She took her normal back roads to the facility where her husband had been in the memory care unit for over five years. Her mind often drifted backwards and forwards, leaving her searching for this moment.
This stretch of road was hugged tightly by the forest and her autumn drive was abruptly entered by a big buck who just barely missed hitting her.
Just as abruptly, her awareness was fully entered by the depth of Canadian jazz pianist and singer, Diana Krall, singing “Maybe You’ll be There:”
Someday if all my prayers are answered
I’ll hear a footstep on the stair
With anxious heart, I’ll hurry to the door
And maybe you’ll be there
For, although it is true that fear and despair can overwhelm us,
hope cannot be purchased with the refusal to feel.
~Susan Griffin
“This time tomorrow” drifts through my head like lyrics to a song I am singing but have never heard. An internet search brought a song by that name by The Kinks.
This time tomorrow, where will we be?
On a spaceship somewhere sailing across an empty sea?
This time tomorrow, where will we be?
This time tomorrow, what will we see?
This time tomorrow
It is not easy to organize, pack, load, drive, drive, drive, unload, unpack.
It is a lot…
It is a lot like life.
John has been down with sciatica pain. He has not been able to get the leaves up. He has not been able to bike or walk. He has been quite uncomfortable…. I know readers understand. The greatest discomfort has been standing still. So grateful he has been able to sit comfortably and he can drive.
My OCD (obsessive compulsive Debra) leanings have served me well. Other than our toiletries and clothes for the week in Tennessee with Stacey and the kids, and freezer and fridge stuff, and John’s guitar, I have most everything loaded into the van already. Bikes will get loaded on the rack this afternoon. Larry Gunter will help me load the coolers tonight or tomorrow if I need him to.
Two months ago yesterday, was John’s brother’s birthday.
Interestingly, the previous sciatica flare John experienced was related to the passing of his brother, Jim….
I continue to be affected profoundly by meeting folks from IANDS. This is the group for those who have had near death or other spiritually transformative experiences. The International Association for Near-Death Studies associated with the academic field founded in 1981.
Someone said if you are afraid of death, hang around people who can literally say, “Been there, done that.”
The opening quote from “Today’s Gift” is: Trust one who has gone through it.
We have all gone through it. We have lived through the “year of firsts.”
My next post might be after Thanksgiving so I will close with this link to an article about how often feathers, butterflies, rainbows, and electronics are just a few of the 11 Signs a Deceased Loved One is Visiting.
His brother had recently passed. Their relationship was very close. When their father had a stroke nearly forty years earlier, this brother became the patriarch of the family. Plus, they wintered close by and spent a couple of days a week together. They shared a very special bond.
His brother had built him a front porch.
His brother orchestrated putting new windows in the home of their sister-in-law following the passing of their brother who was between them in age.
His brother had been with him when he lost consciousness and was rushed to the hospital.
The feeling of loss was palpable.
Coming into the great room that morning, he told his wife about a dream he had. In the dream his brother was off to the left in a spotlight dancing. When the light would go out, his brother would freeze. The light would come back on and the dancing would begin again.
As they explored some of the obvious aspects of the dream (including how our deceased loved ones are “animated” by our loving thoughts) his wife mused, “It must be very frustrating and agitating. It is like you are invisible. Your family and friends don’t see you or hear you because they believe you are gone…”
She caught herself mid-sentence before continuing, “Well, they are probably not actually frustrated or agitated, but for sure our loved ones appreciate and are animated when we acknowledge their continued presence with us.”
As these words came out of her mouth the Alexa device turned itself on playing “On Eagles Wings” by Steve Hall.
And He will raise you up on eagles’ wings
Bear you on the breath of dawn
Make you to shine like the sun
And hold you in the palm of His hand
When my dad passed, a little Monarch butterfly got into the memorial section of the cemetery, and he was fluttering around. So, I just thought, “Oh, that’s my dad saying, ‘I’m okay. I’ve got an eye on everybody.”
So, in my mind, if I see a butterfly — especially a Monarch — I always think that is just my dad coming to say hello.
The funny thing was, I had never shared that with my husband until one day we were golfing and a Monarch was following us for nine holes. And we had a golf cart and could go fast!
I told my husband, “This Monarch is staying with us. I think it’s my dad just hovering around saying hi.”
The butterfly flew over to my husband, who said, “Hi, Bob!” My dad’s name was Robert.
We stopped into the clubhouse at the turn to get a snack and something to drink. I had the thought, “This will be the real story now if we go back out. Will he be waiting for us?”
No butterfly.
I hit this really great shot. My ball is on the green. THE BUTTERFLY IS ON MY BALL.
“Alexa, how much time is left on the timer?” his wife asked from the kitchen.
“Seventeen minutes,” Alexa answered, as he (just a few step away) was reading those exact words!
“We are today beginning to see work by very reputable scientists that says the universe is created by our observations. It is not a coincidence; we are actively involved in physically shaping the world that we experience.” ~ Bruce H. Lipton
His grandmother had been very religious. She never missed an opportunity to share her faith with others. She had passed several years previously, but today she popped into his mind.
He was watering flowers in his father-in-law’s yard.
His father-in-law was dying.
As soon as the thought of his grandmother came to mind, he heard one of her favorite hymns:
Not a particularly religious person, as he prepared to go out for a much-needed bicycle ride, his father-in-law and 1 Corinthians 9:24-25 was on his mind.
24 Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize.
25 Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever.
Today was his father-in-law’s 79th birthday.
Today’s ride would be for him!
It had been two weeks and one day since his father-in-law suffered an abdominal aortic aneurysm, and his condition remained very tenuous…. The pandemic prevented visits.
So he rode hard.
And the pent up emotions and painful unknowing gave way as the last song streamed into his earphones: Knock-knock-knockin’ on heaven’s door.
His father-in-law passed peacefully a few days later. R.I.P.
Her husband went into the laundry room to get some batteries for his earphones. She heard some grumbling sounds and asked what was going on.
“Oh, this shelf fell down,” he said.
She went in to see if she could help. He had gotten the shelf put back up.
As she looked, however, a dowel pin that was holding up the second from the top shelf was laying on the shelf below the one that had fallen. Now, get this picture. These pins go in so tightly, you need a pair of pliers to pull them out. What are the odds that two pins, on two different shelves, would suddenly fall out?
Right….
When they had the second (and more extensive) mold remediation work done in their tiny house, the cabinets in the laundry room were torn out with the wall. Only the uppers had survived. She had made a detailed drawing and asked her brother-in-law to build a new cabinet. But Covid hit and they all went into lock down.
She knew this was her brother-in-law’s way of communicating to them in spirit!
It was perfect.
What better to get their attention than what he likely considered to be an unfinished project!
At the end of the day, as she went from the living room through the kitchen to her bedroom, she saw a dime on the floor! A dime always made her think of her dad. People often think of dimes or pennies as being messages from heaven.
One more step, and there was a second dime!
Aw… both her dad and her mom were there wishing her a happy birthday!
They attended an amazing celebration of life for one of his school friends.
The woman had died of cancer in February 2020 while hospital visits were curtailed by Covid and her wishes were that her family celebrate with a fish fry when possible.
She must have been a truly lovely woman, inside and out. There were over 60 attending and this was the second celebration!
Her family gave beautiful tributes to her and her daughter concluded with this story:
“As Mom was preparing to leave, I begged her to come and be with me from the other side. We agreed she would come as a white butterfly so I would know for sure. For a long time I watched for her and prayed for her to comfort me, but no butterfly. Then last month I spotted one in my kitchen. I asked it to let me know for sure it was her. It came and fluttered up and down one arm and then the other. Then she came close to my face and just fluttered there! She flew to a bouquet I had on the table and I ran to get my phone for a picture but she was gone when I returned. I know she’s with me now”.
