Debra Basham

Living and Loving

Author: Debra Basham

  • Shout!

    “Shout! The Mod Musical” featured five powerful women singers, a live orchestra and soulful pop anthems and ballads by household names like Dusty Springfield, Petula Clark, Lulu, The Seekers, and others. Some of the songs included: “Wishin’ and Hopin’”; “To Sir With Love”; “Son of a Preacher Man”; “You Don’t Have to Say You Love Me”; “Georgie Girl”; “These Boots Are Made for Walking”; “Downtown”; “I Know a Place”; “All I See is You”; “Those Were the Days”; “A World Without Love”; and “Shout!”

    The show is set in London capturing the swinging sixties and the dawning liberation of women. The story follows five women:

  • The Red Girl: The youngest and most hopeful character, initially feeling unsure of herself.
  • The Green Girl: A “racy” character, known for her flirtatious nature.
  • The Blue Girl: A wealthy and seemingly perfect woman who grapples with questions about her sexuality.
  • The Yellow Girl: An American character who travels to Britain to see Paul McCartney.
  • The Orange Girl: A married woman in her forties who suspects her husband is cheating.

    • The women all send letters to Gwendolyn Holmes, an advice columnist for the magazine “Shout!”, seeking guidance on their problems.

    I lived through that decade and the sexist rules — for example, a girl could not wear pants/slacks to school. And The Sexual Offenses Act…. In 1967 that act made sex between two men who were 21 years or over legal. The legal age of consent for different-sex couples was 16, and a male could marry at age 16 but a female could not marry until age 18. Unless she was pregnant.

    Technically I was still a 15 year-old girl on New Years Eve, 1965, when WE got pregnant, and a 16 year-old girl when WE got married on March 19, 1966. WE had to get our marriage license through Probate court, and WE just celebrated our 59th anniversary this past Wednesday.

    I avoid saying “I” got pregnant or married. It took both of us for those things to happen, however, in 1966 “I” was the only one of us who was not allowed to attend high school. John graduated in 1967. I graduated in 1993. I was class president and valedictorian.

    “Shout! The Mod Musical” was rich with eye-popping fashions, psychedelic dances, and new arrangements of familiar hits that made me want to sing along! The tears during the second act came as a surprise….

  • The Conditions for Rebirth

    Yesterday I listened to a talk with some surprising futuristic predictions of grave conditions in the United States. And this morning I saw a significant photo on the Facebook page of a friend. The photo is of a Robin sitting on the ground in some snow. That friend (and perhaps the Robin) have just returned to Michigan after some time in the south this winter. The caption reads: WTH!!!! I thought this was the first day of spring! This robin is not happy and neither am I.


    According to Parker Palmer, “There is a hard truth to be told: before spring becomes beautiful, it is plug ugly, nothing but mud and muck… But in that muddy mess, the conditions for rebirth are being created.”

    Most people can think of sayings that point to this reality of life. It is always darkest just before dawn. The only way out is through. When the going gets tough, the tough get going.

    Many beautiful ways of thinking about every ending as a new beginning have also been articulated:
    “If you don’t like the road you’re walking, start paving another one.” — Dolly Parton

    “Forgiveness says you are given another chance to make a new beginning.” — Desmond Tutu

    “Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing at all.” — Helen Keller

    Having served as a doula helping women through childbirth, perhaps experience is best realized in Parker Palmer’s last line: “…the conditions for rebirth are always being created.”

  • Look at Us

    Last night at the North Ft. Myers Bluegrass Jam John dedicated Vince Gill’s song “Look at Us” to our new friends Steve and Brenda Finley and John and me. We both celebrate wedding anniversaries of over 50 years this week. Our 59th is today. March 19 is also the wedding anniversary of other music friends, Alan and Cindy Bickford, from Pine Island. Wishing them a happy anniversary as well.

      Look at us lyrics:

      Look at us
      After all these years together
      Look at us
      After all that we’ve been through
      Look at us
      Still leaning on each other
      If you wanna see how true love should be
      Then just look at us

      Look at you
      Still pretty as a picture
      Look at me
      Still crazy over you
      Look at us
      Still believing in forever
      If you wanna see how true love should be
      Then just look at us

      In a hundred years from now
      I know without a doubt
      They’ll all look back and wonder how
      We made it all work out
      Chances are we’ll go down in history
      When they wanna see
      How true love should be
      They’ll just look at us

      Chances are we’ll go down in history
      When they wanna see
      How true love should be
      They’ll just look at us
      When they wanna see
      How true love should be
      They’ll just look at us

      Songwriters: Max Duane Barnes / Vince Gill
      Look at Us lyrics © Reservoir 416, Diamond Cholla Music, Benefit Music, Irving Music Inc.

    From a Buddhist perspective, a wedding anniversary is a time to reflect on the journey of a relationship, reaffirming vows of love, compassion, and mutual respect, and practicing mindfulness in the face of impermanence.

    I have often found myself saying over the years that we have not actually been married to the same person for all of these years, and John is famous for adding, “And I am not just talking about hair color….”


    I chose this photo for today’s post because Stacey was there with us on our wedding day and every anniversary since! We have all changed so much.

    I have officiated at MANY weddings over the years. I have had the honor of officiating at only one uncoupling ceremony. I think the Buddhist teachings about impermanence are significant related to both. I found the following AI generated paragraph that speaks to the letting go of what was with love and respect.

    “When it comes time to part, be it through death or another fluctuation of cyclic existence, we aspire to look back at our time together with joy — joy that we met and shared what we did — and acceptance that we cannot hold on to each other forever. We will wish each other well from the depths of our hearts and help each other as we both go on to new lives.”

    I could not read those words without feeling the adjustment John and I are going through with Linda and Larry as we are both securing new seasonal rentals because we cannot return to the beloved Blue House we have shared in Punta Gorda for the past two winters. We have all loved this house. I have loved witnessing dawn from our east-facing lanai and biking the neighborhoods. We have shared many meals made in the roomy kitchen with friends and family. This is the nicest house John and I have ever lived in. Our homeowners have determined maintaining two properties is not sustainable for them. They are very sad to not have us as guests, but it is undeniably what needs to happen.

    Those words from the Buddhist perspective about when it comes to part seem so fitting: we cannot hold on to each other forever. Not a house, not a spouse. So, for this moment, we treasure what is present.

    Linda and her late husband had four children under the age of five when they got married. (March 19 is also their daughter Chris’s birthday.) Linda has shared that when life would get really chaotic they would say to one another, “I would still say I do.”

    John Basham, that is what I say to you, Look at us. I would still say I do. I love you more with each passing decade. Happy 59th anniversary❤️

  • RIP Danny

    I visited with some deep friends (if not long friends) yesterday. I met them two years ago while biking in Port Charlotte and their sweetest little dog grabbed my heart and would not let it go. Of course, she was the magnet, but my friends are the glue.

    The purpose for the visit was an article from the Wall Street Journal on March 15, 2025. Yes, they had a paper copy! Jason Zweig was writing about a person who had been near and dear to him: Daniel “Danny” Kahneman. Daniel chose to go to Switzerland and end his own life while 90 years of age but still near his prime. He sent news of his decision to some close to him, spent wonderful time in Europe with family and his partner, then went alone to Switzerland. Something about his story is riveting to me and, I would guess, repulsive to others. It is a hotly debated issue….

    Two quotations in the article have made their way onto my journal page so I will share them. The first is by Annie Duke, a decision theorist and former professional poker player who wrote a book in 2022 titled, Quit: The Power of Knowing When to Walk Away.

    “Quitting on time will usually feel like quitting too early.” ~ Annie Duke

    The second is by a psychologist at the University of Oregon, Paul Slovic:

    “But often the reasons aren’t reasons.
    They’re feelings.”

    This morning’s aftersharing with the Still Mountain 6:30 am Tuesday meditation group was about what is often called “comfort care” – essentially the opposite of aggressive medical treatment to save or extend life. Several of those present had very strong desire for appropriate choice to avoid pain and/or anxiety. We spoke some about the nuances of palliative or hospice care, both of which often are referred to as comfort care. (Palliative care focuses on improving quality of life for individuals with serious illnesses by managing symptoms and providing emotional and spiritual support, while hospice care is a specialized type of palliative care focused on comfort and dignity for those with a life expectancy of six months or less who are no longer pursuing curative treatment. ~ Courtesy of AI)

    The Four Immeasurables Prayer from Buddhism are profoundly meaningful to me: “May all beings have happiness and the cause of happiness. May all beings be free from suffering and the cause of suffering. May all beings never lose the happiness beyond all suffering. May all beings abide in equanimity, free from attachment and aversion.”

    RIP Danny, RIP.

  • Ace of Hearts

    As she flipped over and placed the very last card she realized somehow she had won the game of solitare even though she was still missing the Ace of Hearts.

    Looking into the box, there it was!

    What an unusual outplaying of cards that every other card could be played without that ace. Curious, she did an internet search for the corresponding card in the tarot deck. The Ace of Hearts corresponds to the Ace of Cups and signifies the beginning of a new chapter, a fresh start, particularly in the realm of emotions and relationships.

    “There will come a time when you believe everything is finished.
    That will be the beginning.”
    ~ Louis L’Amour

  • True Compassion

    Sandhill cranes are known for their lifelong pair bonds, making them symbols of devotion and faithfulness in some cultures. While I often hear them in the area (sometimes on Sandhill Boulevard) out riding my bike, yesterday morning I was gifted a very close encounter with a pair. These birds are very used to humans.

    My encounter gave me joy and stimulated a substantial amount of nostalgia. When we were on the East Coast of Florida many years ago, they would come right into your garage if you left the door open! Of course, nature has a way of reminding us that too much of a good thing is still too much. What came to mind was the beautiful way the Deep Spring Daily Reflection encourages us to cultivate true compassion.

    Compassion is a healer for the Earth, for yourself, for others. You are not here to do it perfectly, and no human does. What you are here to do is love. So often those of you that are so attuned to others, so desiring of service and so attuned to the suffering of Gaia herself and all that is upon her, you can become stuck in a place of sorrow and grief and anger for the things that are happening that don’t need to be. At this point in Earth’s evolution they are, but you see that we don’t have to destroy each other in war, we don’t have to destroy the food supply, none of these things. But these things are here now. Anger has an energy to it that sometimes is an impetus for change, but in and of itself it cannot truly bring that change that is needed and desired for you inside yourself, for others, for the Earth.

    Compassion is the fertilizer of the soul.

    So, I encourage you as you go through your daily life, in moments you’ll be sad, you’ll be angry, all the different emotions. They just come and they go. But when you begin to feel contraction or depression, anxiety or agitation, what you may call fear, or wanting to fight against, to push against, either to push away or to contract, to protect, when you notice it, just breathe. Sit and breathe for a moment. See it for what it is. It’s neither good nor bad, here nor there. But then consciously move into compassion. You cannot have true compassion for the Earth and others if you do not have it for yourself.

    So, when you find yourself in constricted places, take time to move into compassion, but do not leave yourself out of the equation. ~ March 14, 2025

    It seems the message here is quite universal: It’s neither good nor bad, here nor there.

    When migrating, sandhill cranes carry a stone in their mouths to help them stay awake. If the stone falls, it wakes them up. Similarly, if a crane is standing watch at night, it will stand on one leg so that if the other leg drops, they wake up. This is why many equate cranes with vigilance. (from CreationGirl Blog)

    A very good reminder….

  • Paul

    The keyboard on her cell phone had been acting up for weeks when she was texting about the details of a mutual friend’s passing the previous day.

    It was generally easier to use voice-to-text and, so, “Do you have any sense of how Rob’s dad is doing” were the actual words she said. However, the letters appearing in the text message spelled, “Do you have any sense of Paul Rob’s dad is doing” replacing the word how with the name Paul.

    Screenshot

    Paul is Rob’s dad’s name….

  • Connecting the Dots

    Can you see the holiness in those things you take for granted – a paved road or a washing machine? If you concentrate on finding what is good in every situation, you will discover that your life will suddenly be filled with gratitude, a feeling that nurtures the soul.

    ~ Rabbi Harold Kushner

    Training has brought to awareness profound truth that the presenting problem is not the problem. We are, in mindfulness, continuously reminded not to take our problems personally. Everything is connected. Emotions are generated from “past similars” because emotions are stored in our bodies, however, the most powerful triggers are almost (if not always) outside of our current conscious awareness.

    The following is my journal entry on March 7, 2025 after a night of sleeplessness:

      Most of us are aware of the idea that someone cannot see something until they see it. Matthew 13:13 says it this way, “Though seeing, they do not see; though hearing, they do not hear or understand”. I have consciously been working to unwrap an emotional knot for the past several years. The triggers have become more and more amplified.

      This morning early as the mist scooted across the surface of the water after several days of fierce winds, I could see!

      I had the sense the onset had to do with a friend’s stress with her adult daughter who had undergone childhood trauma, but it was too nebulous and did not seem to fit with my friend when I shared my sense about it with her. It has taken a lot of time with the triggers getting more intense to gain baby steps of understanding. One of the most significant insights occurred in January when I realized I had held her responsible for things she had not done.

      This morning’s additional insight might just have set us all free.

      I had blamed her for not seeing what someone else had done, and continued to do even after I had asked him not to. But the pain and now the freedom within the precious insight was never about either of them, it was about my own childhood trauma!

    Immediately after writing I spent almost an hour of precious tearful sharing with my sister about all of this. It comes as no real surprise that she had been awake since 2:30 am — thinking about childhood sexual abuse!

    We know our older sister was sexually initiated by an uncle when she was preteen. We talked about not our not knowing consciously of a sexual initiation experience, we know we were both sexually aware very young. Many years ago when Janis was seeing a therapist we learned it is common for siblings who are secondary or indirect victims of sexual abuse to have emotional reactions. These can include anger at the parent for not being able to protect the sibling, as well as anxiety and helplessness and the urge to control events, and/or fear about the future.

    Our older sister’s death about 5 weeks ago was quite likely a significant catalyst. In infinite gratitude for all of this to finally come forward in awareness for release.

    I had opportunity to share some of it with a friend who is currently navigating strong triggers in her own home. At the end of our Zoom call I emailed her my journal entry along with an audio recording of Tricia Barker leading a release of deep soul wounds and reclaiming your power. This piece is for clearing wounds of rejection, abandonment, betrayal, and even injustice that can be powerful imprints, not just from this lifetime but from past ones as well. I had listened to it the day previous to my insight.

    This morning I am listening to a radio broadcast with Barbara Brodsky speaking on how we awaken. Barbara says first you have to acknowledge it is happening and it is unpleasant, scary. Next, you have to have compassion for yourself and the other/s to see, literally, how anger and fear and separation arise. You have to see that they have no solid substance, and that if you do not have compassion for yourself, you cannot hear the other.

    After having received what I emailed to her, my dear friend sent a text message, “It has been a while since I have connected dots like this about my life experiences. I feel so free and connected.”

    Interestingly I had written in my March 7 journal entry how that morning’s insight might just have set us all free….

    May all beings come to the end of suffering.

  • March 5

    She was swimming in memories of the previous year when their dear friend had undergone back surgery while they were all “snowbirds” in Florida. The surgery on her friend’s back was successful but it proved to be too much for her friend’s ailing heart and her friend had passed not long after returning to Michigan.

    “It has popped into my mind to look and see what day it was I went to the hospital,” she shared with their mutual friend. “I have not yet taken time to, but I know I have the voice memo I had recorded.”

    She looked on her phone. It had been exactly one year ago — March 5!

    (Her friend passed four months later on July 5.)

    John Lennon said, “There’s nowhere you can be that isn’t where you’re meant to be”.

  • Comb!

    He was visiting friends in Florida when he lost his comb. He borrowed one and went with his friend on an outing.

    While they were on the outing, his friend’s wife went for a bike ride. Almost home, she sees a comb on the sidewalk, stopped to pick it up, took it home and disinfected it. When he got back to the house she presented the comb to him, telling him she had found it on her ride.


    The story of manna from heaven is a classic biblical story. Of course, it was not the comb he lost. Before heading home he found his comb in the pocket of a pair of shorts he had worn. The story demonstrates the way we are provided for in surprising ways.

    After escaping Egypt the Israelite people were in need of food, and he was in need of a comb!