Debra Basham

Living and Loving

Tag: Debra Basham

  • It Is Only Mud!

    I was going to stop at a nearby apple stand on the way to my doctor’s appointment, but was a wee bit tight on time. Thanksgiving would be missing something without my mom’s Dutch apple pie. It is my contribution to bring Michigan apples to Tennessee for the pies.

    I had just loaded my precious apples into the front seat of my van when another customer arrived. The man had a couple of questions about the varieties and prices, and since he assumed I am a person who knows something, I helped him make his selection.

    As I came back around my van to get into the driver’s seat, I noticed another vehicle in the circle drive way across the lawn. A woman was standing in front of it, looking stressed.

    I called over to her, “Do you need some help?”

    Nodding her head, she called back, “Yes, we are stuck.”

    Thinking I was just doing some quick in-and-out-of-the-car errands, I had no hat or gloves. The wind was brisk as I walked across the lot.

    A younger man, perhaps a son, was on his hands and knees, digging behind the back tire with a small stick. Dressed only in athletic shorts and a light jacket, he was down on the cold, damp ground.

    “We could use some cardboard,” the woman said.

    I hiked back across the lawn, and opened the back of my van. I knew I had unloaded some cardboard boxes earlier, sending them to recycling. I grabbed the only thing in there—a white rag rug. By standing on tip-toe, and leaning over the counter into the apple stand, I was able to reach a small board that had “PEACHES” painted on one side.

    I hiked back across the lawn, clutching the rug in one hand and the board in the other.

    The woman looked at the rug and shook her head, “I don’t want to get your rug muddy….”

    “It is only mud,” I pointed out.

    I was finally able to convince them we could use the rug under one tire and the board under the other for traction. Cautioning the woman to step on the gas very slowly, I went to the front of her vehicle to push. She got in, put the vehicle in reverse, and I pushed.

    Success!

    It is our experience that if we feel hateful, we act hatefully. If we feel loving, we act lovingly. Likewise, if we truly feel that everything and every one is an expression of the same one Reality that we ourselves are, we will act accordingly and will quite literally behave towards others as we would behave towards ourselves.

    (The Transparency of Things, by Rupert Spira)

    Today is only November 19, but the season of kindness has already arrived.

    This year, let’s see if we can all remember it is only a rug, and it is only mud, whatever it is. Let’s be intentional to have kindness last until this time next year, and then let’s start the season of kindness all over again.

    Here is the freshly washed rug, no worse for the wear.

  • Aunt Millie

    Sacred Stories

    He was at an open house, waiting out in the driveway for the arrival of an elder friend. As the friend arrived, and he helped her park safely, a man walked up.

    The man was asking for directions to the Dial-a-Ride. Having walked a good long way already after making a wrong turn, because it was a very hot day, he offered to give the man a ride.

    As they were driving, small talk led to discovery that the man’s home town was the town where he had been born. “I still have some family that lives there.”

    “What is the last name?” asked the grateful passenger.

    “That is the last name was a very good friend of my mom’s. Her first name was Mildred. She died recently.”

    “Yes, that was my Aunt Millie….”

    These are sacred stories. Pay attention to happenings in your life. Do you have a story to share? Send email to debra@scs-matters.com.

  • 5 Reflections

    “A friend is someone
    who knows the song in your heart
    and can sing it back to you
    when you have forgotten the words.”
    ~ C.S. Lewis.

    Those words were shared by me at the end of a tearful conversation with a dear friend. My friend was remorseful for having offended a family member. The situation is complicated because the person who had been upset is a sister-in-law, currently separated from my friend’s brother.

    So many conversations of late lead my heart back again and again to the great Buddhist prayer, “May all beings come to the end of suffering. May all beings find peace.”

    But peace is not found in a future filled with smooth sailing into the sunset. The end of suffering comes in not expecting life to be something other than what it is, and in knowing the truth that we are skilled enough to sit in the fire of our own or another person’s strong emotions.

    At Oakwood retreat in October, John Orr wrote the 5 Reflections on the flip chart in the dining room.

    When the phone call came through I was attending my online class with Aaron. I turned off my camera, took the call, feeling space for my friend, for myself, for all who are navigating rough emotional waters right now.

    I hung up and logged back on to catch the end of the class. While I did not catch the entire exchange, I heard enough to know that the question was about what to do when you might have done harm to another. “You can forgive yourself for whatever was said or done that may or may not have created harm. You can resolve not to repeat such words or actions in the future, and then fully forgiving yourself. And now look at others who have done similar to you and fully forgive them. It is finished.”

    I sent that brief clip to my friend, then left a voice message.

    After listening to the clip, I got a call back. We talked a bit more, and as we were hanging up, I shared the C.S. Lewis quote. I felt a small laugh from both of us.

    Peace would come.

    Peace does come.

    We have learned to make peace so conditional, but the peace that passes understanding is anything but conditional.

    In a previous post, “If and When,” I mentioned Rupert Spira’s book, The Art of Peace and Happiness. He has an entire chapter titled “Our Essential Being is Peace Itself.”

    Earlier tonight I had been suggesting another friend do some tapping (EFT) on the Universal Psychological Reversals to clear habit energies that are difficult.

    Universal Psychological Reversals

    I deeply and completely accept myself even with all my problems and
    limitations.

    I deeply and completely accept myself even if I want to keep this problem.

    I deeply and completely accept myself even if I will continue to have this
    problem.

    I deeply and completely accept myself even if I don’t deserve to get over this
    problem.

    I deeply and completely accept myself even if it isn’t safe for me to get over
    this problem.

    I deeply and completely accept myself even if I will not do what is necessary to
    get over this problem.

    I deeply and completely accept myself even if getting over this problem will
    not be good for me.

    I deeply and completely accept myself even if getting over this problem will
    not be good for others in my life.

    I deeply and completely accept myself even if I have a unique block to getting
    over my problem.

    I deeply and completely accept myself even if I have a fear about how my life
    will change if I get over this problem.

    “We all know that peaceful states of the mind, body and world do not last and do not deliver the depth of peace that we truly desire. Only the peace that is inherent in our true nature can put an end to the longing that initiates and sustains so many of our activities and relationships.” ~ Rupert Spira, The Art of Peace and Happiness

  • Coke!

    Sacred Stories

    They were on their way to an out-of-town major league baseball game. Their infant daughter was going to spend the night with a friend.

    For the first time maybe in her life, the previous day she was thinking that a Coke™ sounded good. (She had never liked pop!)

    She was feeling very sad about leaving her daughter, and went into the grocery store for drinks for the road.

    When she reached into the cooler her daughter’s name on the Coke™ bottle….

    These are sacred stories. Pay attention to happenings in your life. Do you have a story to share? Send email to debra@scs-matters.com.

  • Upekka

    You have heard it said to be careful what you pray for. This past Tuesday evening, as our Dharma “Path of Clear Light” class was coming to an end, I asked for specific instructions around the practice of Upekka. Upekka is the Buddhist practice of equanimity.

    John Orr’s clarification of the Upekka practice, “All beings are heirs to their own karma. A person’s happiness or unhappiness is not dependent upon me but on their own actions and choices,” resulted in Barbara Brodsky’s offering thanks for him reminding her to keep that in mind related to her husband, Hal.

    Nothing in the teachings John shared, or Barbara’s comments, totally prepared me for the next few days of interactions with friends and clients.

    People are navigating every one of the eight worldly conditions: loss and gain, good-repute and ill-repute, praise and censure, sorrow and happiness.

    To practice Upekka is to be unwavering or to stay neutral in the face of each of these.

    The “far enemy” of Upekka is greed and resentment, mind-states in obvious opposition. The “near enemy” (the quality which superficially resembles upekka but which subtly opposes it), is indifference or apathy.

    “Do you want me to just be present with you or would it be helpful for me to offer some sort of process?” breath barely audible on either end of the phone.

    Skating on thin ice.

    Having been reading Rupert Spira’s work on nondual awareness, I pretty quickly notice the subtle grasping, the habit energy of not wanting those I care about to suffer.

    “Many of our ideas and beliefs about ourselves and the world are so deeply ingrained that we are unaware that they are beliefs and take them, without question, for the absolute truth.” ~ Rupert Spira

    The ground beneath my feet is shifting.

    “The discovery that peace, happiness and love are ever-present within our own Being, and completely available at every moment of experience, under all conditions, is the most important discovery that anyone can make.” ~ Rupert Spira

    Timing is everything.

    Richard Bandler says the best way to help a poor person is to not be poor.

    I grab the Daily Recollection and finger my mala while reading the 53rd through the 55th beads:

    I remember the practice of sati (presence):
    To be present with the breath.
    To be present with the proper object as it presents itself.
    To be present with the proper attitude: Whatever arises, I will not fixate on it. I will let my mind be free and spacious, resting in pure awareness.

    “The greatest discovery in life is to discover that our essential nature does not share the limits nor the destiny of the body and mind.” ~ Rupert Spira

    I add to Upekka the practice of Metta (lovingkindness), Karuna (compassion), and Mudita (sympathetic joy).

    I remember the great prayer: May all beings be free from suffering. May all beings feel joy. May all beings realize their intrinsic perfection and find perfect peace.

  • From Grief to Serenity

    Sacred Stories

    On Thursday, she had to put down her beloved dog.

    Half-heartedly, on Friday she went to a conference previously committed to that she had missed the first day of.

    The first panel she attended was titled, “From Grief to Serenity”!

    On Joy and Sorrow
    Kahlil Gibran
    Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.
    And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.
    And how else can it be?
    The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.

    These are sacred stories. Pay attention to happenings in your life. Do you have a story to share? Send email to debra@scs-matters.com.

  • Dust!

    When I saw this image on someone’s Facebook page, I knew there was a blog coming….

    In the several decades I have been involved in what used to be called Alternative Medicine, but is now most often considered Functional Medicine, I would marvel at how people approached something new. One acupuncture treatment; does not work. One herbal remedy; does not work. One “you-name-it” and the mind shuts down like a steel trap deciding something does not work.

    My yoga instructor said a guy came to class once and said yoga does not work for him.

    People try meditation and say that.

    It all sounds a lot like dusting once and when the dust comes back deciding not to fall for dusting again.

    Dr. Lissa Rankin said when she was researching her book, Mind Over Medicine, she stumbled across the Spontaneous Remission Project, put together by the Institute of Noetic Sciences. They collected over 3,500 case studies published in medical literature about people who experienced spontaneous remissions from seemingly “incurable diseases.” (See 9 Key Factors Affecting Radical Remission from Cancer)

    Recently a client recommended Radical Remission: Surviving Cancer Against All Odds, by Kelly Turner, PhD. The book is a New York Times bestseller.

    So what were the 9 key factors that these patients with radical remissions employed?

  • Radically changing your diet.
  • Taking control of your health.
  • Following your intuition.
  • Using herbs and supplements.
  • Releasing suppressed emotions.
  • Increasing positive emotions.
  • Embracing social support.
  • Deepening your spiritual connection.
  • Having strong reasons for living.

    • My client has been able to identify the area/s she needs to strengthen and has made a commitment to doing that. My mind went automatically to how if these nine key factors can allow someone to return to health from a diagnosis of cancer, how much might our lives be enhanced by them.

    I will keep dusting. I hope you will too. Meanwhile, you may enjoy my most recent poem, “Catching my Reflection.”

    Catching my Reflection

    Blowing my nose with an expensive hand-painted silk scarf
    it is clear now my body can be used as a weapon against itself
    The cookies eaten as my lunch and
    the wine gulped down to dull the inner pain
    Razor blades I did not use for shaving that caused
    scars I wore as membership in a tragic club

    Feeding the pages of my journal into the shredder
    systematically three sheets at a time
    Decades of broken dreams and promises
    chewed into tiny bits
    Now lining the bottom of the bird cage
    finally good for something

    The doorbell rings “Some Enchanted Evening”
    perhaps a friend, a stranger, or some gift undelivered
    I feel no obligation to answer
    no fear that something wonderful could be missed
    Catching my reflection in the puddle
    lips turned up in a quiet smile

    Debra Basham 10-21-2018

  • XM Radio

    Sacred Stories

    She had had a song in her head but all she had was the melody so she could not Google any of the lyrics.

    While she was changing stations on XM radio, the song came on!

    “Only the Young” by Journey….

    Chorus
    Only the young can say
    They’re free to fly away
    Sharing the same desires
    Burnin’ like wildfire

    They’re seein’ through the promises
    And all the lies they dare to tell
    Is it heaven or hell?
    They know very well

    These are sacred stories. Pay attention to happenings in your life. Do you have a story to share? Send email to debra@scs-matters.com.

  • If and When

    “Happiness can be found,
    even in the darkest of times,
    if
    one only remembers to turn on the light.”
    ~ Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

    and

    “When
    we have accessed the peace that is ever present in our self under all circumstances,
    the body, mind, and world are profoundly affected,
    and, in time, become increasingly permeated by it.
    They begin to shine with the peace of our true nature.”
    ~ Rupert Spira, The Art of Peace and Happiness
    (Presence, Volume I)
    (Our True Nature; The Nature of Peace, Happiness and Love;
    The Origin of the Separate Self; The Body; The World; Experience)

    The afternoon did not unfold the way I had expected. I had been invited by a friend to attend a “Reader’s Theater” about 30 minutes away. I invited two mutual friends to join us. It was a lovely drive. Autumn colors dotted the woods on either side of the two-lane road, and we listened to the recording of a sermon given earlier that morning.

    One car sat forlornly in the parking lot when we arrived a mere 15 minutes before showtime. A phone call solved the mystery: the event we had come to attend had taken place the prior week!

    As so many people suffer profoundly, we find ourselves searching for the most appropriate way to be all that is happening in our political culture. For my part, I am reading Rupert Spira’s writings about nondual awareness. In an almost wordless way, it is clear our awareness is key.

    Although Spira does not use the phrase, “If and when,” that seems an appropriate title for this post. It is a phrase used to say something about an event that may or may not happen.

    Here are two books on nondual awareness by Rupert Spira:

    1. The Art of Peace and Happiness (Presence, Volume I)
    (Our True Nature; The Nature of Peace, Happiness and Love; The Origin of the Separate Self; The Body; The World; Experience}

    2. The Transparency of Things: Contemplating the Nature of Experience

    My friend recommended Spira to everyone who desires to experience liberation. She said to read the books in that order. Although they are both dated 2016, she thinks they may be reprinted from earlier material.

    Our thoughts go out to people who are feeling so very afraid. Fears loom around loss of freedom, the environment, racism, sexism. There is no denying the fear. Fear haunts our thoughts. Fear is felt in our bodies. Fear makes us experience the world as a web of hatred and dissonance humanity is caught in.

    But Spira makes a good point that our true self is not our thoughts, feelings, sensations, or perceptions. Rather, our true self is aware Presence. “Like someone whose fists have been clenched in defence for so long that they are no longer aware of it and thus feel perfectly relaxed, so our body and mind have been permeated by the tensions that are generated by the idea of a separate self.” (The Art of Peace and Happiness)

    How interesting that what we thought we were going to enjoy had already been enjoyed.

    If and when you read Spira, you will realize there is no separate self. Our “aware Presence” is inherently peaceful and, thankfully, this peace does not depend upon what may or may not happen.

    We are peace itself.

  • Fireworks!

    Sacred Stories

    They were at the 4th of July Fireworks, and she was sharing with a friend what was happening with her dad’s passing just a year ago.

    Suddenly, the display was first a heart, and then a smiley face.

    “Those were just for us!” she breathed.

    These are sacred stories. Pay attention to happenings in your life. Do you have a story to share? Send email to debra@scs-matters.com.