My stomach’s rumbling reminded me it was almost dinner when I noticed a woman moving swiftly from door-to-door across the street from our home here in Glenaire. It caught my attention firstly because neither of the two houses are currently occupied. Directly across, friends are navigating health challenges that have prevented them thus far returning from their snow-bird location. And a new-build adjacent is yet to be purchased.

I could see a vehicle parked in front of our house and a man came onto our porch but then quickly dashed away. Opening the door, I saw a handbill had been taped onto the glass. “There is no solicitation in the park,” I called out to him.

“It is not a solicitation, it is a courtesy,” he called back.

There was the logo of a roofing company, announcing they would be putting on a roof two doors down, apologizing for noise, saying it would be done in one day. The phone number of the company was at the bottom. “It looks a lot like solicitation to me,” I said while I went down the steps to return the paper. He muttered something about it looking however, and saying I could refuse the courtesy if I wanted to as he started walking quickly in the opposite direction.

It was not a pleasant interaction so I decided to grab my phone and get the license plate. The woman had crossed the street by this time and she started hustling back my way calling loudly, “Karen!” I asked if she had gotten permission from the management, and when she called me Karen again, I asked why she kept calling me something other than my name. “Look it up, Karen!” she yelled, adding, “Don’t bother calling the manager, I am going there myself.”

An internet search informed me “Karen” is a pejorative slang term used to describe a person—typically a middle-aged white woman—perceived as entitled, demanding, and overly indignant. The term is used to call out behavior that abuses privilege, such as demanding to “speak to the manager,” making racist or discriminatory remarks, or harassing others in public.

Hmmm…. her behavior was certainly not very professional! I did call the park manager, and she had gotten to the office before my call. I clarified that her notifying the office of their “courtesy” only took place after my exchange with them. I asked him if he would have given them permission had they stopped before. He said he would have told them there was no solicitation allowed but he would notify the neighbors himself.

I was shocked how dis-regulated my central nervous system was by the exchange. But the painful and the pleasant can be a dance duo.

This morning, sharing text with my niece about the anniversary of my father’s (her grandfather’s) passing on May 7, 1992, we spoke our gratitude of his having found sobriety before my sisters and I had children. The grandchildren were spared. She wrote, “Mom and I both benefited from Neil T. Anderson’s work. One of the ways he summarized the Biblical principle of forgiveness/unforgiveness is how when we forgive, it lets that person off our hook (no more control or connection) but it doesn’t let them off the Lord’s hook (whatever unrepentant sin they have in their lives, they will be accountable for).” This shows up clearly in the teachings about karma. My dad’s active alcoholism was very unpleasant. His decades of sobriety before his death was very pleasant.

A few days ago welcome warm air waffled into the house through the open windows as flies were also getting in. The pleasant and the unpleasant dance as a duo. After catching and releasing 4 flies (also seeing John kill one with the flyswatter) I looked up the spiritual meaning and read:

The spiritual meaning of a fly combines contrasting themes of relentless persistence and survival with messages of decay, negativity, and spiritual impurity. It symbolizes the need to adapt, overcome obstacles, and examine one’s life for negativity.

As my eyes and heart took the unpleasant and the pleasant in, what was revealed was grace and forgiveness. I recalled a time in my life when financial fears and genuine desire to help hurting people resulted in my seeing clients by circumventing the health insurance system. My actions, like this roofing company’s, were in a while-not-quite-illegal-definitely-not-fully-ethical manner.

That neighbor’s new roof went on yesterday. How am I like this too? Awareness with non-judgment is healing….