Debra Basham

Living and Loving

Tag: A Course in Miracles

  • Nothing to Attain

    We are so brief.
    A one-day dandelion.
    A seedpod skittering across the ice.
    We are a feather falling from the wing of a bird.
    I don’t know why it is given to us to be so mortal
    and to feel so much. It is a cruel trick, and glorious.

    ~ Louise Eldrich

    We looked at sacred darkness and emptiness a LOT over the five-day intensive that finished about dinner time yesterday. During those five-days humans were living this. Joan was with Bob at the hospital. Pneumonia. His dementia complicates things further. He would be going to a care facility rather than coming home. For how long? Virginia had Paul to ER. Bleeding. Awaiting emergency surgery for a massively enlarged prostate. Barbara Brodsky‘s carefully selected caregiver for her husband, Hal, had to call off when his young daughter tested positive for Covid. The second had to call off when his wife was hospitalized and he was in charge of their 18-month old. John is in a sciatica flare, and we have to cancel the 24-hour ambulatory blood pressure study he was scheduled to start this morning because he cannot ambulate right now.

    The opening line from Aaron this morning: “People seek safety, and they believe that safety is in stability and no change.”

    During this intensive we were encouraged to let ourselves go into the darkness and learn to be the light. Profound sadness washed over me as I had total cellular memory of surgery in 1992 to correct my having been born tongue-tied. A lingual frenectomy removes a band of tissue that connects the underside of the tongue with the bottom of the mouth. At birth, this is a relatively simple procedure. I was forty-two years old….

    I felt the depth of the trauma from the point of view of the tongue. It was traumatized by the surgery. Then it was lost. It was not able to get back to the familiar. It did not feel like it belonged and it did not know what to do. Thirty years later, I am noticing the stress in my jaw and the pull to the side of my neck, aware now that this has been a chronic situation.

    I cried, reporting all of this to my dharma family in Group 2. I heard the words and I recognized the correlation to the human incarnation. Even the simple shift from living in the fluid world of the womb to the instability of the room is traumatic. Sounds are startling, light is harsh, energies feel like an assault.

    Aaron quoted from Dante’s Inferno: In the middle of the journey of our life, I came to myself, in a dark wood, where the direct way was lost. It is a hard thing to speak of, how wild, harsh and impenetrable that wood was, so that thinking of it recreates the fear.

    Humans see and feel so much, often it appears too much to process, and, yes, it can feel like a cruel trick.

    One beloved introduced us to Jeff Foster’s “Guru of Darkness” on his Facebook post. Jeff’s writing was woven into our intensive with the skill of a world-class weaver.

    …we are not here to destroy, eradicate, fix, transcend, or even ‘heal’ our darkness — the grief, the terror, the anger, the shame, those deep feelings of guilt from childhood. For these are just places in ourselves that we haven’t been willing or able to illumine yet. They are not inherently evil, sinful or dangerous. (www.lifewithoutacentre.com)

    Another beloved suggested speaking to the contraction of the self where there is suffering, “I feel you. I love you. I care, and this is important.” I have begun speaking this to my tongue and jaw and neck. I can be patient since we have thirty years of my ignorance to soften the impact from.

    “I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do something that I can do.” ~ Edward Everett Hale, American Author

    “To see myself as on a journey through the universe is delusional. To come to know myself as the universe journeying is awakening.” ~ Falling into Grace by Adyashanti

    Letting my heart open to the pain and loss that had been pushed away or ignored or deflected led me right to the heart of SCS, which has not been active since 2012 following the surgery I had to remove the ovarian mass. The Osho Zen Tarot card (8 of Water Letting Go) so direct: A recognition that something is finished, something is completing, whatever it is — a job, a relationship, a home you have loved, anything that might have helped define who you are — it is time to let go of it, allowing any sadness but not trying to hold on.

    SCS was all of that: a job, a relationship, a home I have loved (and the cats I have loved), and my identity.

    The Osho card continues, You are past the point of no return now, and gravity is doing its work. Go with it — it represents liberation.

    We were guided in the meditation by Aaron: “There is nothing you can hold onto forever except the essence of your being, and you do not hold onto that, you simply are that. This is your truth; this is what you are. I move ahead of my own free will, with the intention of releasing suffering in this universe, of helping beings wake up — including myself…. This is my intention to support release of suffering, an increase of happiness for all sentient beings.”

    OMG – All semester I have thought of Aaron’s teaching the SCS material Joel and Debra developed from Steven Karpman’s Drama Triangle. I write in my journal: It’s not Aaron teaching Debra’s material, Debra has been teaching the dharma as Aaron does!

    I look down at my Fitbit and it shows 9,999 steps. I don’t want to move but I have to move to reach my goal…. I dig out a CD and listen to Everlasting Peace, my own voice telling me “Circumstances have changed and it is time now to look to new directions to learn how to fly once more….”

    The last morning of the five-day intensive, Barbara shares that the mother of the caregiver who had been pulling the weight of the week as Barbara was teaching the intensive fell overnight and broke her hip….

    As Barbara says, “There is always going to be something. If it needs to slide away; let it slide away.” Barbara begins to share her process of coming back to the light right there in the darkness. Although deaf and off tune, we listen to her chant:

      Hari Om, Dear One,
      Sat Nam, holy name
      When I call on the Light in my Heart,
      I come home

    Mary Magdelene incorporates and notices Barbara’s voice is hoarse from so much teaching time this week. Mary takes a sip of water, then tells us there is never any hurry. She quotes a poem by Karen Weber: I am the place where god shines through, where god and I are one not two. Mary tells us that our beloved teacher, Aaron, was so helpful because he was not yet fully awake but he knew how to not get caught up in negativity. To see the negative story as it is, and to know that right there with fear there is love. Hari Om. When I call on the love in my heart, I come home. Mary tells us to just keep coming home. To remember why you have come. To hold the darkness as a sacred energy. There is nothing more powerful than love.

    My closing sharing was to see that what is in the way is the way. I mentioned Jana Stanfield’s song If I Were Brave and how we know we are all brave became we came! Someone quoted Nelson Mandela’s quoting Marianne Williamson:

      “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
      ― Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of “A Course in Miracles”

    I do a drawing from the question, “What is released as we fully manifest the true self?”


    I can’t find the beginning and wonder if that mean none exists.

    I write Mary’s last question to us: “At the end of attaining, what remains?”

    An answer comes, “The tapestry of attending to without giving it substance.”

    I title the drawing from the Heart Sutra: for there is nothing to attain.

  • New Frontiers

      Sometimes people get the mistaken notion
      that spirituality is a separate department of life,
      the penthouse of existence.

      But rightly understood,
      it is a vital awareness
      that pervades
      all realms of our being.

      ~Br. David Steindl-Rast

    Today, it is this beautiful planet we call home that calls us home to our hearts. We are being asked to plant seeds of wisdom and love. I told John today one could consider if you are hearing or reading something that is stating who or what was or is to blame about anything, to please just consider this: Anyone can win the game of Monday-Morning-Quarterbacking. It is the coaching before and during the game that makes the difference.

    I have been patient (mostly) with the world around me. While not first in THE world, I was first in my world to not allow smoking in my home. While not first in THE world, I was first in my world to save things believing they would some day be recycled.

    I have been asking John for years to consider a more environmentally friendly yard. It makes little sense to spend time, energy, and money to kill what flourishes naturally, then invest more to plant things that cost even more to be fed and watered to survive and contribute little to myriad species called nature.

    But we are where we are: we are where wild fires rage and tropical storms blow: too much or too little wind or rain. The following powerful excerpt is from the Seattle retreat in the fall of 2019 (reviewed and with some additions and edits on 09-14-20). It was just posted on the Deep Spring Meditation Center Facebook page, and it is so timely.

    Aaron: These fires in California deeply concern me, not just for the immediate damage they are doing, burning people’s homes and so forth — although it is sad that people are losing their homes, their livelihood, even and especially their lives — but for what it’s doing to the energetic and spiritual environment. To me, if people choose to live in an area where there will be a likelihood of such fires, they know that this can happen to them. But the trees did not thusly choose. Well, yes, the trees agreed to grow there, but they agreed to grow there not to be burned away but to help support a wholesome environment.

    They agreed to grow there with no foreknowledge of man’s thoughtlessness of the environment. It was a possibility but not yet a fact. The earth is ancient and the short-lived choices of mankind are more recent. And so, the Earth is getting a different message. Trees and other vegetable life are beginning to say, “Maybe it’s not safe to be here on the Earth. We are not cherished as we need to be in order to flourish. Maybe it’s time for us to shift ourselves to some other kind of evolutionary space where we may evolve with love.” Such a shift or even thought to shift is going to further downgrade the Earth’s environment. Just as man destroys the environment for certain animal species, he can destroy it for trees, and even for the elements themselves.

    Once these fires are under control and out, I’d like to see large teams of people going into the woods, into the charred roads, thanking the earth, thanking the trees, and planting seedlings. With a strong commitment, speaking to the seedlings; speaking to each from their heart, “Thank you for making a new attempt to grow here. We will try very hard to cherish you, to take care of you and the environment in which you grow.”

    It is not only our planet that is suffering. Our emotional bodies are going through these turbulent times as well. After the wildfires of anger and jealousy, fear and disdain, it is imperative we are willing to plant seedlings of forgiveness, wisdom, kindness and compassion.

    One morning after we finished (virtually) sitting together in meditation, I shared a deep and precious conversation with Bob. Bob mentioned “A Course of Love”, describing it as sort of like the sequel to A Course in Miracles. “There are several chapters you can read for free,” he said.

    ACIM was one of the bridges over troubled water when my spirituality out-grew the religion of Christianity in which I had met and committed my life to Jesus.

    From Chapter 14: New Frontiers Beyond the Body and Mind, Form and Time, A Course of Love – The Dialogues:

    What might this situation look like if I forgot everything I have previously known about similar situations, and looked at this in a new way?

    Do I really need to worry about this situation, or can I affect this situation simply by not worrying about it and allowing it to be and unfold as it will?

    While I realize that the facts would tell me this or that is true, I wonder what would happen if I disregarded the facts and was open to this being something else?

    There is so much to disregard. Our old habits, thoughts, beliefs and actions are being invited to surrender. In The Language of Letting Go, Daily Meditations on Codependency Melody Beattie affirms: “We relinquish our tight hold and our need to control in our relationships. We take responsibility for ourselves; we allow others to do the same. We detach with the understanding that life is unfolding exactly as it needs to, for others and ourselves. The way life unfolds is good, even when it hurts. And ultimately, we can benefit from even the most difficult situations. We do this with the understanding that a Power greater than ourselves is in charge, and all is well.”

    I whisper to all sentient beings that we will do our best. We are able to cherish life and summon that vital awareness that pervades all realms of our being into new frontiers….

  • The Aftermath

    You see, I have this weird, but in my experience, validated faith that if I surrender myself to my own words, the ones that came without too much cogitation or premeditation, they will lead me to a place I didn’t know I’d be visiting; they will show me 1) What I didn’t know was on my mind when I started, and 2) What I didn’t know I knew about that particular subject.

    Sydney Lea, page 195, The Crafty Poet: A Portable Workshop, by Diane Lockward.

    Sitting in my Snowbird Poets group, I placed my fingers on the keyboard barely breathing and witnessed The Aftermath.

    Time is nonexistent, Dear One, non-exist-ant

    Standing barefoot
    I am aware
    of things I am too young to know

    Stripped of my innocence
    when he climbed on top of me
    in the courtyard
    beneath the Viburnum

    That snowball bush was in full bloom
    while I was not
    yet
    but soon would be

    Ten years later
    I hear from some
    deep drug-induced fog:
    “If we don’t get her awake
    she is never going to
    have this baby!”

    Then: “It’s a girl!”

    53 years later
    my twenty-year-old granddaughter
    takes off on a bicycle
    as a sinking feeling
    of fear
    flashed fast across my face

    Of course, she was right
    I would have let her brothers go—
    without so much as a second thought

    But the Viburnum will bloom
    again and again
    unlike a young girl’s innocence

    Debra Basham 03-18-2019

    See Processing.

    Pearl Bailey says there’s a period of life where we swallow a knowledge of ourselves and it becomes either good or sour inside.

    Bailey’s words sing the truth. I had come from a legacy of women who had worn the shackles of sexual shame. My mother had a first marriage she did not tell us about, and I did not learn until I was in my forties that she had discovered she had a sexually transmitted disease at the same time she found out she was pregnant for me.

    I became pregnant on New Years Eve, three weeks before I turned sweet sixteen on January 22, 1966. I got married, and I was forced to leave high school in tenth grade. (See Loved and Wanted: Listen to Your Mother.)

    My daughter, and my granddaughter have carried that legacy of sexual shame, but none of us need carry it any longer. It is time for all women to be free….

    A Course In Miracles

    LESSON 60

    God is the Love in which I forgive.

    God does not forgive because He has never condemned. The blameless cannot blame, and those who have accepted their inno­cence see nothing to forgive. Yet forgiveness is the means by which I will recognize my innocence. It is the reflection of God’s Love on earth. It will bring me near enough to Heaven that the Love of God can reach down to me and raise me up to Him.

    I do not have written permission to share these words from Each Day a New Beginning: Daily Meditations for Women by Karen Casey © 1982, 1991 by Hazelden Foundation, but the message must be shared:

    For too many of us, feelings of shame, even self-hatred, are paramount. No one of us has a fully untarnished past. Every man, every woman, even every child experiences regret over some action. We are not perfect. Perfection is not expected in the Divine plan. But we are expected to take our experiences and grow from them, to move beyond the shame of them, to celebrate what they have taught us.

    Each day offers us a fresh start at assimilating all that we have been. What has gone before enriches who we are now, and through the many experiences we’ve survived, we have been prepared to help others, to smooth the way for another woman, perhaps, who is searching for a new direction.

    We can let go of our shame and know instead that it sweetens the nuggets of the wisdom we can offer to others. We are alike. We are not without faults. Our trials help another to smoother sailing.

    I will relish the joy at hand. I can share my wisdom. All painful pasts brighten someone’s future, when openly shared.

  • The Appearance of Things

    It has been three years since I first watched the film Cloud Atlas, yet, after watching it again this week my fingers move over the keys trying to create an outlet for my unspeakable emotions. I confess that the watching did not cause my emotions, but it has amplified feelings long buried within my psyche.

    If you, like me, need a refresher about the film, you can access that September 2013 blog post:”Answer the Call.”

    The timing of this watching (and the depth of emotions) might be amplified by current events. One friend is dancing on the edge of duress anticipating a double mastectomy on Tuesday. Another friend has just received a diagnosis of leukemia for her young son.

    A few days ago when I opened The 50 Miracle Principles of A Course in Miracles, by Kenneth Wapnick, Ph.D., I read these words: Just as the body cannot be healed because the body was never sick, the body cannot rise from the dead because the body never died.

    If you are new to the Course, it is important to understand that a core premise is that the world as we experience it is a delusion of the mind. In Indian teachings, this is called illusion, or Māyā. A simple way to think about it is to notice how a state of impermanence permeates everything in our experience. According to Wikipedia, “that which exists, but is constantly changing and thus is spiritually unreal.”

    Martin L. Rossman, M.D., addresses faith healing, placebo effects, and imagery in Healing Yourself: A Step-by-Step Program for Better Health Through Imagery. Rossman writes of meeting Edna, who had been refusing medical treatment, saying that Jesus was going to heal her. He asked her how she communicated with Jesus, and then suggested she ask Jesus to heal her in the next six weeks, agreeing to tests at that time, and to treatment, if necessary.

    Six weeks later she returned. The examination and the tests showed nothing abnormal!

    Norman Cousins healed himself by taking Vitamin C and watching Marx Brothers movies and Candid Camera shows.

    Brandon Bays healed herself of a massive tumor in six weeks, with no surgery and no drugs.

    Whatever it is that allows some people to regain health after encountering a serious diagnosis, it is undeniable: our mind, body, spirit, and emotions are interwoven.

    I sent my friend this dentist skit where Tim Conway is the would-be dentist and Harvey Korman is the patient. Every time I watch it, I laugh so hard my stomach aches.



    I also sent Red Skelton and Carol Burnett, and suggested she search for “Babies laughing at dogs.” I told her to watch and laugh for half an hour, then go to bed with her sweet puppy dog. It feels wonderful to laugh. We probably all need to laugh more. And pets are sooooo healing! These are important things to remember.

    And it is vitally important to know we have help. My friend/colleague Dr. Douglas Busby just released his new book Spiritual Healing: Help from the Spirit World. Doug will be signing books at a talk on Sunday, November 13, 2016, at 3:30 pm, here in St. Joseph. Let me know if you are interested in attending.

    For sure, it helps to remember nothing lasts forever, and what’s more, everything is nothing, including you and me.

    We live in an illusion and the appearance of things.
    There is a reality. You are that reality.
    When you understand this, you see that you are nothing,
    and being nothing, you are everything. That is all.
    ~ Kalu Rinpoche