Debra Basham

Living and Loving

Tag: Buddha

Loving-kindness and Compassion

A friend forwarded a message this morning from Pax Christi USA, a movement founded in Europe at the end of World War II by Catholics who had suffered the terror and trauma of war. Quoting from the email content:

Pax Christi has opposed war and all preparations for war. We do not endorse warmaking as a solution for any political or social dispute, but we demand that Congress exercise its responsibility and pass a War Powers Act immediately in order to block this immoral and unconstitutional action.

I noticed the placement of the word “but” right away. In NLP and conscious communication the word “but” acts as a deletion or negation mechanism, often invalidating, erasing, or devaluing the clause that precedes it. It shifts the focus entirely to the information that follows the word “but,” making that information the final, most important impression. It seems highly unlikely that those sending out this message understood consciously that the word “but” is considered a “killer” word because it often negates previous positive statements.

This paragraph was also included in the email message:

We pray for an end to the violence, a cessation of the bombing, and for an embrace of nonviolent solutions that affirm the autonomy and human rights of the people of Iran and the Middle East.

I might suggest an edit so that last line simply says, “affirm the autonomy and human rights of all people.”

I am navigating a pain flare in my right hip. While this is not new, it has been many years since I have experienced this level of discomfort. Likely the current uncomfortable sensations in my body are not unconnected to the conditions in our world.

I looked up the quotation “Hatred never ceases by hatred, but by love alone is healed” while the message from Pax Christi USA remained open on my screen. “That hatred never ceases hatred is an ancient, fundamental truth, most famously attributed to the Buddha in the Dhammapada (Verse 5). It teaches that returning hate for hate only perpetuates a cycle of violence and suffering, whereas loving-kindness and compassion are the only means to resolve hatred.”

Loving-kindness and compassion…. Only and always, loving-kindness and compassion….

March 2, 2026
The Theme of Home

I was on retreat and up quite early one morning and I wanted to share so I let myself enjoy the bliss of fingers on the keyboard. I am now home and sending this.

Stacey and John drove out with me on Friday evening so they could see where I would be for the week. I know Stacey felt much better after seeing the precious space. She even said, “Something like this is what we need to build for you guys.” I have spent some time in planning mind imagining what, when, where, and why love might unfold in that direction. But that is not now. We are learning to be here now.

One of my first journal entries was noting that I knew what the closing chant would be before the meditation began. This has been a way spirit has communicated to me for many, many years. In some ways, it is why I started a journal practice almost 60 years ago. If I wrote it down and then it happened I knew I had not made it up.

“This is not a retreat that will lead to awakening — rather, it will uncover your awakened heart, your true nature.”

“Sacred darkness and darkness are the same thing. What makes it sacred is how you respond to it.”

“Practicing skillfully is just our becoming aware of more kindness coming forth; more compassion.”

During walking mediation on opening day I walked the perimeter of the property. I walked around each tree. I thought of the opening lines of the poem “Lost” by David Wagoner:

‘Stand still. The trees ahead and bushes beside you
Are not lost. Wherever you are is called Here’

As I walked I felt walking in the labyrinth at Emrich, Oakwood, Still Waters… it was not a remembering of walking those labyrinths, not a mental activity at all but a FEELING, an experiencing.

A cousin sent a text message sharing that he had done the havening technique for/on his brother who is with hospice care. His brother had been in such pain he could not sleep. The havening calmed him down and he slept. I wrote back saying we knew when the havening was so helpful for him that he would pass it on. That day he had been able to pass it on to his beloved brother.

I had a flash of John going with me to Still Waters years ago. It was a winter day and John has slipped into his hibernation mode. As we drove there I asked John how a dog knows when it is his day off. We both laughed. On the drive home John told me he had realized how having a leisure day at Still Waters was different from having a leisure day at home: “No guilt.”

It is wonderful to be here.

Aaron talked about his final lifetime, how he felt like a failure. He left the monastery in shame and grief and went to live in the woods. “I felt enormous gratitude for the forest,” he said. I know that feeling. The following morning we were to hug a tree and spend some time listening to the tree. We were encouraged to feel the boundaries fall away. We were to ask the tree, ‘Who am I?’

Barbara shared about having had cellulitis 25 years ago. As she lay in the hospital bed not sure if her leg would have to be amputated, she offered metta for the woman in the next bed whose leg had just been amputated, and for all beings who may have lost a leg to an accident, or war, or disease. She said, “One leg to heal for all.” I sent her sharing to our cousin.

I was very scattered as the retreat began and Sivia picked up on that right away. She so graciously took over the hosting. We actually became very seamless sharing the hosting duties. I am so grateful for this dharma dance we share. That continued throughout the week.

I went out to identify the tree I would spend time with. It was not too far from the patio and it has one trunk that splits into two.

The bark was VERY soft. I have never felt anything like that. As I was focused on appreciating the texture of the bark, I saw a tree frog!It was right at eye level and as I looked more closely, the frog opened its eyes to look directly at me.

I realized the tree was this frog’s home. I complimented the frog on having such a lovely home. I knew I was a visitor and I had great appreciation for the frog’s gracious hospitality. I had never seen a tree frog in a tree but I had a similar experience years ago as small moths would fly up from the grass while I walked at dusk. We co-exist with ALL. Not really co-existing, WE ARE ALL. I AM ALL. YOU ARE ALL.

I remembered the poem, Please Call Me By My True Names, by Thich Nhat Hanh we heard earlier.

Spiritual meaning of frog: cleansers of bad spirits. Ability to heal; songs are magical and contain divine powers.

I asked the tree about the protrusion on the inside of my right ankle, if it was bone cancer. I heard, “No.”

Woodpecker and crow were nearby.

Sunday morning the teaching was about the hindrances: Doubt, clinging and grasping, aversion, agitation and restlessness, sloth and torpor. Sloth is when the body may feel heavy, lethargic, weary, or weak. It may be difficult to keep the body erect while meditating. Torpor means the mind may be dull, cloudy, or weary. One or another of the hindrances may be predominant, but we are told that it is nearly impossible for any hindrance to be alone, that it is a contracted state. We are encouraged to note ‘this is a contracted state’ and be present with it, noticing where it is in the body, not even giving it a name. In my sacred drawing I write, “I greet you with lovingkindness. I honor you. I honor myself for my willingness to feel and release.”

“You are not trying to create compassion. You are compassion.”

“You don’t have to fix yourself.”

I saw a beautiful yellow swallowtail butterfly!

When difficult memories or emotions would come up during a sitting I would acknowledge them with kindness seeing them as something that was still being purified. I walked backwards up and down the hill on the edge of the property. Barbara shared having done a backwards walking meditation with about one hundred people at a dzogchen retreat! You sure have to stay mindful to walk backwards safely.

A fly came in with me from my evening walk. I was totally taken back to our time this past winter when we struggled with flies coming in. Not once did I have compassion for the flies. I truly felt such compassion that this fly could not find its way back out. It finally got into the bathroom so I closed the door and went to bed. I did not see it again. I hope it got out on its own.

The only thing I brought to read was The Flight of the Garuda: The Dzogchen Tradition of Tibetan Buddhism. I opened randomly to Song 13 and read how regardless of what it is, a thought or a memory or a sensation: it is all arising out of conditions and is not me nor mine. Our small group met on Monday. I was wearing the BEE Kind t-shirt my sister Janis gave to me. I stood up so folks could see it. It was a very fun energy to wear all day as we were learning how important that is…. and later in the week I put the shirt over a big pillow and had it beside me.

I noticed the grasping to check John’s CPAP scores and I resisted looking until I was no longer grasping but then THERE WERE NO SCORES! It took a bit to problem solve and discover the app was down. Stacey assured me her dad was alive and well and at coffee. Just as I look up after meditation a squirrel scampers right across the patio.

“Spaciousness is innate.”

“We are this unborn, uncreated, undying.”

“Awaken moment-to-moment with what is arising.”

After the 2:30 meditation I saw hummingbird fly by the patio door. On my 3:45 walk hawk was my companion, and at 4:30 two hawks were circling very loudly!

During the Monday evening dharma talk Barbara led us through the reading of the Mala Recitation. When it was my turn, I read the Five Precepts.

“Where do we look for the Buddha?”

The story about the man who went looking for the Buddha, and ended up spending the night in a barn with a monk. The monk asked if he could help the traveler and the traveler said no, that he was looking for the Buddha. In the morning the monk was gone. The traveler never realized he had spent the night with the Buddha.

“Each time you sit, assume the Buddha is right there with you. The Buddha can never be farther away from you than your own heart. Ask your question as if you were asking the living Buddha. Ask the living Buddha which is right there in your loving heart.”

“When you ask ‘where is joy?’ know there is no duality. To experience sorrow is to touch the whole human experience.”

“Only love dissolves fear.”

“Remember, you are the one who is awake!”

I notice that the hindrances do seem to come as a collage, likely because they are feedback of the heart’s closing.

I notice the subtle thought that I need to conserve, or I might run out of food. I see clearly the habit energy of fear and aversion to not having what I need or want. Past life memories flood in. I won’t go into detail here but this is a very strong karmic stream that I have been with sincere intention working with for over twenty years.

I picked yellow pansies to replace the beautiful purple ones Delcy had left for me on Friday.

The sacred drawing process Laura taught me was a companion on this retreat. It is amazing how much release can happen with crayons and markers or a gel pen.

“What is the unconditioned and why should I care about it?… It is home… It is also the ground out of which distortion, fear, contraction arises. The unconditioned contains all seeming opposites.”

My host left me a four-leaf clover in a sweet little ceramic cup out on the patio table! He could not have known that earlier when I was walking and noticing all of the clover I had the thought, “Never in my life have I found a four leaf clover,” but the holy spirit must have guided him. I slipped a thank you note under the door.

OMG – On my first walking period after Tom left the four leaf clover for me I stepped off the patio and saw a four leaf clover, too! The message seems to be that when I knew I had one I was not trying to find one and I could see what was right there. (See the Sacred Story at https://www.scs-matters.com/four-leaf-clovers/)

I see a heart-shaped ant hill by my patio door and the dental floss in the bathroom waste basket is also in a heart shape. Ginny wrote: Next to the dental floss heart is the number 6. People associate with number 6 are very creative. There is a rise in the level of consciousness and awareness at the same time, which makes you more imaginative than practical. This number can be analogous to love, charm, health, oneness, empathy, destiny.

Everything is created by one’s mind…Everything is the natural form of emptiness, nonexistent and yet apparent, through the magical display of one’s mind…. All the phenomena of Samsara and Nirvana thus are self-display, all all self-display is groundless and empty.

Song 10 in Flight of the Garuda

Samsara and Nirvana have a similar meaning to hell and heaven. It was likely the most excruciating and the most exhilarating retreat in my current awareness. I would say it was a Bardo preview…. more about that in later posts.

June 10, 2023
I Need a Hug

Sacred Stories

That afternoon she had watched a seminar with Kyle Gray about the importance of our asking angels for help. During dinner with friends, a string of text messages revealed amplification with the friend’s granddaughter.

“Ask the angels for help,” she encouraged her friend, as she received such a strong sense that the maternal grandmother was there helping.

Boom!

“I need a hug,” wrote the granddaughter.

The following morning more encouraging news came from the household.

You will likely agree we have nothing to lose by asking the angels for help. We all have loved ones in spirit. And, after all, isn’t Jesus an angel? Buddha? Thich Nhat Hanh?

Kyle says, “It’s not how big the miracle is, it is simply how much room you make for it.”

February 3, 2022
Lasting Effects of the Pandemic
WORD FOR THE DAY
from Gratefulness.org

The more you sense the rareness
and value of your own life,
the more you realize that
how you use it,
how you manifest it,
is all your responsibility.

We face such a big task,
so naturally we sit down for a while.

~ Kobun Chino Otogawa Roshi

I did not know John and I would make a spur-of-the-moment drive to Tennessee and have such a wonderFULL four days with our daughter, Stacey, and her family, including our 6 month-old great-grandson, Jackson. My heart is so full, my eyes keep running over….

A lasting effect of the pandemic.

One of the lasting effects of the pandemic is an open schedule which allowed us to pick up and go. Another lasting effect is the down-on-my-knees gratitude for surviving. Not only have we survived the virus, but we see now how we have also survived the thought-virus of “MY WAY IS THE WAY.”

Ours is not the only family that navigated the pandemic with physical isolation being secondary to the pain of emotional distance, this dynamic having played itself out for many, if not most. This dynamic plays itself out over-and-over in every human life as the eight worldly concerns (conveniently divided into four pairs of seeming opposites): gain and loss, praise and blame, good reputation and bad reputation, and pleasure and pain.

Did the dissipation of distance and the opening of our hearts occur because of our mutual love for Jackson? Caring for him, delighting in him, cooperating with one another on his behalf surely has produced a welcome lasting effect.

When I captured this photo of Jackson’s face-palm, his mom shared that this was his pose in the ultrasound images while he was in the womb, and his dad said that was the pose as he entered the world! The gesture is found in many cultures as a display of frustration, disappointment, exasperation, embarrassment, horror, shock, surprise, exhaustion, sarcasm, or incredulous disbelief. One friend commented that it is was his way of saying, “What have I gotten myself into?”

A lasting effect of the pandemic likely has all of humanity experiencing some of that feeling….

But, everything holds its opposite, as is seen in this photo of a very contented Jackson in the arms of his Uncle Adam.

“We live in illusion and the appearance of things. There is a reality…. We are that reality. When you understand this, you see that you are nothing, and being nothing, you are everything. That is all.” ~ Buddha / Kalu Rinpoche

And the older I get, the more thankful I feel, for the life I’ve had and all the life I’m living still. My heart still rings with John’s playing guitar and singing those lyrics from “The Older I Get” by Alan Jackson.

Another lasting effect of the pandemic!

The Older I Get

The older I get
The more I think
You only get a minute, better live while you’re in it
‘Cause it’s gone in a blink
And the older I get
The truer it is
It’s the people you love, not the money and stuff
That makes you rich
And if they found a fountain of youth
I wouldn’t drink a drop and that’s the truth
Funny how it feels I’m just getting to my best years yet
The older I get
The fewer friends I have
But you don’t need a lot when the ones that you got
Have always got your back
And the older I get
The better I am
At knowing when to give
And when to just not give a damn
And if they found a fountain of youth
I wouldn’t drink a drop and that’s the truth
Funny how it feels I’m just getting to my best years yet
The older I get
And I don’t mind all the lines
From all the times I’ve laughed and cried
Souvenirs and little signs of the life I’ve lived
The older I get
The longer I pray
I don’t know why, I guess that I’ve
Got more to say
And the older I get
The more thankful I feel
For the life I’ve had and all the life I’m living still
June 26, 2021
Motherless Child

Sometimes I feel like a motherless child,
Sometimes I feel like a motherless child,
Sometimes I feel like a motherless child,
A long way from home, a long way from home.

Odetta knew what LIFE can feel like.

Just yesterday — one day of LIFE holding sooooo much feeling.

A dear friend, navigating tenuous steps speaking her feelings toward her husband (related to the complications of decisions that could birth a new beginning):”This father does not want the child,” she says, speaking metaphorically, of course.

Another dear friend welcoming a companion as she was filled with trepidation reading online the results of a recent PET scan (positron emission tomography).

Sad news from our daughter that our grand-kitty, Thor, crossed the rainbow bridge. Thor, one of THOSE beings. Love oozed from Thor’s pores. Thor massaged love into your most tender spots, and his purr moved mountains of misunderstandings.

Utterances from the lips of a wife, candidly wondering aloud if they would both be better off if her husband stayed in long-term care.

“We are called beyond and empowered by the silver thread of hope that hangs by a thread below,” this expression of LIFE written by my friend in the midst of it all drapes over the feelings of the day like low-hanging clouds.

Don’t do things for personal benefit. And don’t do things to avoid personal damage. Do things to feel personal authenticity. Then your life will make sense, no matter what is going on around you. ~ Neale Donald Walsch

Today is the anniversary of my mom’s “rebirth” day on May 20, 2003.

May 20 is also the rebirth day of the woman who owned and lived in this tiny home for 33 years before we purchased it in 2017. Ursel had actually purchased the home on May 20 – 33 years prior.

According to the teachings of the Buddha, emotions are a fundamental part of who you are — an expression of our basic intelligence and creative energy. “When you can connect with the essence of your emotions, you can respond without preconceptions and judgments.”

Experiences are pleasant, unpleasant or neutral.

We tend to grasp after the pleasant feelings, try to avoid unpleasant feelings, and miss the neutral feelings much of the time.

Thought for Today

Breathing in, I am aware of you, of your suffering. Breathing out, I hold space for your suffering. Breathing in, I am aware of my suffering. Breathing out, I hold space for my suffering. Your suffering and my suffering, the same.

~ Aaron

May 20, 2021
Many Happy Returns
These words from Nhất Hạnh opened our practice this morning, January 30, 2021. What a powerful lesson to remember on the birthday of two people I love. One (a woman) is younger than I, and the other (a man) is slightly my elder. I cannot say for sure how I will be when I am his age, but I am old enough already to have compassion for the aging process.

One of the members of Deep Spring Sangha lost his grandfather this week. One of the members of the Zen Empty Circle sangha lost his sister this week as well. Since the practice today was dedicated to her, Jerry Ashmore’s dharma talk began, “We don’t know for sure what happens after we die. At least I don’t. That’s absolutely the don’t know mind. The question I often ask myself is how can we make their death meaningful when a loved one passes?”

Jerry continued with the following story:

A student asks how to prepare for death.

“When you die, and you are reborn, how can you be reborn in a good place, into a positive rebirth?” the Buddha asks the student.

“Well,” the student replies, “I have to live a life of wisdom and compassion.”

“Yes,” the Buddha agrees, “if you live a life of wisdom and compassion, you will have a favorable rebirth. Now, what if there is no rebirth, what will you do? What can you do to live a happy life?”

“Well, I have to live a life of wisdom and compassion….”

Jerry’s conclusion from this story is if we live a life of wisdom and compassion the afterlife will take care of itself.

The sangha member who had just lost his sister wished she could have seen herself through the eyes of those who benefited from her life. She had been sober for 30 years. One person called to offer condolences saying because of his sister, she herself had been sober for 28 years!

While we may have some moments of missed opportunities for living life with wisdom and compassion, our lives are filled with lasting moments of wisdom and compassion. Any missed opportunity is simply another invitation.

Birthday Candles

It’s a happy ritual
meant to remind us that
all we hope to have and be
begins with a little
wishing.

~ Meanings of Life – A Cardthartic Experience

May all beings have a happy life, many happy birthdays, and many happy returns!
January 30, 2021
Two Wings of Mindfulness

Deep Spring Center
Thought for Today

If one never were to experience this
dark night of the soul,
one’s compassion
really would be limited.

One may have a belief,
‘I can be compassionate
with that which is light
and beautiful and loving
in myself and others’
but one has never tested it
to see if
one can also extend that compassion,
even to the utmost of darkness.

~ Aaron

This morning I did something I rarely do. I followed a link and read an article after the headline caught my attention: Deadliest place in America: They shrugged off the pandemic, then their family and friends started dying.

Dinkel says too many people are refusing to do their part to protect the elderly from COVID-19.

“To sit there and say they are old that they will die of something,” she says, “Well, they wouldn’t have died of the flu. My dad wouldn’t have been in the hospital for a month if this was the flu.”

Despite the efforts of local public health officials and experts, many residents aren’t taking the deadly pandemic seriously. Bearded farmers stride defiantly down Main Street past signs requiring them to wear masks. School is still in session and churches are open. Someone threatened to blow up the home of a pro-mask county commissioner.

Nicholson, the ambulance worker, is also co-owner of a restaurant and brewery on Main Street, and she’s had customers swear they’ll never come back after she reminded them to wear a mask when picking up food. She doesn’t want to wade into the middle of a political dispute. She just wants her neighbors to live.

But this post is not about COVID-19, even though four of our high-school classmates died of the coronavirus in just one week at home.

This post is about how mindfulness is like a bird — both need two wings to fly. The two wings of mindfulness are wisdom (clear seeing) and compassion.

Compassion is a result of seeing life’s experience clearly, therefore not everyone’s experience generates compassion. Life’s experiences reveal our world view.

The people in the deadliest place in America justify not wearing masks by saying the people who are dying are old, and people die in God’s time. The kernel of truth in not only toxic, it is deadly.

Sunday morning I went to the only grocery store here on the island. I had read “masks required” on the ad, and I checked out the website of the company to read the same thing. “Masks required” was also on the entry doors. However, customers were coming in and shopping and getting service without a mask.

Numbers in this small community on the south end of the island are climbing, yet, the Ragged Ass Saloon still hosts live music and welcomes wall-to-wall (if you can use that term about a parking lot) patrons not wearing masks or maintaining safe distancing.

As human beings, we all try our best to bring about a world based on kindness and compassion. What seems to go wrong, however, is that what I want, what I personally would like, becomes more important than the benefit of the whole community.

Yes, death will come to each of us. That is not failure. The bloom is the bud’s undoing…

We are capable of spreading our wings and soaring to the heights of wisdom and compassion.

As the Buddha said, “If it were not possible, I would not ask you to do it.”

December 15, 2020
Hearing, Sitting, Touching, Breathing

For those who believe, no words are necessary.
For those who do not believe, no words are possible.

~Attributed to Saint Ignatius in Think of an Elephant : Combining Science and Spirituality for a Better Life (2007) by Paul Bailey, but earlier attributed to Franz Werfel, Philippine Studies (1953) by Ateneo de Manila, p. 269; also in Everest : The Mountaineering History (2000) by Walt Unsworth, p. 100.

I spent October 6-13, 2019 at a Deep Spring meditation retreat at Oakwood Retreat Center in Selma, Indiana. Great advice on how to respond to the question if you had a good retreat is to simply smile and say, “It was Divine.”

Truly, for those who have a practice of Vipassana (mindfulness), no words are necessary. For folks who admit to being terrified by the mere mention of seven days and seven nights of silence there are no words possible to describe the depth of experience.

This is from the Deep Spring website: A meditation retreat is a wonderful opportunity to experience our own inner being while sharing in the support of others. Mindfulness throughout the day will be a focus, with alternating periods of sitting and walking practice. The retreat will be held in silence, free of conversational talking. This kind of retreat may not be appropriate for all people. If you have concerns about your emotional stability under the pressures of a deeply introspective meditation experience, please discuss your concerns prior to registering.

More specifically, this was our week’s schedule: First sitting 6:30 am. Breakfast at 7:30 am. 8:45 instruction and sitting. 10:15 walking meditation. 11:00 am sitting. Noon lunch. 2:00 sitting. 2:45 walking meditation. 4:15 various afternoon programming. 5:15 dinner. 6:30 pm evening sitting. 7:15 dharma talk. 8:30 final sitting. 9:00 rest. (It is almost incomprehensible that one could lie awake staring into the darkness much of the night after such full days, but we often did.)

The theme of this retreat was experiencing light within the darkness. Sunrises were exquisite!

We were guided to stay present with the aversion or dislike, the wanting to escape. You can hold attention skillfully with openness of heart. Being present with kind attention, you are including everything in your experience.

It was easy to see beauty within destruction on the Oakwood campus because they sustained severe wind damage a few weeks ago. The bridge between the meditation hall and the teaching space was roped off, but brave meditators ducked under the “CAUTION” tape and gingerly tiptoed across to the other side.

Breath-taking beauty resulted from branches having been cut off a pine tree.

Perhaps it is true that beauty grows up through the cracks of our pain.

People came to this retreat with genuine human burdens: incurable cancer, Alzheimer’s disease, history of abuse, addiction, loneliness, anger, sadness, grief, physical pain.

And we each sat with what we brought…. sitting in meditation is done for relief for all sentient beings.

Pain. Unpleasant. Fear.

We were instructed to understand the difference between armoring and shielding. It is very appropriate to shield. We appropriately shield without moving into a place of armoring. Shielding with physical pain might mean applying some arnica cream or taking an aspirin.

The armor does not just appear. There is a feeling ‘unsafe.’ There is a wanting to armor. There is a wanting to feel safe. There are stories made up.

On Tuesday morning I noticed I had been gently rocking back and forth as I sat in the instruction periods. I vividly remembered having done that often as a child, and even into my adulthood, to comfort myself.

“Hindrances come as stepping stones to awakenings,” our teachers assured us.

The Buddha said, “It it were not possible, I would not ask you to do it.”

I reflected about so many of the attendees sharing deep agony of their habit patterns of self-loathing and self-criticism. I wrote in my journal: Perfection is present in every stage. The perfection of an infant only capable of lying and being held. The perfection of a toddler beginning to walk. A preschooler running with abandon. Teenagers active with hormones raging. A mother walking a child to the bus. A grandmother being helped to walk down the street. Every age has its inherent beauty.

I was given this focus for my practice: “You love so deeply. You support so many. But you often ask, ‘Did I do enough? Could I have done more?’Spend this week really feeling what it is to truly cherish yourself. You are enough. Cherish yourself.”

Thursday afternoon we had darshan with the Mother. There were very few words spoken. I wrote these down.

What if there were no right or wrong?

You are loved. You don’t have to earn that love.

You carry family karma. You did not cause it, but you must tend to it because you carry it.

I wrote in my journal: I set my intention for total relief of the karma of sexual guilt.

People found ways to skillfully process the heavy emotions. Like this art on the table in the dining hall:

I wrote a haiku.

Shadow Haiku

Stink bug in window
Its shadow toys with my mind
Are there one or two?

Who leads? Who follows?
Shadow looms larger than life
Illusion brings fear

Lips curl in a smile
Such games the light plays with me
I let myself play

Bees buzz and birds fly
Butterflies flit and then land
So brief their sweet lives

Does some distant God
Watch with curiosity
As I move through life

Perhaps we are all
Light and shadow just dancing
Nothing ever dies

Debra Basham
10/08/2019
Oakwood Retreat

I wrote “Am I Enlightened” and shared it at the campfire when we were invited to share about our week:

Am I Enlightened?

Many people have said I’m the most enlightened human being they’ve met. I don’t know what enlightenment is.

Am I enlightened because I think to close the door softly when my roommate is sleeping? Or when I pick up a piece of trash remembering the day the sheet of paper was sucked off the front seat of my van while I was driving on the highway leaving me with no way to retrieve it?

Am I enlightened when I taste the soil and the sun, and the sweat from the hands of the laborer, and the smoke from the cigarette held by the yellow-stained fingers of the delivery man on the bread I toasted dark brown and slathered with jam?

Am I enlightened because I celebrate like a 2-year-old every time I poop? Am I enlightened because I find no satisfaction in getting even or getting done?

Am I enlightened because I have felt a baby’s birth and an elder’s death and I know they are the same?

Am I enlightened because I crawl into bed at night saying, “I love my bed,” humbled knowing based on national reports, it’s estimated that no less than 150 million people, or about 2 percent of the world’s population, are homeless, and about 1.6 billion, more than 20 percent of the world’s population, may lack adequate housing?

Am I enlightened because unloading silverware from the dishwasher and putting it into the drawer, I hear the bell that rings calling us to meditation when I am on retreat?

Am I enlightened because I remember I am walking on the home of ants and moths and moles as I walk across the grass still wet from the morning dew?

Am I enlightened because I heard Ella tell me hers was a perfect incarnation for someone who desired to feel loved and wanted every second of their life as I was making the hour drive to be at the hospital to baptize her knowing a baby born with anencephaly might be stillborn or survive only a few hours to a few days after birth?

Am I enlightened? I do not say I am for I know wisdom and kindness and ignorance and cruelty and I know I am none other than All That Is.

Debra Basham
10-11-2019
Oakwood Retreat

October 14, 2019
Your Place in the Family of Things
A few days ago, the mold saga continued as late in the evening our friend ripped up carpet preparing for solid flooring installation in the manufactured home she bought here in our park and found this:

(see Lessons from the Mold)

She was having a very difficult time navigating all of the uncertainty. I totally get that. I said I would come the following day while she was at work and I would get the rest of the carpeting up so she would know the scope of the problem.

We are now lovingly calling my friend’s space ‘AREA 51’ as her home is located on Lot 51.

It never occurred to me that evening I would know to ask for help even as I was giving help.

There is a story of the Buddha when in a past life he offered himself as food to a hungry tiger and her cubs. The story says when you start off by sharing your dinner with the hungry tiger cub and then some years or lifetimes later, you are giving your dinner, it’s only a natural next step to simply give yourself. For one for whom there is a giver it would not be an appropriate action, it would create an unwholesome karma for both you and the tiger cub. What happens is at some point there is no giver and no one given to. You are not making a martyr of yourself, because there’s really no distinction between you and the hungry tiger. You see the being suffering and you give.

The following morning, as I prepared to head over to her home, I spontaneously wrote a note to the guy across the street, “I need someone with strength at Lot 51 for a few minutes.” He arrived home from the gym as I was writing the note, so I walked across the street and knocked on his door. I pointed to the note, told him what happened, and said simply, “I could use your help ripping up the rest of the carpet.”

He walked over as I drove. There he stood—with a large pair of pliers, a utility knife, and a snub-nosed spade. He was amazing…. He showed me how to use the spade, and by working together, in less than an hour, we had all carpet and pad removed.

And we found NO additional mold. I sent my friend these photos:

I came home to have some lunch and rest a bit. I wrote a ‘thank you’ note, slipped 3 twenty-dollar bills into it, and taped it on his door as I headed back to remove the tack strips, pull up the linoleum, and sweep up the mess.

When I got back home the 3 twenty-dollar bills were in this envelope taped on my door:

When I saw him later, he grinned and said, “I kept the card.”
July 6, 2019
Carpe Diem!

Gather ye rosebuds while ye may,
Old Time is still a-flying;
And this same flower that smiles today
Tomorrow will be dying.
The glorious lamp of heaven, the sun,
The higher he’s a-getting,
The sooner will his race be run,
And nearer he’s to setting.
~ Robert Herrick

My fingers have been missing in action from the keyboard as I have enjoyed spending time with a precious friend. We played dominoes, went sightseeing, dined with decadence, and shared about dealing with pain.

Today I am catching up.

This is the beginning of the February 6, 2019 daily thought of David J. Bloyd:

“Memories— the one thing that can never be taken away from us. Make lots of them! “

—Catherine Pulsifer, Canadian author; age not provided

wiseoldsayings.com (website)

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But be careful…very careful…because it’s just as easy to form a bad memory as it is a good one. I recall a story I read many years ago. A family was on a trip in their car, carefully planned regarding timing and distances, and on-target to fulfill those plans. Their little boy was in the back in his car seat playing with his favorite stuffed toy. His window was open to give him fresh air. Suddenly he cried out that his toy was gone. The father asked where it went. “Out the window”, the boy replied. Now the father had three choices: Chew the little boy out and keep driving; just keep driving and let the little boy suffer the loss; stop, turn around, and go back to look for the toy. He chose the last option.

Later, when with friends, the wife told the story. One of the friends asked the man “Why? Why did you ruin your schedule over an inexpensive teddy bear?”

The father smiled and said “Because the toy was his favorite.”

Now why is that important?

Because whatever choice he took, it would have created a memory for the little boy—either a sad one or a marvelous one. We have future memories in our control. Whatever we do today we’ll re-live tomorrow.

Reliving pleasant things is very pleasant. I have been doing some of that around my last week. Reliving unpleasant things can be even more unpleasant than the experience itself.

My friend, Sheilana Massey, wrote Peace Has No Space for Memories. The book encourages us to live in the moment of right now, without dragging in the past or living in the future. She says we can live with Love for what is, not for what was or what will be. From this space our planet will move into Peace, Love and Joy for all Creation.

The Buddha taught that we cannot prevent pain, but we do not have to suffer. “In life, we cannot always control the first arrow. However, the second arrow is our reaction to the first. And with this second arrow comes the possibility of choice.” (A search for ‘the second arrow’ will yield lots of pages, or check out How the Buddhist metaphor of ‘the second arrow’ can help you to be nicer to yourself.)

This is often summarized as, “Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.”

My friend is enduring a lot of pain.

Amidst the pain, however, she is ecstatic about her new life with her new husband. She eats with enthusiasm. She loves music. She laughs a lot.

Whatever we do today we’ll re-live tomorrow.

Gather ye rosebuds while ye may… Cease the day!

February 7, 2019