Debra Basham

Living and Loving

Tag: Daily Recollection

  • Abandon the Unwholesome

    I sincerely hope there is not a limit on the frequency of blog posts, as my process is being jarred profoundly by EVERYTHING.

    This morning I saw Facebook photos of Stacey (my daughter) and her friend on the pontoon boat on Sunday. Beautiful smiling faces, cheek-to-cheek, looking into the camera: I instantly became aware of the contractions. I am currently writing my July Beyond Mastery Newsletter article for July on the theme of maskers and nonmaskers, placed alongside the story of the Sneetches, by Dr. Seuss.

    Further amplifying my inner uneasiness was the reading this morning of poems by two of my Florida poet/friends: “A Disheartened Heart” by Gail Berreitter, and “Second Sight” by Helen Fox. Please understand, these poems are both excellent writings, but they hit too deeply at the core. Slipping in beside the dystopian sentiment expressed in the poems was my confusingly constant companion question about Stacey: How does she arrive at the conclusion that it is OK to expose folks?

    Underneath that question is the pain: Less and less do I feel it possible to be with her.

    More and more I hold sadness around all of that.

    My friend, Jane Foster, so high risk, speaking of meeting for lunch sooner rather than later. (Our “bat cave” favorite restaurant was opening yesterday.)

    I write all of this in my journal, then ask my inner being, “Where is the core of fear I feel?”

    V: Are you sure it is fear? Are you afraid to die? Are you afraid to be dead? If it were not fear, what might it be?

    D: It is a deep sense of sadness. Like the core loneliness of having felt misunderstood much of my life.

    V: We know you just bumped into your mother’s social phobia. The world cannot get small enough for you to live without risk. To live a human life is the risk! But, what is at risk? Only a false identity is at risk. Who would you be without that false identity?

    D: Free?

    V: Free from what? Free for what?

    (Note – at this point, I felt guided to turn to the Mala Recitation / Daily Recollection Barbara Brodsky put together, and I am drawn to these beads:

    Bead 56: For one who clings, motion exists; but for one who clings not, there is no motion.
    Bead 63: Whatever has the nature to arise has the nature to cease and is not me nor mine.
    Bead 64: When wholesome thoughts arise, cultivate the wholesome. When unwholesome thoughts arise, abandon the unwholesome.
    Bead 65: This is the way to purify the mind and remove the clouds that obscure the vision of ultimate reality.
    Bead 70: All dhammas are empty.
    Bead 71: They are not born nor annihilated.

    The closing two lines from Gail’s poem:
    No melody or thought
    for a disheartened heart.

    The closing two lines from Helen’s poem:
    “What have we learned from this crisis?”

    There were no definitive answers

    Out riding my bike earlier, I would notice the repetitive fearful thoughts and just keep repeating Bead 64: When wholesome thoughts arise, cultivate the wholesome. When unwholesome thoughts arise, abandon the unwholesome.

  • Packing, Deep Cleaning, and Blessing

    The one who says nothing good came of this is not yet listening.
    ~ Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estés

    Preparations for our safe travels back to Michigan from our Pine Island Paradise are underway here—packing, deep cleaning, blessing…. this season is like none other. For the first time EVER, we will not visit with our PEEPS in Tennessee. That is emotionally hard.

    Below are excerpts of and hot links to some past blog entries. These come from my heart to your heart to be blended seamlessly with your current needs, spiritual or religious beliefs, and familiar support practices.

    Like panning for gold, make your own everything that is of value to you and simply release the rest. We don’t have time or energy to waste on what does not work.

    Inter-Are

    When we release some of the self-identity and separation, we come to feel our interconnection with everything. The tree dances with the wind not because the wind forces the tree but because the wind and tree literally inter-are. They share the same core of being. The wind is the tree; the tree is the wind. And so they dance together. You can dance with life in the same way. ~ Aaron

    Barbara Brodsky’s summation was simply, “When our practice comes from that place of interconnection, we are attending with skillful support.”

    At the relative level we appear to be separate, but at the ultimate level, there is no separate self. You can understand that no wave is separate from the ocean. The wind and the tree and you and I dance with life. We inter-are….

    Upekka

    People are navigating every one of the eight worldly conditions: loss and gain, good-repute and ill-repute, praise and censure, sorrow and happiness. To practice Upekka is to be unwavering or to stay neutral in the face of each of these.


    Keep Hope Alive

    From my journal 12-14-19:
    Releasing Negative Charge

    Today takes on a charge. Each day does this.

    The idea of lovingkindness being an active “taking in” of the day and allowing the charge to be released is relevant to all now.

    You were dreaming about the environment when you woke up this morning. You saw your friend’s email about the beach in Michigan being eroded. Some would just point fingers and blame. This only amplifies the negative charge.

    As you bring loving awareness to the situation — not denial, not ignorance, not sticking your head in the sand — you are allowing the transmutation, which is natural, to work for the benefit of all.

    You can mine support in everything. Here is an entry from Barbara Brodsky’s Daily Recollection, which can be used with or without a 108-bead mala.

    I remember the ten perfections and will practice them well:
    43rd bead: Generosity
    44th bead: Morality
    45th bead: Energy
    46th bead: Wisdom
    47th bead: Renunciation
    48th bead: Lovingkindness
    49th bead: Truthfulness
    50th bead: Resolution (clarity)
    51st bead: Equanimity
    52nd bead: Patience

    Here is the link to the Chant Book:FREE CHANT BOOK

    The next time we are face-to-face will be the deepest of joys never again to be taken for granted….

  • Use Your Bird Brain

    I was writing in my journal how it seems otherworldly that we don’t plan to be back here in our Michigan home until April 6. As I write the question,”What would you have me know?” I hear in my head:

    V: Wherever you are is home. Notice how the selfing tells you this is home, this is not home. You are welcome to appreciate the creature comfort’s – just be in the experience rather than telling yourself stories.

    Can you see a bird that is migrating having a sense of “leaving home”?

    The bird is following an inner call. The bird goes. The bird eats, roosts, and sings wherever it is.

    Use your bird brain….

    Every day we are being invited to experience an expanded awareness. At a certain level of development, when asked what makes wind a child will say that the branches waving makes the wind. As our thinking expands, we understand warm and cold and upper level currents and wind.

    Many of us grew up without an understanding of “karma.” We may have even thought of karma as something only Buddhists experience. We may have perceived ourselves as immune from karma because we did not perceive it, like the child did not perceive the wind currents.

    Today’s quotation from Aaron says “Karma attaches to the emotional and mental bodies and it moves with you from lifetime to lifetime. Whatever insights you have as you move through the lifetime and the transition at the end of this lifetime, you do not lose them. Whatever you deeply understand stays with you. Whatever negative habit energies you have that are not released, they also stay with you. You do not lose anything, not the wholesome, not the unwholesome.”

    If you have not yet embraced an understanding of moving from lifetime to lifetime, simply think of this as moving from childhood to adulthood. As you move though your life whatever insights you have go with you. Likewise any negative habit energies you have that are not released stay with you.

    Worry, insecurity, impatience, desire for control…. these unwholesome habit energies are your karma.

    Joy, patience, kindness, enthusiasm, surrender…. these wholesome energies are also your karma.

    One of my favorite practices around all of this is the Daily Recollection. (See my November 2012 post Beads!)

    Marker bead: Namo Prajna, Paramita Hridaya. Homage to the wisdom mind.
    63rd Bead: Whatever has the nature to arise has the nature to cease and is not me nor mine.
    64th bead: When wholesome thoughts arise, cultivate the wholesome. When unwholesome thoughts arise, abandon the unwholesome.
    65th bead: Tend the contents of the mind with compassion, as a mindful gardener tends his garden.
    66th bead: This is the way to purify the mind and remove the clouds that obscure the vision of ultimate reality.

    Intention bead: In this way will I train myself.

    P.S. Send me an email or text message if you would like to receive and use the handout of Barbara Brodsky’s Daily Recollection.

  • Upekka

    You have heard it said to be careful what you pray for. This past Tuesday evening, as our Dharma “Path of Clear Light” class was coming to an end, I asked for specific instructions around the practice of Upekka. Upekka is the Buddhist practice of equanimity.

    John Orr’s clarification of the Upekka practice, “All beings are heirs to their own karma. A person’s happiness or unhappiness is not dependent upon me but on their own actions and choices,” resulted in Barbara Brodsky’s offering thanks for him reminding her to keep that in mind related to her husband, Hal.

    Nothing in the teachings John shared, or Barbara’s comments, totally prepared me for the next few days of interactions with friends and clients.

    People are navigating every one of the eight worldly conditions: loss and gain, good-repute and ill-repute, praise and censure, sorrow and happiness.

    To practice Upekka is to be unwavering or to stay neutral in the face of each of these.

    The “far enemy” of Upekka is greed and resentment, mind-states in obvious opposition. The “near enemy” (the quality which superficially resembles upekka but which subtly opposes it), is indifference or apathy.

    “Do you want me to just be present with you or would it be helpful for me to offer some sort of process?” breath barely audible on either end of the phone.

    Skating on thin ice.

    Having been reading Rupert Spira’s work on nondual awareness, I pretty quickly notice the subtle grasping, the habit energy of not wanting those I care about to suffer.

    “Many of our ideas and beliefs about ourselves and the world are so deeply ingrained that we are unaware that they are beliefs and take them, without question, for the absolute truth.” ~ Rupert Spira

    The ground beneath my feet is shifting.

    “The discovery that peace, happiness and love are ever-present within our own Being, and completely available at every moment of experience, under all conditions, is the most important discovery that anyone can make.” ~ Rupert Spira

    Timing is everything.

    Richard Bandler says the best way to help a poor person is to not be poor.

    I grab the Daily Recollection and finger my mala while reading the 53rd through the 55th beads:

    I remember the practice of sati (presence):
    To be present with the breath.
    To be present with the proper object as it presents itself.
    To be present with the proper attitude: Whatever arises, I will not fixate on it. I will let my mind be free and spacious, resting in pure awareness.

    “The greatest discovery in life is to discover that our essential nature does not share the limits nor the destiny of the body and mind.” ~ Rupert Spira

    I add to Upekka the practice of Metta (lovingkindness), Karuna (compassion), and Mudita (sympathetic joy).

    I remember the great prayer: May all beings be free from suffering. May all beings feel joy. May all beings realize their intrinsic perfection and find perfect peace.

  • Calamity and Collapse


    Grapevine Daily Quote
    May 30
    “Truly transforming spiritual experiences are nearly always founded on calamity and collapse.”
    AA Co-Founder, Bill W., August 1957, “The Physicians”, The Language of the Heart

    August of 2017 was a month of ginormous change. We were settling into our new tiny home. My brother-in-law, Jim, passed peacefully early in the morning on Wednesday, August 16. My nephew, David, was released from prison and began what was to be one year of parole. Over the months, I have mentioned him in previous blog posts. The story of his being accepted at the men’s mission in Holland (Google Maps and 70×7); helping him get his commercial driver’s license back (A Wonderful Week); calling on kitty therapy to breathe through a crisis (Pure Positive Energy); confessions of dealing with fearful patterns (The Voice of Assurance); and his being incarcerated again (Depression: The Secret We Share).

    Through each of these posts, my fingers on the keyboard brought clarity, peace, and sanity in times of calamity and collapse. Today, again, I write.

    Last week David got out of Jail, and his mom picked him up and brought him to St. Joseph to get his truck. His job was going to keep him, and the place where he was staying was going to let him come back. Within 24 hours he cut himself out of the tether, and went on a binge again. Two days later he called his mom, asking for $200 or the dealers were going to “bash his head in.” She told him she didn’t have the money, and for him to try to get away. He ended up having my brother-in-law come and get him and he turned himself in again. His parole agent said David is in a very dark place and has asked to be sent back to prison saying parole is too hard.

    These posts are about my process, as much as they are about David. I share his pain, his disappointment, his discouragement, his despair.

    I am reminded of a funeral I went to decades ago. I do not even remember now who the woman was but I remember she had committed suicide. The pastor talked about the way we tend to view the whole by looking at a single part. He lifted up how hard she had fought the depression, how many moments of success she had experienced, how much she loved life and her family. He reminded us to remember those moments too, not just this moment of her death.

    Part of my therapy this week was watching Momma Mia! (again). Feeling my chest tighten, witnessing the lump in my throat, and welcoming tears as Meryl Streep and Amanda Seyfried sing “Slipping Through My Fingers” , I knew I was also watching for David. Here are the lyrics, but if you can, please, click on the link to watch the clip. Streep is brilliant. Seeing this clip is moving because it holds such truth for our human condition.

    Schoolbag in hand, she leaves home in the early morning
    Waving goodbye with an absent-minded smile
    I watch her go with a surge of that well-known sadness
    And I have to sit down for a while
    The feeling that I’m losing her forever
    And without really entering her world
    I’m glad whenever I can share her laughter
    That funny little girl
    Slipping through my fingers all the time
    I try to capture every minute
    The feeling in it
    Slipping through my fingers all the time
    Do I really see what’s in her mind
    Each time I think I’m close to knowing
    She keeps on growing
    Slipping through my fingers all the time
    Sleep in our eyes, her and me at the breakfast table
    Barely awake, I let precious time go by
    Then when she’s gone there’s that odd melancholy feeling
    And a sense of guilt I can’t deny
    What happened to the wonderful adventures
    The places I had planned for us to go
    (Slipping through my fingers all the time)
    Well, some of that we did but most we didn’t
    And why I just don’t know
    Slipping through my fingers all the time
    I try to capture every minute
    The feeling in it
    Slipping through my fingers all the time
    Do I really see what’s in her mind
    Each time I think I’m close to knowing
    She keeps on growing
    Slipping through my fingers all the time
    Sometimes I wish that I could freeze the picture
    And save it from the funny tricks of time
    Slipping through my fingers…
    Slipping through my fingers all the time
    Schoolbag in hand she leaves home in the early morning
    Waving goodbye with an absent-minded smile..
    Songwriters: Benny Andersson / Bjoern K Ulvaeus / Bjorn Ulvaeus
    Slipping Through My Fingers lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Universal Music Publishing Group

    This morning I hold my mala beads as I let the illusion wash away:

    Marker bead: Namo Prajna, Paramita Hridaya. Homage to the wisdom mind.

    63rd Bead: Whatever has the nature to arise has the nature to cease and is not me nor mine.
    64th bead: When wholesome thoughts arise, cultivate the wholesome.
    When unwholesome thoughts arise, abandon the unwholesome.
    65th bead: Tend the contents of the mind with compassion, as a mindful gardener tends his garden.
    66th bead: This is the way to purify the mind and
    remove the clouds that obscure the vision of ultimate reality.

    Intention bead: In this way will I train myself.

    David is not his actions, skillful or unskillful. He is not his thoughts, wholesome or unwholesome. He is not his emotions, pleasant or painful. Nor are you and neither am I. May all beings come to the end of suffering.

    P.S. Let me know if you would like a copy of the 108 Bead “Daily Recollection” version by Barbara Brodsky of Deep Spring Meditation Center.

  • 108 Beads

    She had gone into the bead shop to purchase beads for a prayer necklace. There are 108 daily recollections, along with section beads, and intention beads, and marker beads. She wanted to stay within her budget, so she and the shop owner both had their eye on the prices, but it was vital that the beads not only looked right, she wanted to be able to feel where she was when she was praying.

    The marker beads needed to feel distinctive from intention beads, and the daily recollection beads needed to be unique from the section beads. They finally determined the round beads would best serve for the 108 daily recollection beads. There were four strings of that type of bead, but how many single beads were on each, and were there enough?

    Most strings in the shop had 25 beads on them….

    The shop owner picked up one string and began to count, then announced, “Twenty seven.”

    She counted the second string and said, “Twenty seven.”

    She grabbed a calculator, hit some buttons, and whispered, “Four times 27 is 108.”

    They each picked up a strand and counted.

    “Twenty seven,” they said together.

    Sometimes we notice that everything has been laid out for us!