Debra Basham

Living and Loving

Tag: blog

Questions Enlighten
It is not the answer that enlightens
but the question.

~ Eugene Ionesco

Tuesday evening as our group met on Zoom, physically located all over the globe, we were fully present with one anothers’ questions. “How do you know if you are awake?”

“I can feel that still center. I can tell when I am not there as well.”

“How do you know you are receiving guidance or listening to your higher self?”

“I am less impatient. I am more able to sit in the unknowing.”

I mentioned an experience I had a few years ago when Writing Down Your Soul: How to Activate and Listen to the Extraordinary Voice Within, a book written by Janet Conner, appeared on my co-author’s Kindle.

My co-author did not purchase the book, and although I share access to his Kindle, nor did I. That this book just ‘appeared’ caught my attention. When I synced his Kindle, my attention was held as I read Conner’s words: “After all, it is no accident that this book has come to you. In the big scheme of things there are no accidents, only divine appointments.”

Conner’s outer life had fallen apart. Her husband abused alcohol, threatened suicide, and put their son in harm’s way. Her dog dragged a copy of Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way down the hallway from her bedroom to where she was seated in a stupor of sadness and despair. Picking up a pen and paper and opening to the power of writing in a journal changed her life. Along the way, she wrote out her covenant:
A few minutes ago when my son-in-law came home to take an important phone call. My daughter said, “Do we need to pray about it?”

Without even thinking, I replied, “Are we not already praying?”

My soul seems to have integrated these high hopes written so succinctly in Janet’s Covenant because I do not use prayer as something I “do.” Prayer is truly a wonderful sense of being continually in the Presence of the Divine.

When others ask me for prayer, and I say, “Praying,” my experience is that I am moving my attention into a stream of well-being that is already flowing toward that person or situation. My prayer is not a request for an intervention so much as it is an acknowledgment of an omnipresence of grace and love available to all at all times.

“And it shall come to pass that before they call, I will answer; and while they are yet speaking, I will hear.” (Isaiah 65:24)

Buddhist “prayer” activities, such as the recitation of sutras or mantras, are about connecting with our own inner capacity to develop constructive emotions such as compassion, enthusiasm, patience.

The motivation to prayer is to engage in constructive actions of helping … for the benefit of all.

May your heart soar as you read the Great Spirit Prayer translated by Lakota Sioux Chief Yellow Lark in 1887:
Whatever your questions, be willing to ask them. The very asking is an expression of your soul’s willingness to be one who knows.

Questions enlighten….
December 14, 2022
Lower Case “p” in Plan

My face is clear and I have completed two of the five prescription protocols. Three continue for the balance of the 14 days. I am very thankful my face is no longer swollen and burning and itchy.

It is quite interesting how big the little things feel.

It has been a wonderFULL time here in Tennessee. I have been busy with “projects” for Stacey (the greatest of which was organizing, arranging, and detailing her at-home-office). Here she is, working from there right at this very moment.

On Friday, Stacey and John and I took Doug’s truck to Franklin (just under an hour drive) to pick up a futon for the office. We were on a tight schedule because Stacey wanted to get back for her Barre class. Good thing she changed into her exercise clothes before we left home….

We had that futon loaded in record time. We felt the white-hot, sinking-feeling as we realized the keys (and our phones!) were locked in the truck. Stacey called Doug to come let us in. The wind was a bit brisk, so the three of us were semi-huddled on the seller’s porch when I said, “Perhaps this experience has multiple opportunities. I wonder if I am to get to know who she is.”

At that moment, Amber Westerman (singer-songwriter) came out to offer us water and ask if we needed anything. Amber had studied sustainable farming in Hawaii. Our grandson Brad had an interest in that during college. She studied Ayurvedic Medicine in Iowa, along with meditation practices.

OKAY, I get it…. likely not everyone picking up a futon would even know what Ayurveda is…. needless to say we had a very nice connection.

And Stacey made her Barre class!

Check out amberwestermanmusic.com or search her name. It was fun to see some videos of her original music. I still have a strong sense there may be something else calling our paths to cross in the future.

Stacey had purchased the furniture for her office. She had gotten her computer set up and had been working some in the space for a while. Settling in had definitely been derailed when our great-grandson, Jackson, had seizures and subsequent hospital stays.

We like to think we are planning our life and living our plan, but Life, with a capital “L” takes president over our plan, with a lower case “p.”

This morning, I opened Neale Donald Walsch’s message and read, “… what your heart thinks is great, is great. The soul’s emphasis is always right. Ralph Waldo Emerson said that, and he was correct.”

Walsch continued, “The mind is the last part of yourself to listen to. It thinks of everything you can lose. The heart thinks of everything you can give, and the soul thinks of everything you are.”

This comes at such a significant time. Results from Jackson’s genetic testing are due on Thursday afternoon’s follow-up with the pediatric neurologist at Vanderbilt. John and I are very grateful we will be here with them all for that.

Usually, I am one who likes bare windows to let light in but when I hung the pretty little sheers on Stacey’s office window a transformative softness immediately fell over the space.

The future you shall know
when it has come;
before then,
forget it.
~ Aeschylus

December 6, 2022
A Heart that Hurts
There are opportunities
even in the most difficult moments.

~ Wangari Maathai

It has been a busy couple of weeks. We left Michigan on Monday, November 21, and have been staying with Stacey and Doug here in Smyrna, Tennessee. We had an easy trip down, and we had a wonderful Thanksgiving Dinner with all of the kids on Friday. Things took an unexpected turn a few days ago…. seems as though I was not complete with that yeast infection and the remorse.

The itchy face began again in earnest. By Tuesday morning, my face was quite red and dry, itching and burning. Wednesday morning, November 30, I woke up with my entire face inflamed and so severely swollen I am barely recognizable. (Note – I have attached a photo. If you receive Yellow Brick Road by email you will have to click on the title and follow the link to the website to see it. I warn you, it is not pretty….)

Not a coincidence that this event occurred five months to the day since I last had a FaceTime call with Joel, this after over twenty years of almost daily contact, including many, many trips to trainings, conferences, and speaking engagements. Mind you, I made the decision that the kindest thing might be for me to stop trying so hard to maintain contact given the increased dementia that resulted in his move to be near his son.

The team at American Family Care was so kind and very thorough. Soon after a steroid injection I was looking more like myself and feeling a whole lot better. I am on a 14-day aggressive program, hopefully this will both ease the yeast out without triggering another histamine storm. They are speaking the truth when they stay skin is the largest, most sensitive organ of the human body.

From my journal yesterday morning at 3:33 am EST:
I draw to find meaning from the pain, and I write to share meaning with others. There are opportunities even in the most difficult moments.

The drawing is titled “No Blame, No Shame.” There is a thought bubble with the words, “What did I (or you) (or anyone) do to deserve this pain?”

The face has one tear and the red, swollen, itchy realty of my current face.

I write in the first of the Four Noble Truths: Everybody suffers just like you.

I ponder what has me awake. The coughing spell (our Jackson had a bad cold with fever and coughing when he got here on Friday and first Doug, and then I got a cold)? The five-month anniversary of last speaking to Joel? The haunting remorse of my choice to not try and force contact?

I notice a slight uphill to the words on the page. I misspell hallelujah and have to look it up. (Ha! I misspelled it when keying it in just now, too.)

I change the description from uphill to upward slant.

As the heat of the histamine storm releases, perhaps my heart is easing into a steady beat of loving what is, even if I’m not able to enjoy it.

I add the lyrics to “Universal Heartbeat” by Juliana Hatfield: A heart that hurts, is a heart, a heart that works.

I draw a sun in the upper right corner of the page and add: The sun shines even on a rainy day.

Along the left margin I write: I am not ashamed to share my messes with the masses. It is beautiful to know you are not alone. I add arrows and the words: No more red marking pens.

I have attached a photo of the drawing. Remember to click on the title and follow the link to the website if you want to see it.

This morning’s Daily Quote from Aaron really speaks to my heart: “Remember that your energy does touch everything in the world. When you are caught up in fear, that frightened energy reverberates around the globe. When you feel compassion and lovingkindness, that energy spreads around the globe.”

A heart that hurts is a heart that works.
December 2, 2022
All of the Rest

Well, the itching that I endured during an eight-day silent meditation retreat was not contact dermatitis after all. AND a yeast infection can be made worse because topical corticosteroids weaken the skin’s defenses and allow yeast infections to invade deeper into the skin. This week I have been on three prescriptions (oral and topical) and I am almost totally itch-free. This all ties in so well with themes from the “Awakening – As Sudden, Gradual and Both” Deep Spring retreat, and with a conversation begun this week with the Chairman of the Board for the Samuel U. Rodgers Health Center – a federally qualified health center in Kansas City, Missouri.

You see, as Barbara Brodsky stated so clearly, “Its not the agitation that is a problem, its the aversion to the agitation.”

Barbra continued, “The mind that is constantly worried about it is not part of the solution. The mind in stillness is.”

And then, “The only way we can resolve any of this is within ourselves.”

On the first day of the retreat, Saturday, October 29. 2022, Jackson (our 22 month old great grandson) had a seizure in the parking garage of Children’s Hospital at Erlanger in Chattanooga, Tennessee, where he had been admitted on the evening of Monday, October 24. He was airlifted to Vanderbilt University Medical Center in Nashville, Tennessee.

On the last day of the retreat, Saturday, November 5, 2022, he was re-admitted into PICU and placed on a vent.

“Sometimes you can not fix it. Sometimes you are living life one strobe light after another…” Aaron was speaking of Barbara’s having been awakened shortly after falling asleep many times hour-after-hour by a flashing, vibrating, strobe light. “She could not control the outcome. She could control what was inside her own heart.”

The folks in Kansas City are justified in being frustrated by the snafu in the system that leaves entire populations under-served and individual persons with less-than-optimal lives. But, every moment of agitation adds agitation to the universe. The world’s waters are chaotic.

Barbara Marx Hubbard told folks to ask what you are born to do and then follow the compass of joy. Samuel Ulysses Rodgers did just that. (See: More Than a Doctor: The Extraordinary Life of Samuel Ulysses Rodgers) The book demonstrates, through family stories of triumph over adversity, that core family values are the cornerstone of character essential to integrity-filled leadership.

Rodgers is not the only one who has a destiny to make a difference. One of India’s greatest spiritual teachers, Neem Karoli Baba, opened Larry’s heart and told him his destiny was to work for the World Health Organization to help eradicate killer smallpox. He would never have believed he would become a key player in eliminating a 10,000-year-old disease that killed more than half a billion people in the 20th century alone. Larry’s story, and his last name, is chronicled in Sometimes Brilliant: The Impossible Adventure of a Spiritual Seeker and Visionary Physician Who Helped Conquer the Worst Disease in History. Check out his TED talks about smallpox and Covid, and see if you might want to buy the book.

More importantly, please buy the truth: every moment of agitation adds agitation to the universe.

Thinking outside of the box, moving through experiences with presence, having an open heart, listening without judgment — these are the transformative results of RESTING.

Resting. Not wrestling.

I laugh about the many iterations of what we call everything other than allopathic medicine: alternative (coined by the AMA), holistic, integrative, functional…. the best comment I ever heard was when someone asked a doctor whether he practiced holistic medicine. He said, “Medicine is either effective or ineffective, nothing else.” Whether patient, doctor, nurse, care-giver — it is clear the system is in chaos. I could write a book about the ways a one-size-fits-all approach works (as well as with pantyhose). But, wrestling with it only strengthens it.

When I was a spokesperson for (at that time) holistic health in our wider community, I would say that a true holistic model considered the best of the West, and all of the rest.

My friend, Anna Marie, said imagine living with awareness of the wisdom within: “Somewhere in that person’s life, he or she has available the next thing needed.” I have said it only slightly differently: “There is no right thing for every one, but there is a right thing for this person at this moment.”

The love and support that is holding space for our Jackson is palpable. You could walk across water and never get wet we are being so held up. We do not know what the next moment will bring for him, or for us.

Jackon enjoying reading with G-pa
at Vanderbilt Tuesday, November 8, 2022.

What do I want to bring to the next moment? Awareness. Presence. An open heart.

Flight of the Garuda conveys the heart advice of one of the most beloved nonsectarian masters of Tibet, Shabkar.

This self awareness is naturally free from the very first. How amazing that it is liberated by just resting — at ease in whatever happens!
~ The Flight of the Garuda

November 12, 2022
Birds at Oakwood
The 8-day silent meditation retreat will take more than one Yellow Brick Road to share with readers. Day One included 22-month old, Jackson, our great grandson, being air-lifted from the hospital in Chattanooga to Vanderbilt after he had a seizure in the parking garage following discharge.

Day Eight is complete with nurse Linda diagnosing the rash I have been plagued with all week as likely a yeast infection. I will spare you photos of that, but more about both of these strong catalysts are sure to appear at a later date….

Birds were an active part of my inner process this past week, so I will share with you their respective totem meanings in the order of their appearance:

1. Chickadee Meaning

Lots of Chickadees were in the grasses out back when I went for a short walk on dinner break of the Deep Spring Center Oakwood-at-home retreat with Barbara Brodsky and John Orr, and a host of spirit friends, as well as dharma sisters and brothers.

People with the chickadee totem animal are fiercely protective of their “flock.” This manifests itself as vigilance which can at times become excessive. It is crucial that people with this totem animal learn to recognize the difference between healthy caution and anxiety.

Chickadee tells you to be cheerful and hold your head up in all situations. You can transform your life and dictate your outcomes by thinking positively.

Click to hear the Chickadee.

2. Swan Meaning

Each day I would choose a “touch” stone. I held the swan rose quartz on Monday.

You become aware of your own inner beauty. You also unfold the ability to bridge to other realms and powers. The swan medicine helps you see the beauty of yourself as well as of others despite outer appearances. And that ability makes you like a ‘magnet’ that draws other people to you.

3. Woodpecker Meaning

The woodpecker teaches us to look beneath the surface of things and to open up our minds to the hidden meanings, lessons, and opportunities that life on earth has to offer.

4. Blue Jay Meaning

Blue Jays relate to everything from strength to confidence to communication, depending on the context in which you see them. For some, these birds have the reputation of being loud, aggressive, and mean. However, certain cultures see them as lucky or a symbol of good things to come.

5. Crow Meaning

Crows show up to let you know that there are spiritual shifts happening around you and remind you to pay attention to the spiritual messages that are sent to guide you. They represent transformation, cycles, psychic tools, and insight into unseen realms. Crows are problem solvers and can help you tune into a solution when you are faced with a challenge.

6. Sparrow Meaning

As the carillon at Pilgrim UCC church on the corner nearby began playing, the Sparrows in the shrub just outside my window began to sing right along! I noted in my retreat journal that this was happening, and clearly I heard in my mind, “Would you miss my sweet song just because I’m so ordinary?”

Surprising Sparrow facts.

The sparrow totem animal is connected with unity, selflessness, and integrity. People with the sparrow as their totem tend to be great team players…

The House Sparrow (Passer domesticus) is, in fact, one of the most common and widespread animals on this planet. Although our familiarity with these birds often desensitizes us to their beauty, these common birds are no less fascinating and beautiful.

Sacred to the goddess Aphrodite of the Greek pantheon, to Vishnu in Hindu mythology, and both Branwen and Rhiannon in Welsh mythology, the sparrow’s common nature has earned it a place in cultural traditions around the world.

7. Blue Grosbeak Meaning

Okay, the Blue Grosbeak sighting was in the wonderful article by my friend, Hart Rufe. His article posted on November 1, but I just saw it today after the end of the retreat. You can access the column at: https://www.stlucieaudubon.org/hart-beat-2022. New with this column is access to all past columns right in the top of the current page

Symbolic of many things, including faith, adaptability, romance, and good news; the grosbeak is an endless source of wisdom. Like all birds, grosbeaks teach us to appreciate the beauty and blessings of the natural world. Different grosbeak colors have different symbolic meanings. Rose feathers symbolize emotions and they tell you to find a heart song that will heal your pain. Blue and green feathers signify abundance, fortune, harmony, and the possibility of a wedding.

It is my sacred intention for that wedding to be a union of each human being with the higher self. May the benefits of this retreat be a blessing to all beings.

Thank you, Claudia Mierau, for sharing this beautiful poem from the book, Go In and In, by Danna Faulds.
November 5, 2022
My Side

Where has the month of February gone? I know one week of it was spent with a friend who was going through a painful time. Without sharing personal details, suffice it to say, it is easy for some people to pretend they are something they are not.

What did “he” think? For sure, he knew he was making promises he would not keep.

This image (from the Brahma Kumaris’ Thought for Today) was accompanied by these words:

Just because you are right,
does not mean I am wrong.
You just haven’t seen it from my side.

From her side, she was honest, open, vulnerable.

One thing I can say for sure: She did not lose anything by being authentic, but it is very likely that he lost a lot by not being…

February 12, 2017
You Cannot Lose Him

This post was started a couple of days ago as a tender musing around Wednesday evening’s passing of my dear friend’s 42 year old son. Out in the field, watering his beloved drought-stressed trees with his father, Kalvin was stung by a bee or wasp. Known to be very allergic, Kalvin hopped in the truck and took off to the house to get his epi pen. He made it to the house, and he used his pen, but it was too late. His father, having had to walk in from the field, found Kalvin unconscious on the kitchen floor. They tried to revive him, but he was pronounced dead at the hospital.

Wednesday, at 10:35 PM, Kalvin’s mom had sent me a text message with three life-altering words: Kalvin is dead.

Driving from Kalamazoo to St. Joseph early Thursday morning to be with Linda, I listened to the talk I had given at Unity on the Lakeshore October 25, 2015—the morning after our family had completed the family-run estate sale for my mother-in-law, who had passed just three weeks earlier. The title of that talk was “Celebrations of Life.”

As the mile markers counted down from 72 to 27, I had a felt sense an expanded theology was stabilizing in my broken heart and my swirling mind. I had a sense, just as Linda would never be the same, nor would I.

Saturday, a wonderful friend, who often receives sacred messages from those in spirit, sent this message from Kalvin, to his mom:

Hi Debra – Would you pass on a message to Linda, if you think it’s appropriate. Kalvin wants her to know that he made it “Home” safely and she can stop worrying. He would also like to thank the large contingent of loved ones that bid him “Bon Voyage” and to let everyone know there was an even bigger group waiting to welcome him Home. “It was quite the party.”

He says that he is so grateful having Linda watch over him all these years and now it is HIS turn to watch over her and the rest of the family. Please let Linda know that even when it appeared that he was in pain, he was able to” remove himself” from it.

He would have her know that he had a great time while he was “here” and he wouldn’t change even one experience including his method of transition. He would also have her know that he is no more than a “whisper” away and to be on the lookout for him. She will “know” when he is around.

He is very insistent that I get this out right away. As a matter of fact. I had to stop in the middle of cleaning the garage so he would leave me alone. He’s a bit pushy when he wants something done………just kidding………….Love & Peace, Mike

Linda’s response to my having sent Mike’s words to her was significant, “Oh Debra. Thank Mike for me. I heard Kalvin say ‘I love you Mom’ already.” I may need to remind her of this truth again. I will remember…

Sunday, the church was filled with co-workers, neighbors, friends and family, and Wiley—Kalvin’s faithful four-legged companion. Love poured out from the eyes of many. Pastor David Stout gave everyone permission to cry, and he asked us to be faithful in providing ongoing care for one another. I will remember… He said we wont get over the passing of Kalvin, but we will get through it.

At the service, Linda’s dear friend, Kathy Zerler, shared this poignant guided meditation she wrote as a tribute to Kalvin.

A Guided Meditation for Kalvin K. Higbee

You are invited to settle in for a moment of meditation in Kalvin’s honor and memory…please close your eyes and relax, as you listen…

Imagine that you are walking in Higbee’s orchards, the trees are heavy with fruit and so fragrant that you slow down and stop to inhale the sweetness of fresh peaches. Nearby, plowed fields are ripe with cantaloupes and watermelons.

It is a warm summer day in Millburg. Sunflowers are blooming next to cockscomb in Kalvin’s flower garden. The contrast of yellow and black sunflowers bring to mind Vincent Van Gogh’s painting of sunflowers, at once reclusive and joyful, impressionistic, lasting forever in your mind. The soft magentas and reds of the cockscomb give you pause, and you stop again to admire Mother Nature’s magnificent color palette that Kalvin crafted into a lasting legacy of growth and renewal. You feel the warmth of sun on your face as you appreciate the delicate efforts that Kalvin made in planting and nurturing God’s perfect flowers, knowing that they worked together with angels to make Higbee Farm a place of blessings and everlasting peace.

Beyond the orchards and fields you gaze at the sky; it is limitless, one with the soil, part of our earth. There is no end to the sky and the soil. Like the generations of farmers before him, Kalvin was drawn to this. He spent endless days caring for fruits, flowers and vegetables that give us sustenance. Kalvin planted, fertilized, watched and waited for sweet corn knee high by the fourth of July, sweet and hot peppers, Brussels sprouts, kohlrabi, bountiful beans and squashes. Imagine Kalvin walking barefoot in the warm troughs between the rows, see him now enjoying the gently swaying flowers, the fruits and vegetables thriving under his care. Farming is a generous gift, one that Kalvin delighted in sharing with his family and friends.

You feel grateful for having Kalvin in your life. You open your mind now to what this day may give you. The many gifts that Kalvin gave you are in your heart now and forever. If only for a moment, all of your sadness is washed away. You do not chase after your sadness, but allow your grief to come and to go as long as you need it; you understand that Kalvin’s ending on our earth is a new beginning for him, and for you.

In Kalvin’s honor and memory, you decide to live like a flower. You make a conscious decision to be colorful, to smell good, to stretch toward the light, to hydrate yourself, to allow yourself to go dormant once in a while, to open your petals in the morning and to wrap your leaves around you at night. You are as necessary as every flower; and when you grow together with others, your world becomes a garden. Please say a silent prayer for Kalvin K. Higbee.

Kathy Zerler August 14, 2016

Sunday morning, I opened my email and read this powerful message from Aaron, channeled through Barbara Brodsky:

Your loved one is not dead,

he has only left his human form.

He is now expressing himself through you,

through your growing open heart that can allow itself the experience of grief

and allow that grief to become a catalyst for compassion.

He is expressing himself through you in all the ways he spoke to you in your life,

the joys and the sorrows.

He is expressing himself through every human that he touched in this lifetime.

And he is in the soil and the stars and the rain and the sun.

You cannot lose him.

~ Aaron

Yes, our lives are deeply affected by the passing of Kalvin from this world to the next, and our lives are deeply affected by knowing that he is in the soil and the stars and the rain and the sun. You cannot lose him. RIP Kalvin Kenneth Higbee. I will remember…

August 15, 2016