Debra Basham

Living and Loving

Author: Debra Basham

  • In the End

    John had just left for his bike ride this morning and I was heading to the keyboard with the intention of writing a blog post about the song “In the End” by Dale Ann Bradley that we heard a Florida music friend sing at church a couple of weeks ago.

      In the End
      by Dale Ann Bradley

      It won’t matter about your political views
      It won’t matter where you sat on the pew
      Won’t make a difference how much you knew
      When it comes down to the end
      And it won’t matter what kind of car you drove
      And it won’t matter where you lived on the road
      Did you do your best? Did you love your most?
      That’s what matters in the end

      Cuz in the end, there’s no rewind
      There’s no turning back the time
      When you leave this world behind
      Will they say you were their friend?
      That’s what matters in the end

      It won’t matter how many candles lit your cake
      And it won’t matter how many times you slept in late
      But if your love didn’t overcome your hate
      Well, that’s what matters in the end

      Cuz in the end, there’s no rewind
      There’s no turning back the time
      When you leave this world behind
      Will they say you were their friend?
      That’s what matters in the end

      Cuz in the end, there’s no rewind
      There’s no turning back the time
      When you leave this world behind
      Will they say you were their friend?
      That’s what matters in the end

    John opened the kitchen door asking me, “Can you come out and see if you can make any sense of something out here?” I had no clue what I would find, but his lumbar belt had come unfastened and fell off and was tangled in between the brake pad and the wheel rim!

    It took some doing but I was finally able to get it free.

    When that happened, John made a grumbling sort of sound. His reaction sound was obviously not relief or appreciation — it sounded like disgust or annoyance or frustration. Perhaps there was also some shame or guilt as well. I am not sure about that.

    Earlier this morning as I had been looking on his phone for a photo of another song so I could send it to a couple we have met at jams this season when I saw political photos. You know the energy those sorts of things hold.

    I was surprised and I felt sad.

    I told him about having seen all of the political photos while I had been looking for the photo of the song, and the feelings I experienced. Then I shared how important it is right now to not give attention to anything negative. It was my intention to clarify that one can be caught by a sentiment and send something in that moment, and how different that is from choosing to save a photo.

    “I would only save something I wanted to make permanent,” I offered before adding, “I am wondering if it might not be wise for you to ride right now?”

    “I had that same thought. I am going to put new strings on my guitar,” he mused heading into the house. Coming out of the bedroom with a big towel, ready to begin, Alexa spontaneously played another song sung by a different music friend, “Me and John and Paul.” This music friend died soon after John and I left Michigan last fall. Soon after Michael passed I told John I would like him to add this song to his repertoire as a tribute song. Tears filled my eyes.

    Michael was angry and frustrated and disgruntled by sooooo much of life. People were “stupid” or “idiots.” Things were “not fair.” It was as though our beloved friend was at that very moment reaching across the veil confirming the importance of living an affirmative life in which your love overcomes your hate.

    I am now at the end of this post. John is now playing his newly-strung guitar.

    As the song says, that’s what matters in the end….

  • Loving-kindness and Compassion

    ​A friend forwarded a message this morning from Pax Christi USA, a movement founded in Europe at the end of World War II by Catholics who had suffered the terror and trauma of war. Quoting from the email content:

    Pax Christi has opposed war and all preparations for war. We do not endorse warmaking as a solution for any political or social dispute, but we demand that Congress exercise its responsibility and pass a War Powers Act immediately in order to block this immoral and unconstitutional action.

    I noticed the placement of the word “but” right away. In NLP and conscious communication the word “but” acts as a deletion or negation mechanism, often invalidating, erasing, or devaluing the clause that precedes it. It shifts the focus entirely to the information that follows the word “but,” making that information the final, most important impression. It seems highly unlikely that those sending out this message understood consciously that the word “but” is considered a “killer” word because it often negates previous positive statements.

    This paragraph was also included in the email message:

    We pray for an end to the violence, a cessation of the bombing, and for an embrace of nonviolent solutions that affirm the autonomy and human rights of the people of Iran and the Middle East.

    I might suggest an edit so that last line simply says, “affirm the autonomy and human rights of all people.”

    I am navigating a pain flare in my right hip. While this is not new, it has been many years since I have experienced this level of discomfort. Likely the current uncomfortable sensations in my body are not unconnected to the conditions in our world.

    I looked up the quotation “Hatred never ceases by hatred, but by love alone is healed” while the message from Pax Christi USA remained open on my screen. “That hatred never ceases hatred is an ancient, fundamental truth, most famously attributed to the Buddha in the Dhammapada (Verse 5). It teaches that returning hate for hate only perpetuates a cycle of violence and suffering, whereas loving-kindness and compassion are the only means to resolve hatred.”

    Loving-kindness and compassion…. Only and always, loving-kindness and compassion….

  • Pat

    I was awakened early this morning by the post of a friend on FaceBook and I chose to notice I was well enough rested to get up before daybreak so my fingers would have time to linger over the keyboard before the day officially begins.

    Yesterday’s Ring of Fire Solar Eclipse ignited, arriving precisely as we enter the Year of the Fire Horse. As one source wrote, this is not subtle energy, this is destiny ignition.

    Meg Benedicte, of NewEarthCentral.com, wrote:

      The question is not whether the energy will move — it already is. The question is whether you will move with it consciously.

      Will you allow the Horse to bolt wildly, scattering your energy in every direction? Or will you step into the saddle and guide that power toward your Soul’s purpose?

      This Eclipse marks a profound turning point, both personally and collectively. Power dynamics may shift. Leadership structures may wobble. What appears chaotic may actually be destiny reorganizing itself. What feels destabilizing may be the necessary release of what cannot travel forward into the next chapter.

    And today is Pat’s Celebration of Life service. My beloved friend and colleague, Pat, was a Nurse Practitioner Extraordinaire. She was a hand-holder and a way-shower. As her body failed to support the life she loved to live and the service she lived to give, her legacy began to exude in subtle ways.

    This Yellow Brick Road post and the following Nightingale Tribute Reading is dedicated to Pat.

    The Nightingale Tribute Reading

    Nursing is a calling, a lifestyle, a way of living. Nurses here today honor _______________ and his/her life as a nurse. _______________ is not remembered by his/her _____ years as a nurse, but by the difference he/she made during those years by stepping into people’s lives . . . . by special moments:

    She Was There

    When a calming, quiet presence was all that was needed, She was there.

    In the excitement and miracle of birth or in the mystery and loss of life, She was there.

    When a silent glance could uplift a patient, family member or friend, She was there.

    At those times when the unexplainable needed to be explained, She was there.

    When the situation demanded a swift foot and sharp mind, She was there.

    When a gentle touch, a firm push, or an encouraging word was needed, She was there.

    In choosing the best one from a family’s “Thank You” box of chocolates, She was there.

    To witness humanities beauty, in good times and bad, without judgment, She was there.

    To embrace the woes of the world, willingly, and offer hope, She was there.

    And now, that it is time to be at the Greater One’s side, She is there.

    I also found a beautiful reading about when a nurse dies and shared it with Pat’s daughter and Pat’s husband encouraging them to realize that her loving presence will likely become stronger and more palpable in the coming days as her essence is no longer burdened by Alzheimer’s disease:

    When a nurse dies

    it is not the end of her shift

    it is the rising of her legacy.

    In every pulse she steadied,

    in every tear she caught,

    in every “you’re not alone” she offered,

    her spirit lives on.

    So let us not mourn her in sorrow,

    but in sacred awe.

    Let us tell the world:

    A light has gone out,

    but its warmth remains.

    Let us never mourn her in sorrow. Let us always mourn her in sacred awe. Let us in every moment feel in our hearts how truly each souls’ warmth remains….

  • OCD and VPN and NOW

    Today was yet another conversation that demonstrated what has sometimes been called my OCD. The sharing was with an online group — all of us well beyond our youth! Candid talk about having documents in place, plans well articulated, and persons in place as we face what are called The Five Remembrances in Buddhism morphed into acknowledgment of our universal vulnerability.

    The Five Remembrances

    I am of the nature to grow old; I cannot escape aging.

    I am of the nature to have ill health; I cannot escape sickness.

    I am of the nature to die; I cannot escape death.

    All that is dear to me and everyone I love are of the nature to change; I cannot escape being separated from them.

    My actions are my only true belongings; I cannot escape the consequences of my actions; My actions are the ground upon which I stand.

    As two of us lingered online I confessed that I cannot put something into a closet without awareness that I may be leaving something for someone else to take care of. The upgrade for OCD (obsessive compulsive behavior) that has come to my heart is OCD:Only compassionate doing.

    Several of us had experiences with others who did or did not take good care of those who would end up taking care of what we did not.

    This is a short post with a long list of ways we can be more loving to those who are responsible for loving us.

    One piece of new information for me is the need for a VPN. I had to look it up to even know what that means.

      What is a VPN?

      A beginner’s guide: A VPN, or virtual private network, is a service that routes your internet traffic through a remote server. It encrypts your internet traffic and masks your IP (Internet Protocol) address.

      This process secures your connection to the internet and protects your privacy while browsing online. It also hides your online activities from third parties trying to collect your data or intercept your connection.

    Well, now I know something I did not know and VPN will be an area my OCD will look into and put into place.

    This morning I also received a text message from a neighbor here in Lazy Days who just had open heart surgery on Friday. I was able to send him this photo of John playing his guitar at day 11 post surgery in 2022.


    And now he is riding bicycle with me 10 miles a day!

    OCD, VPN, and NOW…

  • Heaveniversary

    She decided to have a memorial image of a screenshot she had taken of the last text message her mom sent to her done on canvas. The order was scheduled to arrive February 2 or 3, but it arrived on January 30, just one day before her mom’s 1st Heaveniversary.

    At 11:33 on January 14, 2025, she wrote to her mom, “Bloodwork looks good to me.”

    Her mom responded, “Trusting it is (with two prayer hands icons). Love you, Mama (with a heart and 100 icon).”

    She sent her mom an emoji likeness of herself blowing her mom a kiss.

    Her mom responded, “That’s not close to how beautiful you really are (with a heart icon). Just an icon (with a smiley face blowing a kiss).”

    She closed with a purple heart icon back to her mom.

    1 Thessalonians 4:13-14 (NIV)

    ¹³ Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. ¹⁴ For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him.

  • Acts of Kindness

    She met him while riding bike with her parents during a week’s visit in the Fort Myers, Florida, area. A Veteran, he was laboriously walking with a cane, pulling a basket behind him, stopping every few steps to lean and breathe. Her dad asked him, “Are you going to make it home?”

    “As long as I don’t pass out….” was the reply.

    She was off her bike, and began pulling his heavy load, holding his hand to support him as her parents pushed her bike along behind.

    They made it to his house where she helped get his purchases into the house. She was bereft when she rejoined her mom and dad. “No one should have to live like that….” they heard her say over-and-over between sobs describing despicable conditions. As they rode back home she spoke of getting him a better cart and filling it with supplies.

    Acts of kindness must have some special attention from LIFE, because the community where her parents winter was having a trash-to-treasure sale with pre-sales to the volunteers the next morning. When the neighbor across the street learned of their intention, he picked them up in his golf kart and they were able to buy a very high-end walker with a seat.

    They fitted the walker with a basket and later went shopping so the walker will be delivered filled with two bags of pull-tab and non-perishable foods!

    No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted. ~ Aesop

  • Happy 2026 Birthday to Me (and 15 others I know!)

    Today is my birthday. If you are willing, you may wish to reflect on my birthday post from 2018 about “Corpse Prayer” at https://edq.ojt.mybluehost.me/debrabashamcom/corpse-prayer/ My birthday posts are not always maudlin, but today I post with a warning: Not For the Faint of Heart.

    After having become vigilant about weight back in the Twiggy super thin model days, I maintained 137 pounds for decades. Then after getting up to 147 the winter of 2023 I was able to be stable at 130. This past summer my weight started going down. I had my doctor do some tests along with my annual exam, but nothing showed up and I left for Florida at 125. Still wondering what my birthday ritual would be, yesterday morning early when I weighed myself I tipped the scales below 120, and anxiety set in.

    I used a drawing/coloring/writing tool a colleague taught me a few years back and wrote:

      Weight/Wait

      All these years, wanting to be thin. Now nervous as the scales show just below 120 pounds. Is something wrong? Am I sick? Will I die?
      Of course, we all do. But what am I waiting for? Is it possible to go before your time? Can the mystery be seen by the heart?

    The story began long, long ago in 1992 shortly after my dad died. I have a published version of it called Where Moon Go? available for 99 cents, but the gist is that I asked God if my dad was okay where he was. I meant was he in heaven or hell, but I said, “I don’t want you to tell me what you think I want to know, I want to know what’s real.”

    Things started happening. As I was driving, the moon would be hidden behind a cloud or a building and I would hear, “It looks like I’m gone, but I am still here.” When I realized this was the answer to my question about my dad, my world view shifted! You don’t have to agree with my experience — always ask your own questions to get to what is real. And that is part of this year’s birthday ritual which began with a text chain that led to my reading Jeremiah 33:3 with my sister and daughter and niece (published in Sacred Stories ).

    I did an AI search asking the question, “Do the worlds’ religions think time of death is preordained?” Some interesting stuff there!

    As I read through answers from Christianity, Judaism, Hinduism, and Buddhism, I begin to pray, “I want to know what’s real about human death, and I don’t want you to tell me what you think I want to know. I want to know what’s real.”

    One of my persistent thoughts about a rise in human consciousness and a shift from 3rd density to 5th density is, “What could/would/will human life be like on earth with no fear of death?”

    The one-year anniversary of the death of our older sister, Johnnie Sue, is coming up on January 31. That was some of the text chain that led to all of this. She died with no fear of death. So did my friend, Linda Higbee. Both of them lived with a lot of need to control and anxiety, but both of them passed with peace, praise God!

    For those who did not go back and read the 2018 birthday blog, here is the “Corpse Prayer” again.

    Corpse Prayer

    Be not afraid.
    I give thanks to god who created all things good.
    In christ, all things hold together.
    I am not entitled to life without death.
    I embrace sacred life.
    I embrace sacred death.
    I embrace the growing and crumbling in between.
    Smile at yourself in the silence…
    ~ Jarem Sawatsky

    I wrote into my journal, “I want to know what’s real about human life on earth without fear of death….”

    That afternoon, through myriad emotions, I shared all of this with my sister, Janis, telling her I realize the way to know is to LIVE life without fear of death.

  • 333

    One morning she woke up at 3:33 am and was unable to go back to sleep.

    That afternoon, working in the kitchen, she glanced up to see the clock on the stove announcing it was 3:33 pm.

    Later that evening she was on a group text with a few of her closest family members, sharing intimately as they navigated the upcoming one-year anniversary of her sister’s passing. One of them wrote Jeremiah 33:3 .

    Asking AI the following morning what verse in the bible is 333, this came up:

    While there isn’t one single “333 Bible verse,” the number often points to Jeremiah 33:3: “Call to me, and I will answer you, and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known” (ESV). It’s a powerful message of divine communication, completeness (like the Trinity), and God’s promise to reveal Himself when sought, often linked to seeing the number 333 as a call to deeper prayer and seeking God’s guidance.

  • Lazy Days

    The truth about living in Lazy Days is that there is not enough time…. Of course, that is not true but it is how it feels.

    The days start early. What fills the moments? Thoughts of all those we love. Thoughts of you. Family in Tennessee. Family and friends in Michigan. Family and friends in Florida. Family and friends in Texas…. you get the point.

    One of the great joys of this Lazy Days season is that John is riding bike with me!!! His longest distance to date is 15 miles, and almost every day 10 miles. At his appointment Friday in Naples, the young cardiologist who diagnosed the need for a quadruple by-pass surgery 4 years ago here in Fort Myers said that is the best stress test he could have!

    Many moments are filled with memories of what has been and thoughts of what is to come. I cook and clean and shop and puzzle, although the one I am working on now has been way to slow for my taste. It reminded me of the all-H (if you are a puzzler you know what that means) of Mount Rushmore with almost no shade or shape variation Linda Higbee did. A VERY good puzzler, she persevered to completion counting it a good day if she got three pieces in.

    Yesterday, on the birthday of my sister (Janis) and my Florida meditation teacher (Sheilana) a precious and unusual friend completed his transition in Michigan. Ron was one of the most unique individuals in my life. Ron was a healer. He (and I) believe he (and the Lord) spared my life more than once. A genetic disorder left him blind and for the last six months a heart condition had him bed-bound under hospice care. Grateful beyond words that his wish to stay in his own home was granted, he spent most of his time alone, with caregiving for just a few hours each day.

    Ron was filled with faith and conversations with him (sometimes MANY conversations each day or night) often began with him singing in spirit. We called it the HARP.

    Then he would pray for anyone I was praying for.

    He would often ask me to pray for folks he was praying for.

    And, including during our last conversation on Wednesday, he would ask me if I thought his wish to get stronger and be able to get out of bed so he could do the Lord’s work would be granted. Over these past few weeks the way I was guided to answer was to tell him the truth – he was doing the Lord’s work. He was loving and praying for people faithfully whether he was in bed or not.

    Today my heart is full as I follow Ron’s lead and pray for so many.

    As my eyes are leaking….

  • Be an Interpreter of Every Moment

    I have since an adolescent been enamored with New Years. Stacey was likely conceived on New Years Eve in 1965. Not ever a party-goer, and almost always in bed asleep before midnight, the theme — the GOD-GIVEN gift of new beginnings — deeply resonates with my soul.

    When you see that every moment is fresh,
    every moment is new,
    every moment is changing,
    every moment is arising — that’s reality.
    ~ The Daily Tejaniya

    This year John and I went to the theater (less than 10 minutes away) to view the film Song Sung Blue. We had seen the trailer when we went to view Wicked For Good last week. I thought it was about Neil Diamond, but when Linda and Larry drove down from Blue House in Punta Gorda and picked us up at 6:15 pm she told me as we were parking the car that it was not. We were home by 10 but in between we were affected by the story of Wisconsin’s own Claire “Thunder” Sardinia and Mike “Lightning” Sardina, who performed together from 1989 until Mike’s death in 2006. One of their most memorable performances was at Summerfest in 1995, where they opened for Pearl Jam and sang “Forever in Blue Jeans” with Eddie Vedder. The film was excellent. Amazing performances by Kate Hudson and Hugh Jackman, with powerful acting by everyone.

    This morning I listened to an interview with Claire Sardina following the opening of the film. A few of the words from that interview have been woven into my New Year meditation for 2026.

    When asked if she thinks Mike would like the film, Claire responded, “He would love it. He does love it. He watches over me. He guides me….”

    She reflected on the skills she learned from being with Mike, saying, “He was the overall entertainer — a true entertainer — there for the people (not for yourself).”

    Claire heard Hugh Jackman say in one of his interviews, “We believe that if it wasn’t for Mike, this whole thing wouldn’t be happening. Because Mike was a dreamer.”

    Her infectious positivity is highly influenced by Mike’s, “Attitude is everything. He was always saying ‘This, too, shall pass’ and I think it came from AA. That along with ‘You can do this’ were Mike’s favorite sayings.”

    Claire said,”I pray a lot….” and she is still performing!

    In their publicity Mike made a point of clarifying he was not a Neil Diamond impersonator. Claire helped him find the words to say what he felt, “I am an interpreter of the music of Neil Diamond.”

    I imagine Mike telling you to be your best you in every moment. Every moment is an opportunity to be an interpreter of the highest expression of your holy self.

    May your New Year be filled with inner peace, compassion, and joy in the present moment. May you love and be loved and know that you ARE love…. May the words of the childhood song “Jesus loves me” fill your heart and soul to overflowing. May all beings come to the end of suffering. May 2026 be a healthy and Happy New Year!