi.”

Her phone buzzed. She got up from her chair to go to it. It was just a friend checking in.

She looked at her desk, and noticed five tiny crystals laying in a little pile on the chakra sheet!

She had JUST been over there and there was nothing there. There were no crystals there when she had picked up the sheet to re-read the Sacral chakra because her tummy was hurting. “Now, I have five baby ones and I don’t know where they came from,” she said in a text message to a friend, “I lined them up on the paper.”

Her friend sent a text message back, “It seems you do know where the tiny crystals came from! We keep getting better at recognizing and honoring and receiving help from non-physical.”

Here is the photo, along with her response: “Life can be so fun!”

― Thích Nhất Hạnh, No Death, No Fear

The day my mother died I wrote in my journal, “A serious misfortune of my life has arrived.” I suffered for more than one year after the passing away of my mother. But one night, in the highlands of Vietnam, I was sleeping in the hut in my hermitage. I dreamed of my mother. I saw myself sitting with her, and we were having a wonderful talk. She looked young and beautiful, her hair flowing down. It was so pleasant to sit there and talk to her as if she had never died. When I woke up it was about two in the morning, and I felt very strongly that I had never lost my mother. The impression that my mother was still with me was very clear. I understood then that the idea of having lost my mother was just an idea. It was obvious in that moment that my mother is always alive in me.

I opened the door and went outside. The entire hillside was bathed in moonlight. It was a hill covered with tea plants, and my hut was set behind the temple halfway up. Walking slowly in the moonlight through the rows of tea plants, I noticed my mother was still with me. She was the moonlight caressing me as she had done so often, very tender, very sweet… wonderful! Each time my feet touched the earth I knew my mother was there with me. I knew this body was not mine but a living continuation of my mother and my father and my grandparents and great-grandparents. Of all my ancestors. Those feet that I saw as “my” feet were actually “our” feet. Together my mother and I were leaving footprints in the damp soil.

From that moment on, the idea that I had lost my mother no longer existed. All I had to do was look at the palm of my hand, feel the breeze on my face or the earth under my feet to remember that my mother is always with me, available at any time.

July 5, 2022

Out-flowing – Getting Free (By Setting Others Free)

Thought for Today

Imagine a whole world of beings deeply committed to expressing themselves with some kind of beauty, not necessarily physical beauty but beauty of generosity of spirit, of kindness. Imagine a world where this can flourish. Here we have the imaginal cells at work.

So, if we talk about what conditions
are needed for a world that can be at peace,
all beings living in a wholesome way,
not destroying themselves and each other,
what’s needed here?

Can you begin to imagine it?

Because if you can’t imagine it,
you can’t plant the seeds that can co-create it.
~ Aaron, Deep Spring Center For Meditation and Spiritual Inquiry

Oh, my…. yesterday I came out of my center and went off like the olden days. I have distant memory of allowing fear to totally dictate my days.

One very memorable moment from long, long, ago in a far-way land, took place when John and I were in St. Thomas in the Virgin Islands. I had been there previously without John so I knew that they drove American-made vehicles on the English side of the road. Navigating through the downtown was nothing short of terrifying, so I had UBER planned our trip to pick up our rental car at the remote end of the island near where we were staying. But when the guy came to bring me the car, he had come from the Airport!!!

I made such a scene! He told me the remote location had closed. I told him I did not care about any of that, my contract was with the Red Hook location and that was where I was going to take him. He could hitchhike back to the airport, walk, or call for someone to come and get him. That was his problem.

Oddly, I am not sure how it resolved itself, but I admit I have often imagined him telling the story of a berserk customer having a meltdown in the lobby of Frenchman’s Reef.

Yesterday’s trigger was around politics.

When I told Stacey I had gotten triggered by something political, she said, “How did you even get close enough to something political to get triggered?” I am grateful she knows my true nature is apolitical (not interested or involved in politics).

This morning I woke up feeling shaky inside. It was the sort of feeling that would encourage me to take 1/2 of the Zanax, but I was going to my primary, Dr. Mancini, for the post-hospitalization visit and I did not want to mask my state. I was honest about how I was feeling, and she was beautifully present with me. I agreed to start on a low-dose prescription to lower blood pressure, and to continue the statin until we have results of the cardiac plaque test. As we navigated, I could feel myself regulating. Then I went with John to the pain clinic…. oy vey!

After he was home and resting, I decided to ride my bike to pick up the new medication. This was the first time I had been back on my bike since the TGA event one week ago today. Riding really does balance me, but the transformation came not while I was riding, but while I was in line at Walgreens.

The person in front of me (it was a long wait) was arranging to pick up her prescriptions next week. She said something about needing to wait until then (for financial reasons). She completed her consult, and left.

When I stepped up to the window, I said I wanted to pay for her medications. It was such a spontaneous action, and it took approval of a manager, but we figured out how it could be done with my not having any information other than the total cost.

I floated out of that store.

Yesterday I shared a handout on Essentials of Self Care: Breath and Emotions with a colleague who is teaching a mindfulness course in the fall. The handout includes a quotation by Norman Vincent Peale, from The Amazing Results of Positive Thinking: Dramatic Proof of How Positive Thinking Has Changed the Lives of Millons… and How it Can Change Your Life!. His words of wisdom were written in 1959, but they have never been more timely.

When people get rid of fear, anxiety and self-centeredness they develop a kind of ecstatic joy and delight in living. The world seems so different and newly wonderful that they tend to love everybody and everything. And they become so warm-hearted and delightful that people take a real liking to them. They change from withdrawn, worrying persons to ones with vitality and charm. They become “out-flowing” personalities; that is, personalities which now flow outward towards others in kindness and helpfulness. (p.60)

Sunday I will be guest pastor at St. John UCC again. The theme is “Freedom From and For.” We will share a beautiful exercise on getting free from Reunion Living Ministry. Thank you, Betty Lue and Robert.

By freeing actively and willingly desiring that the key people in our lives be totally free and powerful, we get to be free and powerful ourselves. So here is an affirmation-prayer that may help us begin by freeing others, so that we can begin to free ourselves.

I, (your name), want you, (his or her name), to be the highest, clearest, most powerful expression of God that you can be. I would not limit you in any way, knowing that only as I encourage you to expand, and grow, can I myself be free. So I fully support you in being and expressing all that you are.

I want you to go where you feel called to go, to speak and act as you feel guided, and to express yourself in whatever ways seem right. There is nothing I do not want you to do, for I know that all movement is contained within the mind of God and always leads us to Him.

I am at peace with whatever decisions and choices you make, no matter how they may seem to affect me. Since I know that God loves and supports me perfectly, then I know that however you choose to be with me must be a manifestation of that divine love and support. Because I trust God, I trust you. And because I trust you, I trust myself.

So be free, be powerful, be unlimited. And know that I, (your name), want you, (his or her name), to be the highest, clearest, most powerful expression of God that you can be. I fully support you in being all that you are.

In the blank I wrote: I, Debra, want all human beings to be the highest, clearest, most powerful expressions of God.

We must be the change we wish to see in the world. ~ Mahatma Gandhi

Amen.

June 29, 2022

Transient Global Amnesia

I will surrender to my greatest highest good.
I will release any fear that blocks my way.
For every step I take is taken in pure faith,
And I am stronger every moment every day.

(Lyrics) Morning Prayer, I Surrender by Karen Drucker

In 2012, following the hysterechtomy to remove a 22 cm ovarian mass, I experienced a temporary lack of the normal muscle contractions of the intestines (ileus). Relief did not fully occur until a dear friend did Reiki on me. We laughed that she was able to Reiki the $h!t out of me. To this day, every bowl movement is accompanied by a real-time jolt of joy. It reminds me of a toddler’s excitement at going potty.

Wednesday morning, June 22, 2022, seemed like a normal day. I did some meditation and went for a bike ride. I really was riding as a way of “getting back on the horse” after having taken a tumble on Monday morning. A serious case of road rash on my arm and hand resulted.

After I got back from my ride, I was able to proofread a piece for a friend, and I said goodbye to John as he left for his physical therapy appointment. Very soon after that, I was miraculously able to phone Linda Gunter, saying I had been trying to pay some bills but was feeling very confused.

Medical phobia (a result of womb and childhood trauma) has been a constant companion. My “career” of mind-body work was an outgrowth of seeking and sharing with others tools that gave me relief. I ended up in ER and was admitted to the hospital for a stroke-workup. I am relieved to report that ALL of the tests show no stroke, no brain bleed, no seizure.

The diagnosis: Transient Global Amnesia. A common feature of transient global amnesia includes repetitive questioning, usually of the same question. Mine was, “Did I have a bike accident?”

Tears come to my eyes easily, including as I write this morning. I have about 8 hours of my life I do not have any recall of, but, more importantly, I have a long-lasting sense of relief and gratitude and freedom from fear of medical things.

On Friday morning, June 17, I had done some off-road riding, and because I rode in the opposite direction of my normal route, I came upon a remarkable fawn corpse. Regardless of the obvious fact that the lower body of the fawn had been eaten, the fawn exuded innocence, and beauty, and peace. I have previously shared the photo with a few people. I was so moved, and I knew I would write about it, but I had no idea what else was to come forth.

A doe corpse I saw on my ride Monday morning was the exact opposite of the fawn. The doe had been killed by a car. The stench of fear, terror, anguish hung heavily in the air. Just as was the peace of the fawn corpse, this fear of the doe corpse was “palpable.”

I knew in that instant a profound truth: a fragrance of our life and our death “lingers.”

Transient global amnesia can be caused by a stroke or a seizure, but it can also be a result of stress, anxiety, or high blood pressure. This “Molotov cocktail” has been my poison for so long. The neurologist said you can think of TGA like when a circuit breaker pops, or when your computer system reboots.

My entire life has been plagued by fear. I learned that fear in the womb, then it was amplified at age five when I was treated for polio by being placed in isolation. Never having previously been separated from my mother, that hospitalization was traumatic for both of us. IT WAS THE VERY SAME HOSPITAL I WAS TAKEN TO THIS WEEK.

I recognize and honor the good that has come as a result of all of my life challenges, but I am profoundly grateful of the recent unfolding. My greatest fear had been that I would be a “bad” witness at the time of my death. I yearned to be able to welcome my return to spirit with joy — with the innocence and beauty and peace of the fawn. I know the continuity of consciousness is real. I want to be a way-shower in my death as well as in my life.

According to the information from Mayo Clinic, transient global amnesia has no direct complications. It’s not a risk factor for stroke or epilepsy. It’s possible to have a second episode of transient global amnesia, but it’s extremely rare to have more than two.

After a major stroke took her left brain off-line, Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor (My Stroke of Insight) was able to rewire her brain without the fear. Our book club read her book, and, if her story is new to you, you will love her TED talk (which has been viewed over 28 million times). I had the honor of seeing her speak in person a number of years ago. She has certainly taken full advantage of her adversity.

On Wednesday night, in a hilarious Train of Care, John and Linda and Larry left me at the hospital.

The train pulled out leaving me alone, but not afraid. So many people were holding me in prayer and love and light, and I could feel it. During the night, a guy pulled out his IV and I could hear the nurses saying there was blood everywhere. Someone with a trach tube kept having to be suctioned out. I heard people crying out in pain or confusion. Inside of me, I could hear beautiful sounds of love. I played Karen Druker’s Morning Prayer. I softened and felt the peace that passes understanding.

One of the women in my small dharma group shared this:

Debra. I just wanted to share with you that when you were in the hospital, I was sitting and sending you energy and support, and I had one of the more powerful experiences I’ve had of being filled with energy, light and love, feeling it move through my body as a vessel toward you, surrounding you in love. . . I do wonder if all sitting in prayer that way, we joined together in that 5th dimensional healing, of sangha. With love, Lisa

(Worth mentioning is how having just gone through a stroke work-up with John two months ago, my experience was less “unknown” and I know that supported this miracle of release of fear. One friend said she could see it as a “sacred contract” he and I came in to this life with. It certainly is sacred.)

Every time I recall something mundane, such as when John could not remember the name of a child who came to music on Thursday evening. I told him her name is Sophie and I got an immediate jolt of joy!

Terror Gone Away… I think that is how I will remember this TGA.

June 25, 2022

Walking in Wonder

Neale Donald Walsch’s Conversations with God puts it this way: Life works out in the process of Life Itself. All you have to do is trust that it will, and allow it to.

My blood pressure was 126/80 at the doctor’s office on Monday afternoon. I reported that I am doing deep work with Laura. Dr. Mancini asked if my left knee had been bothering me. She said it is the hip flexor pulling at the knee and she has me doing a hip-drop stretch. I am doing on the massage table that we currently have set up in the great room here in our tiny house!

From the “Voice of the Holy Spirit” in my journal writing yesterday:

Good Goats

We know you are not sure what you are to see your friend, Laura, about today, but you are willing to look. In fact, you are willing to look at the emptiness of catalysts!

The catalysts don’t cease as much as they cease to trigger you into mindless reactivity. We know your history with storms. Monday evening you were appropriately watchful. You are appropriately watchful at this time about possible conditions related to blood pressure and your heart.

Debra: I am wondering if you can give me clarity if I have sleep apnea?

Would you trust what your guidance tells you over what the tests reveal?

Debra: I know sometimes I can fool myself. Other times, I am able to trust. For example, you have assured me I am done with melanoma. And that no cancer was related to the ovarian mass.

Notice the tendency to future or past. What is your experience in this present moment?

Debra: Like when I was walking and would get lost in thought by planning or remembering and my heart rate would skyrocket!. I began walking as though I was with my three-year-old grand daughter, taking it all in, present with my present experience.

I shared this awareness with Laura. She wondered what this little girl might need from me. My sense is she does not need anything from me but she wants to give me a carefree life experience. I told Laura about the soul collage I did at a retreat on living and dying well I attended in 2014. Here I am:

Notes from Evening with Aaron:

It is about waking up. What does waking up mean?

There is no “other” only myriad faces of the self — all expressions of something — all interacting.

I am not born, I do not die.

One is always awake, but not yet aware of that awakeness.

You don’t want to suppress anything, or act it out…. There is a middle ground. (speaking of rage)

Money is energy. What if everyone who has money said, “I’ll help people learn how to feed themselves.” We are not in control — let it be. You can’t hold on to it. (speaking of the stock market)

Joy is holding the world afloat. Be grateful to yourself for the joy you feel. Offer it out to the world.

Sharing the story of Nathaniel and his friends being robbed of everything: food, clothing. He was lamenting about not being able to do anything but was asked what he would do that morning if he had not been robbed and had food and clothing. He said he would eat breakfast and walk on to his destination. He was told, “Well, even with out breakfast, you best walk on.” They were given food and clothing and blankets and a place to lie down by individuals living in a leprosy camp. Those with so little were so generous.

Hello, Darkness, my old friend. The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls….

Acknowledge the emotion. Offer it good will.

I shared an experience I had as I was riding my bike. I saw a man spraying weeds in the cracks in his driveway. I was very aware of the bias about that. Suddenly the weeds I pull in my Zen walkway asked me if I thought it was kinder to pull them up by the roots than it was to have that man spray the poison on the weeds. “Does that mean that you would be in favor of the gas chamber, but not the electric chair, or the electric chair, but not the guillotine?”

Sitting in meditation a little later in the day I recall awareness of comparing and judging mind. A voice begins to tell me about different chemicals having different properties. Asks me to think about being in a chemistry class or having a chemistry set. One chemical produces one result, and another chemical produces another result. It is not at all that one chemical is bad and another chemical is good. Telling me, “From your perspective, you see one result as being more desirable. To think of your seeing one result as being more desirable as wrong is just more comparing mind and judging.”

Aaron responded to my sharing of this experience with such clarity and kindness. “If you set out the ant trap you are not killing the ant, you are giving the ant the free will choice to eat the poison or not.”

This morning as I sit down for meditation, I read the Word for the Day from Gratefulness.org:

One way to open your eyes
is to ask yourself,
“What if I had never
seen this before?
What if I knew I would
never see it again?”

~ Rachel Carson

Sounds very much like walking in wonder as the one in my soul collage!

June 15, 2022

Coyote Pup and Purposeful Purse Project

Every child is an artist.
The problem is
how to remain an artist
when you grow up.

~ Pablo Picasso

Yesterday was very busy. I did the grocery shopping and had everything put away before John got up. I worked right up to the Sunday morning meditation at 11:00 and was back online at 1:30 for the last Remembering Wholeness until fall.

Part of the busy was preparing the ingredients for stir fry. Note* It was delicious!

I don’t just mean the finished product of the stir fry was delicious, although it was. I am saying the moments of my day were delicious. And like the pork and the veggies in the stir fry, delicious and tender.

One friend was given this darshan – darshan is seeing a holy person or the image of a deity and being seen and given a blessing. Late last evening my friend asked if I had the otter transcript of the darshan he had been given. I had grabbed the otter notes just in case when Barbara Brodsky was having some challenge saving it, and I was so honored to transcribe it for my friend. I think you will agree that although my friend’s circumstance may be unique, the darshan is universal.

Right now, you are alive.

There’s more life to come.

But for everybody here in this world, eventually there will be a passing from this life.

My Friend, you can live what remains of this life — whether it is weeks, months, years, or decades — you can live it more fully if you can relax and trust that when the end does come, it is soulful. You are held in love and the transition can be a very beautiful and smooth transition.

Remembering there is nothing to fear about that, you can then bring the attention back to, “So, now, how can I live this life with as much joy and presence as I can, however much time that is.

How can I live through this year of 2022, next year of 2023, with a full heart of love, not looking ahead with fear, knowing each day to be a natural transition to the next day and making the choice to invite the highest health possible for the physical body as this spiritual body moves through its process and opens more and more to the light.

I know there is pain, and discomfort, and, of course, as I just said, fear. This is natural.

Allow yourself to be where you are. If there’s discomfort, you can acknowledge that discomfort. You don’t have to be stoic and say, no, there’s no discomfort. There is. The physical body will have discomfort.

And if there is fear, allow the experience of fear without getting caught in the story. You understand? I know you do understand what I am saying.

In this way you can live each hour, each day, each year as fully and joyfully as possible and spread your energy here. Finish doing the high, loving work you came to do, where you have demonstrated the power of love for your wife, for your friends, for your sangha.

You are a great inspiration to others.

But you may become tired of doing that and say, “I’ve had enough of being an inspiration and I need to let it go.” That’s okay, too.

Know how much you are loved, and that everyone in this circle (and many more) hold you in their hearts.

Today at 3:00 I go back to my doctor. My blood pressure is still not where we would like it to be but I am more often allowing the experience of fear without getting caught in the story. It is my highest intention to live each hour, each, day, each year as fully and joyfully as possible.

John is in a sciatica flare. It came on early last week while I was attending the intensive. He had to cancel the 24 hour “ambulatory” blood pressure study on Thursday because he was not able to be ambulatory. On Saturday I mowed our lawn. Possibly the first time I have mowed in close to 40 years. I had never used a self-propelled mower, and one hummingbird feeder was sacrificed in my learning curve.

I was enjoying the last morsels of the stir fry when my phone rang. It was a woman I met on Friday at her rummage sale. I left my phone number, sharing that I have a friend who is making “Purposeful Purses.” She got the idea from another friend. Into these purses go bottled water, toiletries, a pair of socks, and a few non-perishable food items. These purses stay in her vehicle and are presented to a homeless person at a stop light or at the park or wherever she encounters them.The woman was calling to say 4 purses had not sold and she welcomed the opportunity to be part of this purposeful purse project. I thanked her and said I would finish my dinner and ride over and pick them up.

It was such a gorgeous day, and I had been indoors online for about five hours, so on my way home I turned at the corner and gave myself the gift of a little longer ride. Just as I was coming up to the entry of our park, I saw a coyote pup in the field across the street! I pulled to the side of the road and stopped and we looked deeply at one another. He pulled away first but I continued to watch as he gingerly picked his way to the church parking lot and out of my view. This morning I looked up Coyote Symbolism & Meaning:

Have you been under a lot of stress lately? The coyote symbolism might give you a boost to laugh at yourself or even play a trick on you.

The general symbolic meaning is a jokester, playfulness, adaptability, seeing the truth behind it, a complex and cunning personality, wisdom, and cleverness.

It often represents two sides of the same coin, being a troublesome creature, but a good fortune sign.

The coyote will bring hidden emotions and thoughts to the surface, making you uncomfortable but healing you.

The coyote animal totem is for those that want to forget about their worries and live in the present moment alongside the most important people in your life, your family.

Children will suddenly approach you as they love your joyful nature and energy. Being so full of life, you will feel even more refreshed around them.

Aaron’s Thought for Today reinforces the message:

Gain and loss, pleasure and pain, joy and sorrow, light and dark — these are seeming opposites, but nothing is truly an opposite but always part of everything else. What would joy be without sorrow? How would you recognize joy? How would you recognize the light if there were no sense of darkness? How would you know spaciousness if there were never contraction? But we must recognize the distinction between ultimate reality and those mundane objects that arise from conditions and pass away. Reflect on the beauty of light and love as ultimate realities, and how darkness and contraction arise out of conditions and pass away. ~ Aaron

Over the weekend my nephew, David, enjoyed a visit with our daughter, Stacey, in Tennessee. Our great-grandson, Jackson, was visiting with Stacey (G-Ma) and David said Jackson was stuck on him like glue. I can understand that totally as David, having spent many years incarcerated, is now keenly aware of and thriving on the gift of his freedom.

Bees dance amidst the flowers outside my window and I savor the pleasant, cool, low-humidity days because I know they are going to be replaced with heat and humidity before nightfall. That is the point, isn’t it….

June 13, 2022

Tag: DebraBasham.com