Debra Basham

Living and Loving

Category: Sacred Stories

Contains sacred stories

  • A Motto for Living Life

    The times are urgent; let us slow down.

    ~ African Saying

    He still had not found his coffee cup from a few days earlier although he distinctly remembered putting it in his car when he was leaving his friends’ home. The kitchen still dark, reaching into the cupboard to get yet another one, this time he pulls out hers.

    It was not just daylight that came with the dawn, it was also dawning on him that her mug was offering him another message:

      A Motto for Living Life

      Don’t ever be afraid to try
      to make things better: you might
      be surprised at the results.
      Don’t ever forget that achievement
      isn’t as hard as it seems.
      Don’t ever stop loving,
      don’t ever stop believing,
      don’t ever stop dreaming your dreams.
      ~ Laine Parsons

    Very unusual things are happening…. Going through the files in her desk he was getting to know her more deeply than he had known her within their life together of over 24 years. Her life was large. He could see now how much he had missed. Her passion for our world was compelling. He longed to share her vision for justice with the masses. He could imagine Ken Burns producing her story: Women’s Suffrage 2.0….

    She died one month ago today. One-twelfth of one year. It all seemed so otherworldly. He was drinking in her motto for living life.

    “It was a long time ago now. And it was yesterday.” ~ Kate Atkinson, Life After Life

  • Mr. Rogers Mug

    He could not find his coffee cup. He knew he had had it in the car when he had driven to a friend’s to bike from her home. The biking and sharing was part of his processing the grief.

    Maybe he had left his coffee cup on her porch.

    He went to the kitchen to get another cup.

    His eyes went right to the Mr. Rogers mug!

    He began to read the messages:

      “It’s a good feeling to be with you.”

      “When we can talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting, and less SCARY.”

      “Often when you think you’re at the end of something you’re at the beginning of something else.”

    Everything, absolutely everything, seemed to be helping him get through this challenging time. As his biking friend told him, “We don’t get over grief, we get through it…. because our loved ones leave their bodies but they don’t leave us.”

    This is the way Mr. Rogers says it on the mug:

      “Infinity just is and that’s the way I think love is, too.”

  • Seven Little Girls Sitting in the Backseat

    Fred was navigating the grief journey after his beloved had passed very suddenly (following a time of chronic health challenges) just four weeks ago. He had spent the evening with good friends who invited one of their neighbors to join them as a fourth for pizza and cards.

    They spoke openly of Fred’s journey, and shared the food and cards, along with some heartfelt laughter when the neighbor broke into song, making light fun of the lyrics of the Mac Davis song, “It’s Hard to be Humble.”

      Oh Lord it’s hard to be humble
      When you’re perfect in every way
      I can’t wait to look in the mirror
      Cause I get better looking each day
      To know me is to love me
      I must be a hell of a man
      Oh Lord It’s hard to be humble,
      But I’m doing the best that I can

    Later that night — at home alone, processing soooooo much — those lyrics became an earworm for him. (According to Wikipedia, an earworm or brainworm, also described as sticky music or stuck song syndrome, is a catchy or memorable piece of music or saying that continuously occupies a person’s mind even after it is no longer being played or spoken about.)

    When that earworm led to a second, Seven Little Girls Sitting in the Back Seat, by Paul Evans the chorus became a mantra:

      Keep you mind on your driving
      Keep you hands on the wheel
      Keep your snoopy eyes on the road ahead
      We’re having fun sitting in the back seat kissing and a-hugging with Fred

    It was as if she was giving him guidance to navigate his grief, making sure he knows — maybe especially now — it is vitally important to be having fun….

  • A Profound Truth

    She had received an email of condolence following the passing of a friend from heart failure. In her thank-you reply she shared a few more details including that her friend’s younger son had died of a bee sting at the age of 42, leaving her friend truly heart broken.

    “Her son will be thrilled to greet her….”

    Something about this idea did not sit softly so she wrote back, “I wish we didn’t just think of a reunion happening when we lay the body down but more understand the ongoing love across the veil. Do you know the Abler Soul work? I deeply resonate with it.”

    She sent a link to Sounds True Cynthia Bourgeault: When Two Become One: Love Beyond Death.

    https://resources.soundstrue.com/transcript/cynthia-bourgeault-when-two-become-one-love-beyond-death/?print=print

    Early the next morning she opened to the following message from Neale Donald Walsch, author of the Conversations with God series:

    On this day of your life I believe God wants you to know that there is a family reunion awaiting you, and you will be more overjoyed than you can now begin to imagine.

    On the day you leave your body — what I like to call your Continuation Day you will be greeted by everyone you have ever loved in any way for any reason… and, standing in front of the group, every person who has been so very dear to you. It will be a grand and glorious reunion, with joy and laughter and pure wonderment filling every heart and soul!

    This has also been experienced by everyone who has ever left here — all those who have gone before you — of course.

    So do not grieve for them. They are so very happy!

    I’m not sure why you were meant to hear this on this particular day…but I bet you are…

    Oh, yes, totally clear why she was meant to hear it on this particular day. She was having a conversation with God!

    As Niels Bohr said, “The opposite of a fact is falsehood, but the opposite of one profound truth may very well be another profound truth.”

  • Missing Metformin

    It was odd that he would doze off while they watched a bit of TV after dinner. He had done that a lot before being diagnosed with and treated for sleep apnea — but not since he had begun using a CPAP. He was faithful using it every night and even for his afternoon naps.

    This dozing had been happening for a few days. She thought back over the dinner menu, wondering if it been too heavy on carbs as he was also being treated for Type 2 diabetes.

    Saying softly, “You are dozing off again,” resulted in an emotional reaction. He was normally mind-mannered, so she stayed calm as she told him that reaction, too, might indicate something was going on. She suggested he test his glucose level to see and it was a little high but not alarming.

    During the dozing after dinner the previous evening they had considered having him take the Metformin with dinner rather than at bedtime with the rest of his medications and supplements. He got the bottle of Metformin out of the medicine cabinet to identify it in his PM dose but there was not one in the cup. Checking the two-week medication dispenser he discovered there was no Metformin in the following week either.

    How could they have missed the Metformin when they filled his two-week supply? As a precaution, they fill his meds together….

    They were both so thankful her “nagging” sense had led them to discover the missing Metformin.

    Note* One of the ways to harness intuition is to notice some of the signals of intuition. Signals are emotions like fear and anxiety, but also physical sensations—like feeling tense and persistent thoughts, dreams, and suspicions.

  • The Homecoming

    One of her dearest friends died suddenly of a brain aneurysm. She received the news of his transition while she was at the carousel in St. Joseph, Michigan, with her two children and their young families. She truly had never before known such a moment of great joy juxtaposed with such profound grief. A couple of mornings later she thought of Joni Mitchel singing “The Circle Game” with its lyrics saying we are captive on the carousel of time.

    Her friend liked the poetry of Carmelite nun, Jessica Powers. When Powers transitioned, he was one of her pallbearers. The morning after he passed, while she was getting a trivet out of a kitchen cupboard, a piece of paper fell and wedged in a very narrow space between the refrigerator and the cabinet. She had no idea what it was.

    As she fished the piece of paper out she found herself moved to tears realizing she was looking at the opening stanza of “The Homecoming” by Jessica Powers…. sent to her by a friend 18 1/2 years earlier when her husband transitioned!!!

    The Homecoming
    by Jessica Powers.

    The spirit, newly freed from earth,
    is all amazed at the surprise
    of her belonging: suddenly
    as native to eternity
    to see herself, to realize
    the heritage that lets her be
    at home where all this glory lies.

    About a year or so ago, while navigating life conditions with her hundred-year-old father, her friend had shared this thought with her:

      Being really present to physical decline and physical diminishment of those we love can bring on strong feelings of helplessness and the desire to try and fix something we cannot fix or change…. we can only share in the seemingly helpless moment. On a spiritual plane we realize that what is happening is normal/human and ultimately transformative if one draws on inner resources.

  • Glenaire

    They were both attending a meditation retreat via Zoom.

    The attendees were asked to share a bit of where they are in their practice and/or in life in general.

    “We left our home we had lived in for forty years,” he said. “We moved into a community called Glenaire. It is a huge adjustment, but with all of us living here dealing with age-related dynamics, we take care of one another.”

    Although the guidelines of the retreat discourage speaking directly to another attendee about what he or she has said, she was so strongly moved she had to share.

    “We moved out of the home we had lived in for forty years, too, and into a community called Glen-Aire,” she excitedly said. “I would expect it to be very meaningful that we are here at this retreat together,” she concluded.

    She lives in Michigan. He lives in North Carolina.

    Daily the world grows smaller, leaving understanding the only place where peace can find a home. ~ Huston Smith

    Notes*
    Huston Cummings Smith was a scholar of religious studies in the United States, He authored at least thirteen books on world’s religions and philosophy, and his book about comparative religion, The World’s Religions sold over three million copies as of 2017.

    Glenaire is a continuing care retirement community (CCRC) located in Cary, NC.

    Glen-Aire is a family-owned business established in 1958, located in Lincoln Township, Michigan, about halfway between St. Joseph and Stevensville — approximately three miles from the shores of Lake Michigan.

  • Birthday Beach Frog

    She was walking the beach early in the morning on her birthday June 6, 2024…. conversing with her husband in spirit as she always does…. especially on beach walks. It is always so peaceful for her, and one of their favorite activities together collecting beach glass and rocks.

    Lo and behold! A frog jumped out of Lake Michigan, hopped up the beach, passed where she had stopped suddenly, turned and hopped back into the lake.

    She dropped to her knees. Stunned, although at this point why should she be?

    See Tree Frogs! posted December 1, 2018.

    She is so grateful she has opened her heart and been guided forward on this journey of life without her husband in his physical body next to hers.

    She says, “He is with me always.”

  • Shipshewana Card Fest with Ray

    My renewed interest in collecting and trading sports cards began when I woke up one morning with the thought that I must go look through my old cards. I messaged my mom asking if she could put them on the porch where I could grab them. She immediately called me saying, “I looked at the cards when I was going down the stairs this morning, but actually really looked at them, and remembered how much you enjoyed collecting them.”

    As she said this, I looked down at my feet and saw a small sticker pineapple. This pineapple was given to me at my grandpa’s funeral for being a pallbearer. I had placed this pineapple on the back of my phone as a symbol of my grandpa. Through my work with construction and factory work, the pineapple fell off. I had not seen that pineapple for more than 6 months before it fell at my feet that morning!

    I ended up getting the cards that day and began going through them. It was quite an experience handling the cards I bought when I was 9 years old. It was something my grandpa and I had done together. He showed me how to organize and categorize the cards to complete the set.

    I reached out to my grandma, telling her about my experience and how I had nice memories going through the cards. She told me about his collection and invited me to come out and look through them with her. It was nice getting to talk with her and have the opportunity to see how much thought he put into collecting. She let me take the BOXES of cards home so I could go through them.

    As I was bringing the cards into the house my neighbors and I crossed paths. I shared my story with them and asked if they knew anyone in the hobby. “My dad has been a collector for 50 years!” one of them said. I asked him to put me in touch with him.

    Later that day as I went through the cards (some dating back to 1980!) I thought it was so cool they are almost double my age and that my grandpa was flipping through them that long ago. It was just neat to picture that. I was wondering what he was thinking of at that time as he was going through them.

    After making it through one of the 23 boxes I found myself overwhelmed! I knew I wanted to connect with someone in the hobby, so I reached out to some community pages on Facebook. A guy named Ray commented on my post saying he’d be willing to help me. I began messaging with Ray, along with a couple other people, including my neighbor’s dad.

    Ray and my neighbor’s dad turned out to be the same guy!!! There are no coincidences. Ray helped me go through the cards, letting me know what’s valuable from each brand and era. He told me he was going to a show the following week and asked me if I wanted to go.


    Ray and his son and I went to the Shipshewana Card Fest today. It was a very enjoyable experience. There were so many people and cards!!! I ended up making a trade with a guy for a couple of his cards and I bought quite a few. In November I plan to go with Ray to Chicago to the next show. I am excited to see what comes next….

    I’m glad I listened to the signs from the Universe. The Universe is always speaking to us. It has helped me reconnect with my grandpa, with the joy of card collecting, and with the my younger child-self.

  • Memorable Memorial Day Message

    About 8:30 this morning she saw a post on a friend’s Facebook page. It was a beautiful image with this saying:

    “And it will be our love,
    not our anger,
    that heals the world.”

    The words and image were attributed to Lauren Fortenberry, writer.

    She posted Lauren’s words and image on her own Facebook page.

    Early this afternoon, she opened an email from another friend who shares daily inspirations from a twelve-step program and read this corresponding message to Fortenberry’s words:

    “Soldiers fight not for the hatred
    of the enemy in front of them,
    but for the love
    of the men behind them.”

    These powerful words were attributed to Don E., U.S. Army, 1967–1970.

    A memorable Memorial Day message worth mentioning.