Thought for Today
If you live in the moment with fear,
‘What if this doesn’t work? What if that happens?’,
your fear contracts your energy field.
When thusly contracted, the light can’t pour out of you.
Equally important, you are armored and the radiance of the outside world cannot pour in.
~ Aaron
From my journal this morning:
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Dear Holy Spirit,
I went to bed early. John stayed up later and when he came to bed I got awake and was restless. Knowing we both need rest, I went in to the guest bedroom.
I did an internet search of coughing after bypass surgery. Some said it could last weeks and that it is very much a beneficial part of the healing and recovery.
I listened to the tapping audio by Dawson Church and fell asleep.
I looked at my watch the first time at 1:13 and saw that the date was January 13. That silly coincidence of it being 1:13 on 1/13 captured my attention.
Earlier in the evening John had dozed off in the recliner in the TV room. He was so still…. I spoke his name softly. He did not respond. I called his name a bit more loudly. Nothing!
So, I rubbed his leg, saying his name gently until he woke up. I said, “Sorry to wake you up. I was nervous.”
A few days ago he moaned in the bathroom and scared me. A yawn, a moan, a grown…. a grunt…. a sigh, even silence all carries with it a dab of dread. He seems to understand how care and concern has blown itself into a sort of hyper-vigilance.
How long might this rob me of the full joy and relief of these moments we are blessed with?
None of us are promised anything more.
Is this enough?
Will I discard the gift of this sweet bliss in the field of forever fear?
I hope not.
I also saw the clock at 3:13! In Europe, they put the date before the month.
I got up at 5:55 and this day has had moments of feeling almost normal.
“Courage is being scared to death … and saddling up anyway.” — John Wayne