Debra Basham

Living and Loving

Tag: Debra Basham

  • That is Not Tit-for-Tat


    Some of my clearest insight and inspiration occurs when my mind is occupied with other things, for example, while riding my bike or putting together the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. This morning I was finishing up a puzzle which had been fairly challenging for my skills and processing a powerful scene we watched in the miniseries “From Scratch” that is now showing on Netflix. Many layers of depth expose themselves from a simple plot: an American student studying in Italy, meets and falls in love with a Sicilian chef. I am glad I did not realize it is based on a true story as I was watching last evening….

    The scene moved me to a tearful remembrance of an experience with a client years ago, the details of which are included in Falling Together in Love: Stories From My Heart. The story begins on page 53, under the heading “Working with Words: Conversations that Changed Lives.” It involves the birth mother in an open adoption having had second thoughts after holding the baby she had just given birth to.

    My role was in helping the adoptive mom to find a way of assuring the birth mother that she could take all the time she needed to be 100% confident that she wanted my client to raise the baby. Those specific words that changed lives resulted in the completion of the adoption.

    The part of their story that did not make the book was the birth mother’s also having tearfully said to the adoptive mom, “I wish you could adopt me, too.”

    A bit ago I was triggered by some interaction related to planning a Zoom event honoring a friend that recently passed. Our convoluted email exchange was certainly also working with words, but in this case the words were not working, but all conversations change lives.

    Doctors tell patients what they have been diagnosed with is going to kill them.

    Parents tell children they will never amount to anything.

    Earlier today as Linda and I were talking about tonight’s menu, it became clear that everything on the list for tonight are things I normally make for John and me, so I told Linda I could make dinner tonight. Her response was, “Are you sure that is OKAY?”

    Walking over to the desk where she was sitting, looking her in the eye, I spoke the truth clearly, “You know me well enough to know that I do not offer to do something I am not in alignment with doing. You know it is OKAY or I would not have offered.”

    The exchange results from the beautiful way our co-housing has evolved. Linda and Larry love to meal plan, and they love to cook. John and I love to eat, and I am a bit compulsive with cleaning. Ours is a match made in heaven.

    Now, it is going to be interesting to see if I still clean up the dinner dishes. I have already set the table and made the salad. The green beans are in the pan ready for steaming, and I have added baby carrots with tarragon onto the menu. None of this is about the tasks. It is, however, often about the roles. It is about how our genuine being-ness can get hijacked by our doing. Yes, it is the evolved order of things for them to cook and me to clean, but that does not mean if I cook tonight they have to clean tonight.

    Evolved mindful living is not about tit-for-tat. It is about giving and receiving. While many of us were taught that it is better to give than to receive, the profound truth is that receiving is as essential as is giving. It is vital to give and receive.

    This Daily Quote from Aaron today:

    You are used to thinking of dana as a payment that’s made. It’s not payment. This generosity within you is a strong force that inspires you—the heart opening in generosity, holding as the highest value an alleviation of the suffering of all sentient beings. That’s a profound form of generosity. Not putting yourself first, not caught in the small self, but asking of yourself that you look at the challenges that come forth and give that deep breath and thank-you. Be mindful of the habitual tendencies that say, “I can’t give this; I can’t give that. I must keep myself sheltered. Must I? Perhaps I can open this way…” This is generosity. This is love. Then you give this love to the others in your life. You cook food for those in your families, if that is what is asked of you today. You walk the dog. You sit and meditate because it’s a form of generosity to yourself. This is one of the spiritual qualities that truly help carry you and support you.

    So, today I will cook food for those in my family.

    I will do so knowing that I give that freely, regardless of who cleans up the kitchen!

    That is not tit-for-tat….

  • Monet Double-Sided Puzzle

    They were visiting with friends and family who all live in Michigan, while wintering in Florida. They had gotten together because their sister-in-law had come for a short visit — the first time of her being in the RV park where she and her husband had wintered together for many years.

    The conversation got around to doing jigsaw puzzles. She said, “A friend sent a Monet double-sided puzzle to us.”

    The puzzle had been sent as a gift following her husband’s heart surgery. The friend who sent it assumed he did puzzles with her because every puzzle was finished by him placing the last piece and posing for a photo.

    When he asked to be reminded which of there friends had sent the puzzle, she replied, “Sue Spitler.”

    “Sue Spitler?!?” their sister-in-law blurted out before continuing to share that Sue had made a donation to the church in memorial of her husband. Not recognizing the donor’s name, she had flagged the donation and when she came upon it again she had searched on line, found numbers for several people named “Sue Spitler” then called the one in Indiana, thinking perhaps it had been a customer of her husband. She felt such a strong desire to know from whom the gift had come.

    Speaking to Sue Spitler, their sister-in-law had discovered Sue was not a customer, and had not known her late husband at all. The donation had been made because Sue wanted to honor the brother of her dear friend.

    Interestingly, although that donation has been made 16 months earlier, their sister-in-law had come across the notation of the mystery donor and had done the internet search and made the call to identify “Sue Spitler” as the donor just three weeks ago …

      Death Is Nothing At All
      by Henry Scott-Holland

      Death is nothing at all.
      It does not count.
      I have only slipped away into the next room.
      Nothing has happened.

      Everything remains exactly as it was.
      I am I, and you are you,
      and the old life that we lived so fondly together is untouched, unchanged.
      Whatever we were to each other, that we are still.

      Call me by the old familiar name.
      Speak of me in the easy way which you always used.
      Put no difference into your tone.
      Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.

      Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes that we enjoyed together.
      Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
      Let my name be ever the household word that it always was.
      Let it be spoken without an effort, without the ghost of a shadow upon it.

      Life means all that it ever meant.
      It is the same as it ever was.
      There is absolute and unbroken continuity.
      What is this death but a negligible accident?

      Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?
      I am but waiting for you, for an interval,
      somewhere very near,
      just round the corner.

      All is well.
      Nothing is hurt; nothing is lost.
      One brief moment and all will be as it was before.
      How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting when we meet again!

  • Too Deep For Words

    When God Winks: How the Power of Coincidence Guides Your Life is the title of a book but it certainly can also become a way of life.

    An amazing response from a dear friend to my Happy Birthday Haiku blog post was an immediate offer to purchase a stove for the family still without one four months after Hurricane Ian ripped away the fabric of everyday life here in Southwest Florida.

    Words fall short to describe my heart’s joy at that kindness.

    Today when the generous benefactor’s teammate sent a text message related to her handling the purchase and making arrangements for delivery, I was again made aware of the magnificent magic of the fabric of this universe.

    This is close to my heart. My family has been vacationing on Sanibel Island for the last 47 years. My mom and I were actually supposed to be on Sanibel in our timeshare condo during the week that Hurricane Ian hit. Unfortunately, as you know, Sanibel was devastated and our condo community was destroyed. I thought many times of coming down and trying to assist an area that is so beloved to me. This is making me very happy that I’m able to help in a small way with getting this family a new oven. ❤️

    Claudia, beloved friend and wife of Wayne who transitioned in August, is coming to visit one of her grade-school friends. That friend recently bought a home here in Southwest Florida.

    John had a doctor’s appointment in Naples so we scheduled to have lunch with our friend, Pat, who has lived in Naples for many years. We try to get together while we are here for the season. After we made the lunch date with Pat, we got an earlier date for John’s appointment, and then we were bummed to discover Pat could not meet us on that day. The morning of his appointment, however, we were notified the doctor would be at the hospital all day and could not see John. His rescheduled rescheduled appointment now is during Claudia’s visit, so we plan to have lunch with Pat. Incidentally, we all met Pat through Wayne while she was living in Michigan….

    Also during Claudia’s visit with us, Wayne’s dear friend Bob, and Bob’s wife, Sarah, will be less than ten minutes from where we are staying, so we are planning a time we can all have dinner together….

    It certainly is a small world after all. I guess I am just short on words today. I am exceedingly grateful the Holy Spirit intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. Grateful when God winks.

  • Birds in Their Homes

    Each winter when this snow bird flies south she takes a huge box of jigsaw puzzles. Her husband always puts the last piece in and she takes a photo.

    Imagine her surprise and delight when she saw a post on Facebook showing that her god-daughter and family had just finished the same puzzle over 1,200 miles away back in Michigan!

    The comment on the photo in Facebook speaks volumes: “… one of our prettiest puzzles yet – and we didn’t lose any pieces! Our puzzle time is such a bonding time.”

    I guess humans are birds in their homes too!!!!

    Faith is the bird that feels the light and sings when the dawn is still dark. ~ Rabindranath Tagore

  • Philippine Pre-school

    They had both been born in the Philippines, but they met through a dating app in Los Angles, where they currently lived.

    Soon they discovered a powerful coincidence: They had attended the same preschool!

    The incidence might not seem like a big deal unless you know the Philippines consist of over 7,600 islands and over 2,000 of those are inhabited.

    Needless to say, they got happily married….

  • Already Is

    A friend wrote this week asking me, “So tell me your blog experience. How did you get into doing that? How many people follow you? Is it hard to get it up and going technically?”

    It took a bit of thinking time to respond, and, still, I had to start with the easiest aspects first. Here is my response to her:

      Not very many people follow me. In fact, most of the people who know me well and love me are among those who do not read my blog regularly. I have a few very loyal readers. I have come to the conclusion if it is true that ‘We read to know we are not alone,’ – the character of C.S. Lewis says this line in William Nicholson’s play, Shadowlands, I write to know that we are all one. I would write if no one would ever see what is written. If it means something to someone else, that is just a bonus.

      That said, I first set up a blog on Blogspot. It was super easy and you can read over 180 posts from December 24, 2011 to July 26, 2016 made on this platform. https://dbasham.blogspot.com/

      Then my blog was set up on Word Press by our webmaster. I “think” there is a way to know who follows you, but I have not paid attention to any of that, especially now that I am in the business of not maintaining a professional business. My grandson is working to dismantle the online persona of Debra Basham of SCS-Matters, the professional partnership I had for 20 years with Joel P. Bowman.

      The Word Press blog is called Yellow Brick Road. https://scs-matters.com/YellowBrickRoad/

      I do not allow comments. It is a full time job that I am not interested in: cleaning out spam, phishing, and obscene stuff. People who know me and are touched by something I write and share have legitimate ways of reaching out to me.

      It may be worth some insight about what you want to give (and/or receive) by creating a blog.

      Willing to muse about this more if something is helpful! Love, D

    As I was out for a bike ride yesterday I was musing about Aaron’s Daily Quote.

    How can a third density human co-create a fourth or fifth density Earth? You can plant seeds. But for it fully to happen you need to come into the fourth density, fifth density aspect of yourself. Imagine you are a fourth or fifth density being. How would that feel? What would it be like? There would be joy and sadness; those are experiences for fourth density also. But there would not be suffering, loneliness or separation. There would not be fear or hatred. What would it be like to be a fourth or fifth density being co-creating a fourth or fifth density Earth by sharing that energy and light that you are? ~ Aaron

    That sent me into the Deep Spring archives where I read a bit more about what Aaron calls densities. I think of them as stages of consciousness but not in a linear way, more like the mighty oak tree that is already within the acorn, or the butterfly that is already within the caterpillar.

    Simply put, Fourth Density is about learning compassion, and Fifth Density is about deepening wisdom. Think about these as already being within in that same way. Just as a bird needs two wings to fly, to be wholly wholesome compassion and wisdom must be used together. Unwholesome compassion commands us to sell all you have and give it to the poor without the wisdom (spoken by Richard Bandler) that understands clearly the best way to help the poor is to not be poor.

    Densities remind me of the chakras. The fourth chakra is the heart chakra. The fifth chakra is the throat chakra. The heart chakra is associated with unconditional love, compassion, and joy. It is the source of deep and profound truths that cannot be expressed in words. The throat chakra is about hearing and being heard, where you find your voice, where we speak our truth without blame or shame. From the Deep Spring archive: Fourth Density is beyond the dictates of the emotional body that would lead you to feel shame or pride.

    Awake VERY early this morning I was grateful to sit in the silence feeling the night sky. Now past dawn, the busyness of the day will likely soon push the stillness out of my awareness.

    Perhaps that fourth or fifth density earth already is in the same way the butterfly already is within the cocoon and the oak tree already is within the acorn.

    As Adyashanti said, “The more okay we are when we are not okay, the more okay we are.”

    ALL ready….

  • Everything is Possible

    “You do not need to know precisely what is happening, or exactly where it is all going. What you need is to recognize the possibilities and challenges offered by the present moment, and to embrace them with courage, faith and hope.” ~ Thomas Merton

    Last night after a rousing game of Hand and Foot, John announced that there was a LOT of water under the kitchen sink. Larry and I sprung into action. I got things mopped up and he was able to finger tighten the elbow joints on the drain that had come completely disconnected. We had a leak previously and insisted the homeowner get a repairman to tend to it. This morning I was writing in my journal:

    D: What would you have me know about this house?

    V: We know you are feeling that the owner has been rather dismissive and you are wondering about whether or not you want to come back here next season.

    D: Yes… these things cross my mind.

    V: If you did one of Linda’s spread sheets what might you notice?

    D: There are some pros and some cons, and a subtle contraction of not having a place or having something EVEN worse. A fear of loss.

    V: It is a heavy feeling in your sacral chakra, and a sinking feeling in your gut?

    D: Yes.

    V: And can you feel it in your friend who is awaiting results on Wednesday of a breast biopsy she had done on Monday?

    D: Yes.

    V: Can you feel it in your dear friend who is now on hospice care, or in his beloved wife?

    D: No. Not any more.

    V: That feeling is impermanent. That feeling is a part of a process.

    D: Yes.

    V: Read some of the poems your friend, Janice, shared with you on your birthday.

    OMG… I begin to read from A Hundred Falling Veils: There’s a Poem in Every Day, by Rosemerry Wahtola Trommer.


    from “Getting Out”
    January 9, 2023

    we are made of—
    more energy than matter,
    more nothing than something,
    more everything than we ever dreamed.

    from “Everything is Changed”
    January 11, 2023

    …everything is possible, sweetheart, everything.

    Moments later, I open to these words from Neale Donald Walsch for today and read …its not only possible, it is indeed the truth!

  • Happy Birthday Haiku

    “Our inner lives are every bit as astonishing,
    baffling, and mysterious
    as the infinite vastness of the cosmos.”
    ~ Adyashanti

    Adyashanti’s words speak volumes to me as I am in the pondering process related to culling everything SCS-Matters in preparation for a new DebraBasham.com website. What to keep, what to save. What to repackage or repurpose. What to give away, what to sell; what to forget and what to savor. Timely for my birthday today.

    I wake up this morning having turned 73. While some dread aging, I experience each day of aging as grace. It seems having had birth trauma, and medical trauma at age 5, and a near-death experience at age 12 prepared me for LIFE.

    Again today a mocking bird was sitting on the fence directly outside of the kitchen window of the house we are sharing with Linda and Larry this winter. The title of To Kill a Mockingbird has very little literal connection to the plot, but it carries a great deal of symbolic weight in the book. In this story of innocents destroyed by evil, the “mockingbird” comes to represent the idea of innocence. Some of the key characteristics and attributes of Mockingbird Animal Spirit include inventiveness, keen-mindedness, happiness, playfulness, protection, thankfulness, security, and, most of all, communication.

    For sure, the Imagine Healing process is something I want to have available to the world. It is such gift to see in every surgery or injury or experience myriad opportunities. Why just go through whatever it is on the surface level. Let that bruise be an evidence procedure of healing of memories, beliefs, behaviors, or attitudes that lessen the amazement of living. Every moment of every day we are meeting life on infinite levels and awareness provides a HUGE happening from the most mundane. I don’t even just brush my teeth!!!

    When Joel Bowman and I were actively training folks in the Imagine Healing process we always did mock surgery as a role-play and students experienced an ectomy (removal of something they and others in the world would be better off without) and implant (something beneficial they and others in the world had not been able to have previously). Imagine a fear ectomy and a joy implant….

    January 22 is a birthday I share with my friend Wayne Kaiser. This is the first year since we have been friends that I am in body and Wayne is in spirit. I do not think of Wayne as dead. In fact, I cannot comprehend death as different from birth, and this week I listened to an amazing account of Rabbi Stephen Robbins (who has had 8 near-death-experiences!!!) and, as my birthday ritual, will share some of his beautiful comments about life.

    “Every soul is formed to do one of three things. One is to take something out of the world which no longer belongs — either a treatment or a system of genetics which don’t belong in the world anymore or a spiritual quality that can be stopped. The other is to bring something new into the world of knowledge or experience — an insight that has not been there before. And the third is to synergize both of them so that what comes in is the sense of what it means to live a life for service and for purpose rather than for our own gain.”

    “So that in our leaving this world and realizing there is no death, we change the genetic out-pour that will stop the repetition of the destructiveness like drug addiction, child abuse, violent acquisition — and at the same time will add a sense of insight and understanding which will lead beyond living with a sense of the limitation in this life.” (Rabbi Stephen Robbins 8 Near Death Experiences)

    If in our daily life we can smile, if we can be peaceful and happy, not only we, but everyone will profit from it. This is the most basic kind of peace work. ~ Thich Nhat Hanh

    Yesterday Linda and I spent our day busy in the kitchen. She roasted a turkey and we have made a dinner for friends out on Pine Island that are living in (while doing rehab) after Hurricane Ian filled their manufactured home with four feet of floodwater. Four months later they do not yet have a stove. Mind you, theirs is a three-generational family including their adult daughter and their 4-year old grandson. Today we will deliver turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy, carrots, two-corn casserole, and brownies. These can be warmed in the microwave oven they do have. I told Linda that this is my best birthday dinner ever.

    After the delivery, we will attend a matinee of “The Sound of Music” at the Cultural Park Theater in Cape Coral, before meeting Nancy Green for dinner at Miceli’s in Matlacha. In 2013 John and I went there for my birthday dinner and discovered they give you a free entree plus desert ON YOUR BIRTHDAY. We have gone back every year since. It is bittersweet to go this year after soooo much of what was familiar and special about our beloved Florida community was damaged, devastated, or destroyed.

    Even in the midst of loss there is gift….

      A Happy Birthday Haiku

      I am young no more
      Neither am I old
      I am timeless like the wind

      I do change a lot
      No longer the same
      I’m here and there however

      Here and there am I
      Not one single place
      Ever moving, always free

    Happy Birthday, Wayne Kaiser. Happy Birthday, Debra Basham.

    And many happy returns.

    He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart. – Ecclesiastes 3:11

    Don’t Go Back to Sleep
    by Rumi

    The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you.
    Don’t go back to sleep.

    You must ask for what you really want.
    Don’t go back to sleep.

    People are going back and forth
    across the doorsill
    where the two worlds touch.

    The door is round and open.
    Don’t go back to sleep.

  • I Can See Clearly Now

    I almost remember where my fingers fit on this keyboard…. I was logged on to my laptop last at Stacey’s in Tennessee on Saturday, December 17, 2022. The last time was last year! I could not get it to boot up at all once we arrived here in Florida. For the rest of the story about this, see the link at the end of this post.

    John and I drove to Florida on Sunday, December 18 and spent a couple of nights with John’s brother, Jack, in Largo (near Tampa). On Tuesday morning, December 20, we arrived at our rental in Port Charlotte. Many of you have already heard that the house needed a LOT of detailing for me to get comfortable here. It was a VERY busy few days before Linda and Larry arrived late Friday afternoon.

    Steven Covey spoke of effective life management as our putting in the big rocks first, then the small rocks, then the pebbles, then the sand. That way our life has room for EVERYTHING. As I was beginning this Yellow Brick Road post, I came across a thoughtful post about a flaw in that lesson. (Steven Covey’s Big Rocks First Strategy is Wrong; November 15, 2017 | Renée Fishman) Her essential message is what you leave out is space: space to breathe, space to relax, space to be.

    For example, the big rocks of deep cleaning the kitchen had to be done before I was comfortable to cook and eat what was cooked! I am sooooo grateful John and I share a regular yoga practice and for my multiple “commitments” to meditation and mindfulness; and glad to have eased back into that regular practice now that the cleaning is done.

    I have no way of knowing how much of the cleaning that was needed to be done was hurricane related. Obviously not all of it was, but some likely was. The windows were VERY dirty, including overspray from a probable recent painting, plus obvious hurricane contribution of vegetation and shards of plastic and glass jammed in the sills. Having lived with Johnny on the Spot Window Cleaning Service for decades, the condition of the windows was a big deal to both John and me. These would have been called “a full-scrape, inside and out” plus the windows are French style. LOTS of corners to clean. VERY labor intensive.

    As I spent MANY hours cleaning these windows, I found myself slipping into subtle judgment of the condition of the house. It is quite an expensive rental (thus the need for our two households to combine for this season). I could send you photos of the condition of the kitchen, but that seems unkind. I am sharing only because the lessons learned here are significant for us all.

    Noticing my mind whirring about the unacceptability of the lack of cleanliness, the voice inside my head says, “Cleaning up your own messes does not clear karma.”

    The voice went on, “And cleaning up messes that you did not make does not clear karma if you are doing it with resentment or frustration in your heart.”

    And finally, “In fact, the resentment or frustration in your heart is generating negative karma for you….”

    Wow.

    And then came the greatest insight.

    “You chose to come to this area, and you brought your window cleaning supplies, because you wanted to be of service to those who were impacted by the hurricane. This is your first person to serve….”

    I was inside the house cleaning the dining room windows when the guy came to mow the lawn. He looked at me quite oddly and I said, “I know it is a bit unusual to see someone cleaning windows in a rental.”

    He quickly responded, “I thought to myself that you must be related to Chris.”

    Chris is the homeowner.

    My heart was so opened by this comment. I could feel his effort to care for this home. The linens are good grade. The dishes are nicely appointed. There was obvious care in the choosing. I had appreciation for the home being made available flood in. I knew the concern and the expense and myriad other emotions around owning a home you plan to live in when you retire and needing to generate rental income to make all of that happen. The vulnerability of having someone in your home, using your stuff, doing God-knows-what settled in.

    I am grateful Linda and Larry did not arrive until after the biggest rocks of detailing “our” home-away-from-home were done, but I am also grateful they were here to see the before-and-after of the window cleaning.

    Windows - before.

    Windows - after!

    Window cleaning that has definitely let way more light in — far beyond the physical!

    P.S. You can see the rest of the story about my computer repair and why the last time I posted a Yellow Brick Road was last year in the Sacred Story: Tarpon Technology Solutions.

  • Booking Error Looking Like a Blessing

    When they arrived at their destination in Hawaii, there was an error in their booking dates (December 22 and 24).

    Then as they were preparing to fly back to Canada, all the flights were cancelled….

    “If you are unable to get out, just come back, you can stay here. I will leave a key for you,” they were told.

    They enjoyed two extra days in the sun and warm.

    That “booking error” was looking like a blessing!