Debra Basham

Living and Loving

Tag: Bluehost

  • Grief and Relief: RIP Aunt Sharon

    Tender emotions here…. Some of the emotions are frustration. I have spent the past two weeks without resolution to my WiFi/Domain not speaking to one another. Twenty three hours on hold with Comcast, Comcast, Comcast, and Bluehost.

    Monday evening, Aunt Sharon Basham passed. I met with her family on Thursday evening, went to visitation Friday evening, and I had the honor of officiating her Celebration of Life today. Everything about that service touches other places deep in my heart. Aunt Sharon lived with her daughter, Tracey, and son-in-love, Bo. The family supported Sharon in her wishes to be able to live her life out in the home they all moved into together on her birthday in 2008.

    A powerfully relevant poem, “Two Mothers Remembered” by Joann Snow Duncanson, speaks of this unique bond when a daughter is a caregiver to her mother:

    I had two Mothers – two Mothers I claim
    Two different people, yet with the same name.
    Two separate women, diverse by design,
    But I loved them both because they were mine.

    The first was the Mother who carried me here,
    Gave birth and nurtured and launched my career.
    She was the one whose features I bear,
    Complete with the facial expressions I wear.

    She gave me her love, which follows me yet,
    Along with the examples in life that she set.

    As I got older, she somehow younger grew,
    And we’d laugh as just Mothers and daughters should do.

    But then came the time that her mind clouded so,
    And I sensed that the Mother I knew would soon go.

    So quickly she changed and turned into the other,
    A stranger who dressed in the clothes of my Mother.

    Oh, she looked the same, at least at arm’s length,
    But now she was the child and I was her strength.

    We’d come full circle, we women three,
    My Mother the first, the second and me.
    And if my own children should come to a day,
    When a new Mother comes and the old goes away,
    I’d ask of them nothing that I didn’t do.
    Love both of your Mothers as both have loved you.

    They chose some wonderful music. In the Garden, by Alan Jackson. And Supermarket Flowers, sung by Ed Sheeran.”You were an angel in the shape of my mum….Spread your wing….And I know that when God took you back he said Hallelujah, You’re home….”

    The Basham family is an amazing family. I married in to it over fifty years ago and I am so grateful….

    Tonight Stacey sent a text message: “Please hold energy for Doug. He’s frustrated with stuff breaking, weather, etc. I just want to be supportive of him. This is his dream that I’m along for the ride.” (See FaceBook Sailing Lady Gail or Adventure of Doug and Stacey.)

    We had opportunity for a voice-to-voice and I shared some from my journal this morning:

    D: Last night I was kind to the person at Comcast (8:30-9:30 pm) and Bluehost (9:30-11:00 pm) while still being honest about the frustration.

    D: What would you have me know?

    V: Ask Jesus for help. Remember the Sacred Story you published that there is an angel for everything?

    D: I am willing. I do see how my not planning to go to Indy for the Welcome Baby Party for Brian and Tegan was part of that greater awareness.

    V: That is ALWAYS happening. Even the challenging situation with your domain is kind. You can do everything you need to do—just not the way you want to do it. Yes?

    D: Yes.

    V: Do you remember this is part of the Sacred Darkness? Watch the one who wants to control. As Barbara heard when she was trying to save her neighbor from drowning,”Stop trying. Relax. Let LOVE do this.”

    D: Helplessness; confusion; grief. As I embrace that in myself I do it for all sentient beings.

    I reminded Aunt Sharon’s family of the importance of celebrating little acts of love and enjoyment and remembrance.

    It is OK to feel grief and relief.

    In closing, these words to Sharon, and to each of you, “Well done, good and faithful servant. Well done….”



    As I was hanging up with Bluehost I asked the guy what time it was where he was at. He said it was 8:00 pm and I responded, “It is 11:00 pm here.”

    We are not actually all having the same experience, even when we are having the same experience.

  • Support

    This week has been rife with lessons. We experienced another school shooting, irrevocably changing lives while politics goes on as usual. The day before this shooting I was with people I consider to be of “like-mind” but even within this group, people are anything but like-minded about how we best bring forth peace.

    Dr. Leo Galland learned the answers to life’s questions from his son, Christopher, who lived to be 22 years old. Christopher was “a brain-damaged special needs child who challenged everyone he knew with his unpredictable behavior and uncanny insights.” The book of Christopher’s life is titled Already Here: A Doctor Discovers the Truth about Heaven. The following excerpt is what John Cubeta, an educational psychologist who had worked closely with Christopher, wrote about having lunch with Chris:

    One day, I was attempting to have a conversation with Chris after we had just bought a pair of cheeseburgers. I kept trying to get a dialogue going, but it would abruptly end whenever it was Chris’s turn to respond. I finally asked Chris why he didn’t answer me when I spoke to him. He continued to eat in silence. Nothing I said seemed to register. Eventually, he swallowed the last bite. Then he said, very plainly, “I didn’t want to speak while I was eating,” obviously annoyed that something so simple and obvious should require an explanation.

    It seems my life lessons also most often come in the mundane. Friday morning I started getting an error message when I tried to send email from my iPhone using my propitiatory address. The message would get stuck in the Outbox where it sat whirring for hours. Until the message was marked with a red exclamation mark that it did not get sent, the message could not be deleted. During this time I could also not use my gmail account on the phone. One message took 8 hours to clear.

    Verizon said it was an issue with the email host, Bluehost. Bluehost said Apple made some changes that had severely affected their servers but Bluehost was working on it. When things were not resolved the next day, I called Bluehost again but was this time I was told they could not help, I needed to call Apple Support. This evening I spent about an hour on hold, then about another hour with Apple Support, who finally told me I needed to call Bluehost. Apple Support stayed on the line with me while I called Bluehost one more time. I am exceedingly glad to report the email is working now.

    After the tragic news of this week’s school shooting, I wrote the following poem:

    Guns, Guts, and Grace or A Day for Lovers

    Seventeen gone home on Valentine’s Day
    Right and left make their points today
    All I do is kneel and pray

    It takes guts to be still
    To say it is ideas not guns that kill
    As hatred grows inside human will

    The blood is real it is bright red
    Alive is not the same as dead
    Lovers can lie together in bed

    We watch the news on TV
    Guns and guts is what we see
    Yet, grace is there inside of me

    Helen writes “I’m done with war!”
    Ain’t gonna study it no more
    Sick to death of it at my core

    But what if what we fear
    Is what is brought so very near
    Threatening all we hold so dear

    A day for lovers that’s for sure
    Calling forth hearts with love so pure
    Rather than minds all cocksure

    Debra Basham 2-15-2018 (WC 140)

    I’ve worn a Fitbit Charge 2 for over a year now. Although it is not REAL TIME, it gives my heart rate, and my resting rate. I have appreciated the feedback, and I have learned a lot about being present or not. My resting heart rate went down during the two days after John was taken to ER. (See In A Single Thought.) I have even noticed that chewing gum while walking helps keep my heart rate down. I am being more present as I chew.

    One thing I see clearly is how every moment along the frustrating process of getting support to fix the email problem, I knew I was dealing with the mundane. Years back I would have been pulling my hair out. The situation was frustrating, and having to make the calls and wait was inconvenient. But while how I dealt with it changed my life, it was not life changing….